My School Diary

Solo and Ensemble (02/03/17)

Background info:

(1) Director of Orchestra is a benevolent dictator (as he likes to be called) and his name... Shawn Head but whenever we need him, we yell out "Head!" or "Señor Cabeza!"

(2) Today (02/03) is Solo while tomorrow (02/04) is Ensemble day

(3) We've only practiced with the pianist once, with no stops or corrections

(4) I'm freaking out

(5) I don't know what to do for the ensemble

---------------

8:28 is my solo time slot.

I came home from school at 3:10 and took a shower to keep myself awake. My daily routine usually has me sleeping until 8 or 9 PM but since the school hosting the event is 30 minutes away, I couldn't have my 4-hour nap. Taking a shower kept me up for the most part, however I fell asleep at 5 and woke up at 6:30 to eat dinner before going. I went to Cy-Springs at 7:50 and waited for about 30 minutes to play. Jennifer went before me at 8:04; a duet played right after around 8:15 and then it was my turn.

Of course, before the solo, I was freaking out. I practiced my solo so many times but in my case, that isn't always good. Sometimes when I practiced too much, I can't play my piece at all afterwards.

When the duet was done and came out, it was my turn.

I walked up to my teacher, that benevolent dictator, and asked him to tune my instrument. Well... more like commanded(?); I walked up and said, "Tune this... [pauses then mumbles] please," He quickly tuned it as I try to calm myself and into the room I went.

My hands were sweating and my heart was beating faster by the second. I greeted the judge, a young lady maybe in her late 20s? I looked around as she gets everything ready, and I saw my teacher outside staring through the window of the door. Gosh it was nerve-wreaking. I looked at my pianist and started.

I can't tell you how bad I was at playing the piece; I messed up the notes, sometimes starting early, and couldn't even end the piece with the correct double-stops (I play the violin, in case anyone doesn't know... very unoriginal, I know)

After the horror was over, I said my goodbyes and walked out. Everyone was there, crowding at the doorway. It was horrible. Jennifer was there; my classmate S'anne was there; even her parents were waiting; and of course SEÑOR CABEZA.

They were all there. I know I messed up bad but they kept saying that I was good. Thank you people but please, if you lie, make it believable.

This is the second time I've ever cried in front of that dictator; this year will be full of tears if this goes on. The second I stepped outside the room, I couldn't hold my tears and they fell, hard. Gosh I couldn't keep it in. But when I looked at Head's expression, I laughed. I mean, you can't really help it when his eyes got wide and speechless and didn't know what to do. So I laughed AND cry.

I mean, after calming a bit down, I wanted to know my score but at the same time I didn't. So when Head got my score sheet, I was refusing to see my grade. I was sitting on the floor facing the wall, blocking any openings to see. I was covering my face with my hands so I couldn't see anything. I told Jen to go see my grade and tell me it but Cabeza wouldn't let her unless I stood up.

Of course, I didn't. More like I didn't have the strength to, too busy trying to stop crying. So Jen was trying to pry my hands away and show me the score but I was stubborn. Señor Cabeza and Jennifer were both trying to pull me up into a standing position by grabbing one of my arm each and pulled me up.

Just saying, I'm heavy; I weigh about 110 pounds so it isn't easy. I honestly gave up my legs and they weren't able to make any progress. I slid across the floor on my butt but still refused to get up. They did however, got me to my feet but I didn't put any strength into my legs and fell right back down.

While all this was happening, S'anne was inside the room playing her solo and I wanted to hear how she was doing. Knowing that if I stood up they would do something, I crawled on my hands and knees to the door and placed my ear on the door. And this still didn't stop those two from trying to show my score. Jennifer was messing up my hair and everything so I held her jokingly in a choking position for a second.

Eventually I saw my grade, I got a one; I was so glad it was a one, the best score you could get.

And the tears came again; this time tears of relief.

Ugh, I don't usually cry so it was embarrassing.

It took over an hour for me to go home and end the day. In the car on the way home, I message Señor Cabeza thanking him.

[I'm very proud of you sandy. You worked really really hard and you earned that one. Brava!!

{Thanks... great, now I'm crying again. Thanks so very much Señor Cabeza, you benevolent dictator}

[aww don't cry. You should be happy and proud :-) you earned a 100 for the semester]

{Thanks for all your lessons!!}

[always happy to help. I will support as long as I can]

But the thing is... I still have my ensemble tomorrow. I'm so scared I'll screw them up.

UPDATE:

I went to do my ensemble.

Holy crap, it was too horrible.

I didn't know that we didn't have to do the repeats.

I was fine during the first half of the piece but then I messed up the second half when doing the repeats.

I honestly didn't think we deserved a three; maybe if I didn't make us do the repeats, we could've gotten a two like the other trios.

In the end, I was the one that caused my group to get a three. I'm just hoping that I can redeem myself and my group on Monday when we play it in class.

I WISH MYSELF THE BEST OF LUCK

UPDATE #2:

I didn't need to perform on Monday. Anyone who didn't participate on Saturday ensemble had to perform in front of a judge and got a mini lesson from him. I just sat there for the whole class time, listening to people play their music; a pretty easy day for me.

I've gotten over the weird weekend and now have to worry about UIL and the playing test on Friday.