The Bucket List

important...?

My alarm goes off and I'm suddenly awake. For a moment, I'm okay and then the gloominess settles in again.

I feel so stupid for being such a bitch to Kevin. He usually comes to my house every day but he didn't come yesterday.

He's mad at me.

He was only trying to help but I just pushed him away.

I get up and get dressed in a pair of light-wash skinny jeans and a black knitted sweater. I start to do my makeup but realize I probably won't have time. I usually didn't spend this much time getting ready in the morning but now that I have this whole new makeup routine I have to figure out what time to wake up in the morning. I buff some foundation into my face, followed by some concealer and bronzer and highlight, not in the mood for blush today. I put some light brown eyeshadow in the creases of my eyes and then run a thin line of eyeliner down my lashlines. Then I add quick coat of mascara, paint on some nude lipstick and went downstairs. I shove my books into my bag and slip on some black Keds. It isn't snowy outside but it's still pretty cold.

I get into my car and drive to school, feeling tired. I swerve into an open parking spot, stumble to get out of the car and slowly walk into the school building.

I walk to my locker and open it, shoving some books inside and dropping off my coat and backpack. People start to slowly crowd in as I make my way to my first class: History.

I hate history. I mean, they're all dead anyway, so what's the point, am I right?
But the worst part? This is one of the three classes I share with Kevin this semester. Things are already awkward. I don't need for him to hang around more than he needs to.

I take my usual seat by the window.  I like the window because the view is amazing. Especially in this time of year when the buds on the trees are blooming ad the grass is green, and the sun up against the window, making me warmer, because our classroom is so cold.

Mr. Bernard walks in and starts to explain the lesson.

Kevin walks in late and rather than sitting in his usual spot in the back, he plops his stupid ass in the spot next to me.

"Mr. McAllister," Mr. Bernard asks, "why are you late?"

"Oh, well, you see Mr. Bernard, I was busy doing the homework because I was busy all week helping-" he stops dead in his tracks, and glares at me for a moment. "My mother, she has the flu and I was helping her out."

"Yeah, yeah. Be on time tomorrow or you'll be exempt from class." He warns and Kevin just shrugs his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" I ask him in a harsh whisper.

"Sitting down, why?"

"Why are you sitting next to me? I thought the plan was to just go back and pretending that nothing ever happened."

"I don't really want to, to be honest. I like where we are now."

"We? There is no 'we'. There's me and you."

"Okay, I didn't mean it like that but-"

"I don't care how you meant it. I don't need you." I say, and regret the words as soon as I said them.

"If that's how you feel then.."

"It's not." I say quickly. "I don't even know what I feel right now."

"Then take some time to think." He says, I don't want to deal with this until you decide."

"Fine." I say,a lump forming in my throat. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from tearing up and continue to listen to the history lesson.