Diary of A Broken Woman

Chapter 45: Part 4

Dear Diary,

Life has many ways of testing a person's will. Either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once. No matter how much I hold faith and fight through this thing called life, I am no superwoman. I can't handle everything that comes my way.

Love,
         Miranda

I allow myself some days to just lay there and let my thoughts consume me. To sit for once and just analyze everything that's on my mind and my position in life. Each time can get overwhelming for me. It's just brings to my attention how much I've been through and how young I really am. How I still have so much to encounter. The life I've been given has been a lot and sometimes I fear it will only get worst. That what I've been through is destined to what my future will be. But wanting a better outcome is what keep me going. Wanting my future to be different than what my past has been is what makes me strive everyday to make a better life for myself. And now I'm not only striving for a better life just for myself, I'm striving for a better life for my baby as well.

"Baby."I heard my man call out as he stroked my hair so softly, putting me at ease.

"Mhm?"I let out, not bothering to move or open my eyes. I honestly was enjoying just laying here in this position. Knowing the day ahead of me, I was trying to stay as calm and relaxed as possible.

"You gotta get up. You need to hit the rode soon."Trey told me as he softly rubbed my belly.

"What time is it?"I asked, laying in my same position.

"7:24."

I let out a breath as I finally opened my eyes being welcomed by the sunlight beaming through the shades. I stretched my arms and legs before finally sitting up in the bed and being met with my man's beautiful face. That's literally one thing I look forward to everyday, seeing his face.

"Morning baby."I said.

"Good morning Pookie."Trey replied with that cute smile on his face.

"Gosh, I'm tired."I admitted before letting out a yawn. We got in pretty late last night and ontop of that I didn't get much sleep because my mind was too focused on today. Last night was honestly a blast though. It was a much needed night after what we've been encountering. I enjoyed myself and I got to spend some genuine time with my babies, acting a fool like we always do.

"I know. We should've considered this morning before we stayed out so late."Trey stated.

"I know, but I enjoyed myself."I said with a grin making him laugh. I can't even lie, the girls and I enjoyed ourselves the most last night. We were acting our usual goofy selves and having a blast. I literally don't think there was one moment where I wasn't laughing.

"I'm going to go shower real quick."I said as I climbed out the bed. I made my way into the bathroom to take a quick shower to prepare myself for the day ahead of me.

I couldn't help to sigh knowing this is the day I will be going to see Linda. That after all these years we will finally sit down and talk about everything we've faced. All the problems that stand between us, our relationship and plenty more. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. I don't know how to feel about this. Deep, deep inside of me I want to talk to her. I have so many questions that I need answers to and I want her to give them to me. I want to sit with her and address the drama that seems to be between us. But while deep inside of me I feel like this, overall I don't want to see her. I just feel like she drains so much of my energy and have me feeling the worst. Why should I put myself in that position? Why should I risk my energy being tainted? Why should I want to see a woman who only seems to hold hatred towards me? Why should I be pressed to travel hours to see a woman who truly don't give a fuck about me? That doesn't make sense and the more I think about seeing her, the more disgusted I feel. I swear, I'm going to try my hardest to step in there with a positive attitude, but it's going to be hard.