Diary of A Broken Woman

Chapter 28

Dear, Diary

I get that he wants to help, he wants the best for me, but it's hard. I try to not take them, but every time I don't something happens or my thoughts just always stay on the negative. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to those pills, I just depend on them sometimes. Its like they give me a boost, they help me see the positive in life. I don't feel so dull when I take them. They help me, but he does not understand that.

                                   Love,
                                            Miranda

"How you feeling baby?" Trey asked me, entering back into my room.

"I'm fine." I stated, running my hands through my hair.

We were chilling in my room. Trey had work to take care of earlier, but he came straight over like he promised me. The day he found out I was taking those pills I agreed to let him help me. I don't know what he planned on doing to help me, but he promised me he would. The first thing he did to help me is made me flush my new bottle of prescription pills down the toilet.

I won't lie, it was a bit hard. Watching what was pretty much my happiness flush away was harder than I thought. I did it though. I promised him I wouldn't get any more and I mean it. I know it's going to be so hard, but I have to. I know he's trying to help. Usually I would decline that, but I allowed him. He seems genuine with it so, I'm going to trust him.

"I've been looking for a new job, but it's kind of hard." I admitted, closing my laptop. I decided I should start searching for another job. I need it. I need it because I'm not used to just sitting on my behind and not doing anything. I have to occupy my time.

"A new job?" Trey asked as he laid next to me and I sat Indian style on the bed.

"Yeah, a new job. Why you say it like that?" I asked, tucking some hair behind my ear.

"Because you need a break from all that. You be working your ass off all day and night for somebody else."

"I know, but I can't just not do anything. I hate working for other people, but I don't like to just sit around my house. I like to be occupied."

"Then go back to school."

"School?" I asked with a raised brow. That came from no where, I wasn't expecting him to say that.

"Yeah. You can finally go to college like you've always wanted to and then you can own your own shit so you ain't got to work for nobody." Trey told me. I shook my head immediately while nibbling on my bottom lip.

"I can't do that. Its too late for all that."I admitted. What I wanted to go to school for took a few years. I'm a little older now. I don't want to be in my mid thirties just starting my career. There is no way I will be able to.

"What did you just say?" Trey asked, sitting up on his elbows. I immediately sighed hearing him. I already know what he's thinking.

"Trey."

"Pookie, you know I hate to hear you doubt yourself. You can do anything you put your damn mind too. Don't say you can't." He told me sternly.

"But it will take a while though, Trey."

"And? You still can do it Pookie. Stop trying to make excuses." He told me making me sigh.

"Come here."

He took my wrist, pulling me onto his lap as he sat up against the headboard. He gave me a soft kiss on my lips before kissing my hand.

"You should go for it. You always wanted this shit, so do it. Ain't nothing stopping you." Trey told me honestly. There isn't anything stopping me at all.