Suga's Sister (Book 1)

Chapter24:

Jade's pov:

{Jounal Entry}

My world has officially crumbled and I am drowning. I can feel myself breathe but I suddenly find no purpose in. I can feel my heart beat, and I am amazed that it still works after being broken so throughly. It feels as if it has been put through the shredder and is just big bleeding mess. It is is a mess right now, just like me, just like my life. I have lost everything now, everything I had known, everyone I had loved was just gone, and I was alone. Figuratively speaking of course, because even now I am surrounded by people, yet I have never been so alone. I hate this, and I hate feeling like this, because I know that I am worrying my brother and his friends. But still I can't seem to find my way out of this darkness. I am exhausted from trying to fight back against all the pain that I am feeling, and my tears won't stop. It is actually kind of amazing when you think about it because I have been crying for 2 days, so you would think that I would of run out of them by now but no, they just keep on coming. For the past few days I haven't eaten, or spoken, and I have have barely left my room. I have hardly slept, and to be honest I look like crap. The boys have all tried there best to comfort me, but I can't seem to pull myself out of this depression and I am drowning in it. I feel a million different emotions every second of the day Anger, Sadness, Betrayal, Unjust, Helplessness, Numb... Well not Numb exactly because this pain is just to real for that. It is more like I have been Paralyzed by all this heartache. I want to move, and I want to fight it, but I can't because my body won't listen to me, or maybe it just can't find the strength to go on, and so it has betrayed me to... And all that is left is this overwhelming feeling of pain that is slowly crushing me, Suffocating me until there is nothing more of the old me left...
I mean if you think about it, it is not that surprising considering all the losses that I have had to face lately. I have already lost my mom, I lost her the day that she died. Then I had lost the life that I had built with her, when I had to leave the only home I had ever known to come here. Now I have lost Dylan and my friends. (Jade pauses for a moment to wipe the tears from her eyes before she starts writing again)
I now understand why the girls had stopped picking up my phone calls and why even there texts had gotten so short and to the point. I guess they were trying to protect me from the truth, or maybe they were trying to distance themselves from me, because Jess had put them in a situation to where they had to hide this information from me. But while I was hurt that Jess would betray me that way, and I was devastated that Dylan would go along with it. The thing that hurt me the most, more than anything else, was that my closet friends didn't even tell me about it. I was angry and hurt that the other girls had kept this from me. But on the other hand, I could understand why they did it. I knew that they didn't want to betray Jess's trust, or hurt me by having to that my boyfriend was cheating on me with my best friend, but in protecting her secret, and trying to spare my feelings, they had betrayed me. All of them did. (Jade pauses again to dry her tears as she begins to think about it again, about how Jess betrayed my trust, the girls betrayed our friendship and Dylan betrayed my heart. To be honest I wasn't sure which crime was worse, but the truth is it really didn't matter because it all stung the same. They were the people I trusted the most, and the people I cared the most about and they had all turned their back on me, and I was left alone... Well not alone exactly because I still had my brothers and the friends I had made here, but there was nothing left of what was back home, the friendships that tied me to their, there relationship I had left behind, they were all gone now, and it was sad. It felt like I had lost my home, I know I hadn't technically lived there for 3 weeks now but It still felt like home... But now... I wasn't sure where I belonged anymore. But one thing was for sure there was nothing left for me in LA. I didn't really know if that meant that my future was here or not, but one thing is for certain now that I had let my past go, my life here in Korea could truly start. She sighs deeply and goes back to writing in her journal, but suddenly there is a knock at her door) Truthfully I don't know where to go from here.