The Bucket List

counting stars

"How did you plan all this?" I ask, and he shrugs his shoulders.

"Let's just say I have resources." He says, and pushes my shoulder.

We sit down on the air mattresses, which are next to the pool.

"Are you cold?" I ask him.

"Kind of." He says, grabbing a blanket.

"Do you have more comfortable clothes to change into?" I ask.

"Yeah. I figured we could change after you saw what I did. But I didn't want to plan everything."

"What are you talking about?"

"I still feel bad that I did everything and didn't let you plan what you wanted to do."

"Come on, Kevin. Everything's fine, I promise. We'll learn from our mistakes and plan together in the future."

"That's the thing." He says, "there isn't a whole lot of future left." He says, and I feel my stomach drop. I open my mouth, trying to think of something to say, but nothing feels right.

"Wait." He says, "that's not what I meant."

"Just, think about what you're going to say." I say, stopping him. "I'm going to go change."

"O-okay."

I don't know what to think.

It feels like my whole body is slowing down.

There isn't a lot of future left.

I pull on a pair of grey sweatpants and a black sweatshirt, slip on some socks and throw my hair up into a messy bun.

I take off all my makeup as quickly as I can, not bothering to wash my face at thoroughly as I normally do.

I go back downstairs and outside to see Kevin sitting on the edge of his bed, facing the direction opposite me.

I pick up a blanket and wrap it around myself, and go to sit down on my bed across from Kevin, but change my mind and decide to sit on his bed, right next to him.

"Listen." Kevin says. "I didn't mean it like that." He says, "I mean I did, but I didn't expect to say it out loud. The truth is, I'm honestly really going to miss you, Morgan. And as of right now, I don't want to fight with you anymore. I understand that you're probably mad, but just know that I'm so sorry."

"I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"No. I know there's not as much time for me as I wish there was. It's taken me a long time to accept that. I guess just hearing it from someone else made it feel worse. But I'm not mad at you. Okay?"

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay."

"You know, I was contemplating scaring you as I was approaching you from behind."

"Well I'm glad you didn't. I would have fucking killed you."

"No you wouldn't have. You love me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You told me."

"I did?"

"Yeah. At the restaurant. Remember?"
How could he not remember? I felt so much emotion when he was saying it. I thought that it meant something to him.

"Oh, that." He says, "Morgan you idiot! That was to get Ashley to back off."

"I'm not sure it was."