Diary of A Broken Woman

Chapter 42

Dear Diary,

Have you ever made a mistake and tried to fix it, but got yourself in even more deeper shit? That's me right now. In deep shit and it's so hard to climb out of it. I feel like lately I've just been falling under and under, trying to get out, but so much is pulling me down. I'm honestly getting to a point where I feel like I'm going insane. Like no matter what I do it's wrong. No matter how far I go in life there's always going to be some bullshit. It's just been a lot, but as always I'm trying.

Love,
Miranda

These last few days has honestly been a blur for me. I've just been out of it, trying to bring myself back, but it's been hard. I have everybody calling checking up on me, some angry, some upset while some are hurt. I've been dealing with everybody's emotions and feelings plus mine. And on top of it all I brung in the New Year alone. All by myself.

I was originally suppose to spend it with the kids and hopefully Trey, but after what happened, I couldn't any longer. My face looked terrible. It's been days and it still looks bad. It's still a bit swollen and bruised. I didn't want them seeing me like this. Drew ended up taking them to his house and that's how I spent my new year. Alone. Crying. Disappointed and hurt. I just hate that I'm in this position right now. I hate that I'm in this position with Trey right now.

I haven't talked to Trey at all. Not a text, call or anything. I know Drew told him what happened and I just know he's pissed. He went from atleast texting me to absolutely nothing. I've been blowing his phone up though. Telling him how wrong I am and why I should've listened to him. He has yet to reply to anything and I feel terrible. I made a terrible mistake and it has honestly had everything in my life in shambles. My relationship, my life, and most of all my feelings. For some reason my feelings have been everywhere lately and I've been trying to hold it together, but it's been hard.

For the sake of my baby I've been trying not to be stressed out. Not to worry about a thing. My doctor informed me how crucial this first trimester is and that's all that's been on my mind. Trying to stay healthy for my baby. The last week or two has really been testing me though. It really has. I've decided to just distant myself from everyone and try to get myself together. I haven't left the house since the incident. I haven't seen anyone or talked to them either. I just need to keep it like this for the time being.

"You just won't let mommy eat anything this morning huh?"I said with a frown as I rubbed my belly, looking down at it. It was one of those morning where literally nothing would sit right on my stomach. I've been trying to force myself to eat something for the past hour, but literally nothing works. My baby is not having it. I'm throwing everything right back up within seconds.

I sighed as I looked over on my nightstand seeing that damn letter I had finally finished. Looking at it just brought up that whole night again. I was supposed to read this letter to Darrell that night. That's what I planned to, but things just took a sharp left. That's definitely over now. I swear to God and everything that I love that I will never meet up with Darrell. I will never speak to him a day in my life again. Even though he's not in the facility no more I had them take my number off the call list and I still blocked them. With the way Darrell was acting, I can see him being right back there and I don't even want him to dare call me. I don't give a damn about him. He can rot in hell for all I care. I'm just pissed at myself that I wasted my time. I truly did.

I grabbed the letter from the nightstand, deciding to read it out loud. I've yet to. I literally just poured all my dumbass emotion about him on to that paper. From when I first met him all the way to now. I poured it out without rereading it or anything. Once I read this to myself, I promise he will no longer be a factor in my life.