The Bucket List

something to say

"Um- Hi." I say, after everyone stares at me.

I'm standing on a lunch table, much like Emily was yesterday. Kevin and I talked and we were going to lie to everyone and say that I didn't have a terminal illness, and pretend that him and I were dating.

"I'm not going to get up here, and tell you why you should vote for me. Honestly, I literally could not care less about this whole thing, but I am going to clear up some stuff about what Emily said yesterday." I could people start chatting with anticipation.

"First of all, the whole thing that she said about me having a terminal illness-" I stop myself and change my mind, "is true." I hear a couple gasps from everyone and look over at Kevin. He looks back at me with a sad expression. "I do have a terminal illness that causes some pain in my everyday life but I've learned to deal with it. So should you. So should she."
I take a second to stare right at her.

"I'm not looking for pity or anything. So don't come ask me if I'm okay, or if I need anything, or anything like that. I'm great. Secondly, Emily and Kevin are not dating. We are. We never broke up. I mean sure, she has tried to steal him away and has harassed him a couple times- sometimes sexually, but they're not dating." This causes more conversation within the crowd. "I didn't come up here to diss Emily. Honestly, vote for her if you want. Or don't. But I think instead of voting for me, you should vote for Natasha." Her eyes widen as I say her name.

"She would never admit it, but I think she might secretly love winning, even if it's only to say she kicked Emily's ass." She laughs at me. "And, she's been dating her boyfriend Julian for years now, and he's also been nominated for King, so vote for them, okay? Thanks, bye."

"Wait!" Emily says, "if you and Kevin are dating, prove it! How do we know that you aren't using him as a way to win?"

"Emily, I literally just told you that I don't care."

"Still. Do it." So without hesitation, I walked towards Kevin's table as everyone cheered, and sat on his lap. I take the back of his neck and pulls him towards me, locking his lips with mine. At first he's shocked, but then at the same time, we both relax at each other's touch, and everything feels like it should.

So, I showed Emily up, hopefully helped Natasha, and kissed the guy I love.

Wait, love?

It has to be love. What else would it be?

I still love Kevin.

Speaking of Kevin, he finds me walking to my class.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"What?"

"I thought you said that you weren't going to tell people..."

"I changed my mind. They shouldn't have to wonder why I just packed up and left all of a sudden."

"And why did you kiss me?"

"Why not? I had to prove a point."

He stops me and turns to face me.

"Did it... Mean anything to you?"

"I don't know, Kevin, okay? I'll see you in class." I walk past him and go straight to my class.

Wow, I feel accomplished. I faced one of my biggest fears by telling the truth about my sickness, kissed the guy I love, and stood up to Emily Hill.

What a day.

•••

I've been laying in the dark for hours again, unable to sleep again. Tired again. This time, I don't get up to have a shower.