The Bucket List

i'm sorry

It's been a two weeks.

Nothing has gotten better.

Even though Rachel said that we would go back to how things were, they've been avoiding me, but now it's worse.

Kevin and I still haven't resolved anything. He won't even look at me anymore.

Volleyball hasn't been going well either, with everything going on, I'm completely off my game, and ruining it for everyone.

Not only do I have no friends, but I also have been getting comments from this girl named Emily Hill, a girl who's had a crush on Kevin since the beggining of our freshman year. She and him hooked up last year when they were both extremely drunk, and she hasn't left him alone since.

It's all bad. I hate everything.

I just want to die.

I shut my locker door loudly and grab my car keys from my purse, walking into the parking lot. I start the car and drive home in silence. Nothing, not even music can help me at this point.

I've cried every day when I get home for the past two weeks, and I can feel the tears coming on now.

Liam has been distant as well, I think he's afraid to make things worse. He and I still get along and stuff, but when I get like this, he doesn't associate with me.

I just can't take being alone anymore.

I grab the bucket list taped to the wall above my desk and look at it, all the things I wanted to do before I died. It's been almost a month and I've only done about four things. At this rate, nothing will ever happen.

I begin to tear at the piece of paper in the middle at the top, starting small and slowly tearing more and more until the paper is split in two. The second tear is faster, and then before I know it the paper is in a hundred tiny pieces and in a pile on my desk in front of me.

I didn't feel upset about until about five minutes after I did it.

I didn't have another copy. I didn't save it on my computer. I...I still want to complete all those things. Why did I do that? I grab all the pieces and hold them in my hands.

I go downstairs to slip on my shoes, grab my keys and stumble to get outside.

I know exactly where I'm going.

I need to clear things up with someone.

As soon as possible.

I stand outside for only a second before getting in my car and driving off, hoping that they'll be home.

Pulling up to the house, I get nervous, praying that everything will go the way I planned in my head.

Before I can tell myself not to, I push the doorbell. I can feel my heart beating in my toes. I contemplate running away, but when I hear footsteps coming from inside, I realize it's too late.

The door creaks open slowly.

"Morgan?"

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"Do you still have that copy of my list?"

"Yeah, why?" I reach my hands into my coat pockets and pull out my tiny scraps of paper, a few of them drifting away in the wind. Kevin smiles at me.

"You're so weird, you know that?" He says, and reaches into the back pocket of his jeans. He pulls out a piece of paper folded up into a small square, and hands it to me. "Here." He says, and I laugh.