The Bucket List

halfway through

Kevin and I are the first ones awake, so we head up to his room to hang out without waking anyone else up.

I don't know why, but I keep thinking about what Ashley said to me last night.

I keep thinking about the fact that I won't go to university, I'll never get a real job, or get married or have kids.

I don't know if I'm just tired or if it's really too much, but a tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away before Kevin notices.

"I saw that." Kevin says, and turn to face him.

"Saw what?"

"Morgan," he says, putting a hand on my shoulder, "what are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired."

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"No, Morgan I can tell-"

"Drop it." I interrupt him.

"No. Tell me what's going on."

"I'm serious, I'm just really tired."

"Talk to me."

"No."

"What's going on with you, Morgan?"

"Nothing, I promise, just stop." I say, knowing that if I tell him, he'll get upset too. Unfortunately, I can't control my tears, and a couple more fall.

"Morgan, you can tell me."

"I don't want to." I say, taking a deep breath.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to make you upset!" I say, more tears falling.

"Why would I be upset?"

"Because... Because..." I can't think of the right words.

"Because why?" He says, softer, putting a hand on my shoulder. At his touch, I lose all control.

"Because I'm halfway through!" I say, starting to bawl.

"Halfway through? Halfway through wha-" He stops as he realizes what I mean. "Oh." I don't say anything just continue to cry on his shoulder as he pulls me closer to him, so that I'm sitting on his crossed legs as my head rests on his chest.

"And I keep thinking about what Ashley said..."

"Morgan! Seriously? Ashley's a downright bitch who literally doesn't know anything more than her own last name. Don't listen to her."

"But she's right." I say, wiping my tears and sitting up.

"How?"

"I'll never go to university."

"So what? I don't want to go anyway."

"Why not?"

"I'm taking a year off because I don't know what I want to do yet."

"At least you have a year." I say, and start to sob again.

"You've never let this stuff get to you, why now?"

"I never thought about school until last night. I don't know why, but I didn't and I can't help but feel like you're all leaving me behind."

"We are not leaving you behind." He says, "do you know how long it's going to take us to get over this?"

"No."

"Months, if not, years."

"And what happens after that? You go off and... Oh, I don't know... Get married and have kids and I'll never be able to be a part of that."