skulduggery x Valkyrie

happy birthday you old bag of bones

Skulduggery sat on the sofa sulking while Valkyrie was in the kitchen making food for the dead men, the monster Hunters, tanith and herself. "Cheer up! Today's your birthday" Valkyrie called to him. He groaned "I'm old!" He whined. "Hey be lucky you've lived this long ok?" She asked walking into the room and sat down next to him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you have the tendency to run into problems that could get you killed"
"No I don't. The problem's come to me"
"Sure..."
"You don't believe me?"
"Nope. The years that I've known you, you've always dived headfirst into danger. It's how you roll"
"How I roll?"
"Yes" Valkyrie said. Then there was the door bell so Valkyrie sprung up and skipped to the door. When she opened the door there stood Dexter and Saracen. "Hey guys!" Chirped Valkyrie as she stood to the side to let them in. "Where's the birthday boy?" Asked Dexter smirking. "He's sulking in the sitting room" Valkyrie chuckled. Dexter jumped up and down and then ran into the next room. "Skully baby!" Dexter said and jumped onto the skeletons lap and skulduggery groaned. "Get off you fat oaf!" He said and pushed Dexter to the floor. "I am not fat!"
"Well then why are you so bloody heavy?"
"It's called muscle"
"And fat"
"You aren't getting your birthday present now!"
"Ok"
"Wait! What! You aren't going to put up a fight?"
"Nope"
"Fine! You can have your present"
"Works every time" skulduggery mumbled and Dexter frowned "what was that?" He asked. Skulduggery shrugged and moved his body so now he was lying on his back on the sofa. He put his hands over his face and huffed.

Saracen and Valkyrie were sniggering in the doorway "how do you put up with him everyday?" Asked Saracen. Valkyrie shrugged "I have no idea" she said and giggled. Skulduggery looked over to them "stop talking about me!" He snapped. Saracen burst out laughing and went and jumped onto skulduggery. "We love you mr pleasant!" He sung. "Uh-huh" skulduggery said and just lay there not bothering to push of the full grown smirking man.

When everyone had arrived they either sat on the floor or on the sofa. "Open your presents skulduggery. Now! Now! NOW!" Shrieked tanith. "Fine!" Grumbled skulduggery as he picked up the first gift. Ghastly smiled as it was the gift he had brought. "I want you to try it! Go" ghastly pointed to the bathroom and skulduggery tilted his head but went into the bathroom.

After a few minutes he walked out wearing a navy blue tux. Valkyrie clapped her hands and ran over to him. "It looks so good on you!" She cried and clapped her hands again. "I have a feeling you helped pick this out?" He asked and Valkyrie grinned. "She picked the one that would go with her dress" ghastly said. Skulduggery tilted his head "what dress?" Asked skulduggery. "The dress I'm wearing when we go to the Christmas dance" Valkyrie said and skulduggery nodded and looked down at her. She gave him a peck on the teeth and went and sat back down. Tanith grinned at the kissed and Valkyrie laughed and rolled her eyes.

Skulduggery picked up the last present which was a box but it was light. Valkyrie smirk "I'm guessing this is from you?" Skulduggery asked and Valkyrie nodded. He opened the box and looked in awe at the hat inside the box. It was a navy blue fedora with a black bow on the left side. Valkyrie smiled as he tried it on and tilted it the way he did with all of his hat's. "This is amazing" he said and put a hand on her head. Valkyrie smiled "I designed it myself!" She chirped and ghastly chuckled.

Skulduggery received:
A tuxedo for ghastly.
A revolver polish from tanith.
A signed copy of their new book from the monster Hunters.
A pink tie from Dexter.
A new pair of pea green gloves from Saracen.
A book on fossils from ravel
A book of old man jokes from anton
Last of all a fedora from Valkyrie.

"Oh. My. God! Do you guys remember Teresa flubbahorn?" Asked ravel suddenly. All the dead men except Valkyrie and skulduggery jumped up with excitement and then smirked. "Oh god" skulduggery muttered knowing his friends, they would tell the story. "Who?" Asked Valkyrie. "Skulduggery's second lover!" Dexter cried dramatically and put his hands to his heart. "At least she loved him. I don't think he was very fond of her" ghastly said and burst out laughing. "Damn! That sounds like an interesting story" tanith said mischievously. Saracen nodded "you guy's wanna hear it?" He asked. The girls nodded excitedly and they all gathered around Saracen. Everyone except skulduggery who was sat with his back to them and had his arms and legs crossed.