Thantophobia • Joshaya or Lucaya

Chapter 18

Maya's pov:

I came back to my room and just threw myself on the bed. What a morning! I stared at the ceiling and kept thinking of what Bradley said to me. Do I love Josh? No! That's impossible! Love is for suckers.

"Maya!" I heard Riley said, as she came into the room. I looked at her and I noticed that Farkle and Zay are here to.

"Hey guys" I said as I get up.

"You okay there peaches?" Riley asked me, really concerned.

"I'm fine" I replied. "But what Bradley said keep swarming my mind"

"What did he said?" Zay asked, curiously.

"He said that I love Josh" I replied.

"Do you?" Farkle asked and I just couldn't look him in the eyes.

"I don't even know" I replied truthfully.

"Hey Maya, can I ask you something?" Riley said and I nodded in response. "My brother tells you that he loves you.. Do you love him?"

"I don't know Riles" I said as I stood up. "Lucas has been avoiding me lately and I don't even think that he meant what he said"

"He meant it Maya" Zay told me. "Lucas is avoiding you because he thought that it's the right thing to do"

"What?"

"He saw how happy you are with Bradley, and he just want you to be happy, even if that happy doesn't include him" Zay told me.

I let out a long sigh and asked. "So what now?"

"You have to choose" Farkle replies.

"Between Josh and Lucas?" My eyes widened. "I can't.. I just couldn't"

"Maya you have to choose other wise we all got hurt" Riley told me.

"I can't.. What if I make the wrong choice?! What if they leave me instead?!" I said, basically yelling at them.

"You're scared of losing them." Farkle paused. "Thantophobia. The fear of losing someone you love"

"You think I love Josh and Lucas?" I asked. "Is it even possible to love two people at the same time?"

"It is Maya.. You can love two people at the same time but never at the same level" He tells me.

"And peaches, you don't have to be scared of them leaving you.. Because they're both a Matthews, and we Matthews, never leaves people behind" Riley assured me.

"How am I supposed to choose between two people I care about?" I asked Farkle because he's the genius who knows a lot about feelings.

"You have to" Farkle tells me.

"Well, how do I live with myself if I hurt Lucas or Josh?" I asked him again.

"I know who I'd choose" Zay suddenly said.

"You've thought about this before?" I asked him, weirdly.

"Yeah" He shrugs.

"I don't want you thinking about it" I said to him.

"Then I won't" He said and he started to smile really weird and creepy at the same time.

"Okay, stop.. Who would you choose?" I asked him.

"Josh" He simply answered.

"You would?" I asked.

"Yeah.. I like Josh. I'd choose Josh and I'd be happy with Josh" He said.

"You would?" I said, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes.. Decision over, it's Josh" He said. "Or I'd choose Lucas" He suddenly said again.

"What?" I look at him weirdly and confusedly.

"Yeah, yeah, I like Lucas. I'd choose Lucas and I'd be happy with Lucas" He said and I rolled my eyes at his stupidity.

"Zay just stop.. You're not helping" I said.

"Ooh! Ooh! I have a way!" Riley said with excitement and walked to the other side of the room and grab one bag of red jellybeans and one blue jellybeans.

"Jellybeans? You're gonna let jelly beans decide my future?" I asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Oh, who else is supposed to decide your future, you?" She said and I rolled my eyes in response.

"Whatever" I sigh.

"Okay, Let's start with personality. Which guy makes you laugh?" Riley asked the first question.

"Well I always laugh at how Lucas reacts when I make fun of him" I answered.

"Okay, one jellybean for Lucas!" Riley said. "Question number 2. Which guy would you rather have a deep conversation with?"

"That day at the Ski Lodge with Josh.. I could've sat there talking with him forever" I answered.

"Okay, one jellybean for Josh" Riley said. "Question number three who is the mo-"

"Riley stop. This isn't working. I don't think I could choose between the two of them" I said truthfully.

"But Maya you have to choose. This decision could change who we all are together. So make it a good one, alright? I know it's impossible to choose between both of them, but you have to. For the good of all of us. Choose" Farkle said.

"You're right.. This is all really hard and maybe I just need some time" I said, looking at the ground.

"We're always her for you Maya" Riley said and she pulled us into a group hug.

"Guys the bus is leaving in 15 minutes!" We heard Mr. Matthews said from outside.

"You're still not coming to see the Golden Gate?" Riley asked.

"No I'm coming, let's go" I said and Riley linked arms with me and then we walked out of the door.