Of Love & Sacrifice

24

-'Your surgery was a success, as you can see. Of course with every surgery comes the healing period ok? So we are gonna let you go today to your house of course, but you have to be in complete repose. Which means...no working, no taking care of baby, just lay back with your ice pack and enjoy', Gaga grinned weakly at the doctor and looked down at her lap again, -'...Come back in two weeks for the check up. Call me if you have any questions'....the doctor squatted beside her and tried to grab her hand which she pulled away quickly, looking at him with a pair of terrified eyes, -'Okay then...I'll see you in two weeks', Gaga nodded and cuddled tighter into the hoodie. Mark looked down at the shell of a woman she was. She had started talking a little again, but not real sentences, she preferred to just write what she needed.
Her psychiatrist recommended her to start taking new antidepressants and calming medicine to prevent anxiety. What Gaga hated about this is that she couldnt connect with her baby son the same way, she was afraid and emotionally absent, and he didnt deserved that.

Mark was driving his girlfriend down the highway so they could get to their house in Mali. He felt s cold hand in his, -'Yes Stef?', he looked at her briefly, -'Clues?' She whispered. Thats the only way she was communicating verbally as of right now. Mark held her hand tighter, -'...No, Stef. They dont know where he is', -'How', -'Well, they know he landed in a small german airport and...no one knows where is. Theyre working on it', Gaga pulled her hand back and looked out the window with heavy tears falling down her eyes.
*****
Cynthia and Natali greeted their loved one, swiftly bringing her up the stairs very careful not to hurt her beyond what she already was.
Gaga went into the masterbedroom for the first time for what seemed like years to her. It had a few new things to make her life easier in the next few weeks. There were fresh, new sheets, new pillows and a tray, and also Gi was perched on Mark's side of the bed.
Gianluca looked up from the cartoons he was watching and smiled, getting happy that he finally had his mommy home again.
Mark helped Gaga lay back, he took her shoes off and offered her an ice pack to put on her sore muscles and over the surgery area, -'Do you need something?', Gaga shook her head and covered herself with some blankets, trying to not focus on the pain and focus on her family and safety. Which was hard because it was like every millimiter of her body was bruised.
Gaga decided to shut herself out from the world completely. By 6pm, she had already skipped lunch and she was about to deny delicious dinner. She just felt void of everything that made her a sentient human. Not even when her small son came in, and patted her hand to call her down to eat, did she reacted. She smirked at him lightly and nodded, without her head leaving the pillow.

At 9pm, Mark slipped by her side very carefully, not knowing what her reaction would be. When Gaga felt his breathing creeping up against her back, she immediately pushed him away, -'No. I'll sleep alone' she stated harshly. Mark understood imediately. Of course, how could he be so insensitive?
He nodded and collected his pillow and blanket, -'Goodnight baby, I love you, I'll be in the room next door', Gaga nodded and tried to sleep. Which was impossible without the medicines that the hospital provided.
Every time she closed her eyes it was like seeing everything all over again. Like a movie, but with sensations. She could also feel that her crotch was on fire, or that her upper body felt like it was being hit by a train every time he thrusted inside of her.

At about 2am, she couldnt take it anymore and made her agonizing way into the bedroom that Mark was sleeping in. She stood beside his bed. He was awoken by her sobs, -'....Stef? Whats wrong, why are you not in bed?', -'Cant sleep' she sobbed.

Mark laid Gaga on the bed again and brought her a cup of her favorite ice cream and topping, '-Thank you, she whispered gratefully. Mark nodded and stared at her, -'Why cant you sleep?', Gaga bit her lip after licking the spoon, maybe this was her time to start talking again.
In weak whispers and in between sobs, Gaga started telling the story to her boyfriend, -'...And then when he let go of me, I vomited and I peed myself and I-I just crawled my way to the car, I dont know how, I think I fainted a few times while I was driving and it was just so terrifying, I-' she put the cup down and started crying, 'i dont know how I'm gonna cope, Mark. Everything was so scary and traumatizing, HOW will I ever live a normal life again?', Mark stared at her, taking in her absolute beauty, -'We're gonna help you Stef. You dont need to deal with all of it now, it's a process...a path. And I'll be there sweetie, I will never leave you alone again, I swear', Gaga looked up and nodded, -'...I wasnt prepared for it to happen again', -'It shouldve never happened to you in the first place. Not now, not 15 years ago. It's not right, at any time of anyone's life', Gaga laid back on her pillows and closed her eyes, 'I'm in so much pain' she cried, -'I cant stand it', -'Do you want me to give you a massa-', -'NO. Dont touch me', Mark retreated his hands and sat back, -'Just. Sleep here okay? Make me feel safe.'