Diary of A Broken Woman

Chapter 43

Dear Diary,

I don't think people realize how deep depression gets. The different aspects of it. Being depressed doesn't mean you're ready to die or kill yourself. It doesn't mean that you no longer want to live and is suicidal. It doesn't. It can simply be you wanting to be trapped away from the world, not wanting to see a soul. You not having the desire to pick yourself up in the morning and get yourself together. You not wanting to have any social interaction. It's a mental issue. Where you are fighting with your self and all the negative things in your life seem to stand out from the positive. Where you can't help to feel this negative energy take over your body, not wanting you to be happy, not wanting you to do a thing, but think about the bad. It can get you to a point where you are fed up. You can get to a point where you just feel like there's nothing left. There's nothing more you can do.

Love, Miranda

"Mia, DJ get up for school."I yelled out as I made my way down the hallway, knocking on each of their door. I could hear them each began moving around which let me know they were up. I made my way downstairs and got started on breakfast immediately.

And here we were back to our regularly scheduled program. With the holidays, all the celebrating and the kids being on break everything has seemed to be everywhere. Our schedules have been in shambles. We had to get it together this week though. Break is finally over and today's the kids first day back at school. They didn't seem too excited about that, but they had to get over it. They know they don't have a choice.

I finished a quick breakfast before the kids finally came downstairs, fully dressed and ready for their day. They both took a seat at the island to eat as I drunk my tea. I honestly wanted some coffee, but I drink that so heavily that my doctor said it's best that I ease up off of it during the pregnancy. Lord knows that's going to kill me. I love me some Starbucks.

"I have practice today after school, M."Mia admitted before biting her bacon.

"For volleyball right?"I asked. Honestly, sometimes I get confused at Mia's cheerleading and volleyball schedule. I be mixing her practice dates up sometimes.

"Yeah."

"And I have basketball practice."DJ added, sparking my memory.

"And I'll be there to get you both once you're let out."I assured them, making them nod. They finished their breakfast quickly and before I knew it, I heard a honk outside.

"Your brother is outside."I told them, quickly sipping my tea and placing it on the island. Drew decided to take the kids to school. He said he had a few errands to run this morning and wanted to take them. I was glad about that because I'm tired and don't feel like this crazy traffic this morning. They grabbed their book bags as we all made our way to the front door.

"I love you guys, have a great day at school."I said kissing their cheeks.

"Love you too sissy."

"Love you M."

I watched them make their way to the car as I waved at Drew. He waved back, playing his hood music so loud as he nodded his head to the beat. I swear, Drew is a mess. It's not even 8 in the morning yet and he's playing this music this loud. Only he will do this.

Once the kids were safely in the car and drove away, I shut the door heading back in the house. I cleaned up the light mess I made, making sure everything was spotless. I grabbed a food tray and placed Tremaine's food on there before making my way upstairs. The whole time up the stairs I couldn't help to smile for some reason. I am happy as hell to have my man back home, no one knows. I've literally been feeling terrible these past weeks knowing that I pissed him off. Knowing that he felt somewhat betrayed by me. That gave me the worst feeling ever and a feeling I never want to feel from him again. I'm just glad that he's here and we're back on good terms. I've missed my butt butt.