Of Love & Sacrifice

25

7am and Gaga was already awake. She looked beside her and saw Mark sleeping peacefully, so she didnt wanted to bother him and interrupt his dreams. After a few minutes of looking at the ceiling, Gianluca opened the door and went in slowly since it was kind of dark. -'Mamma' he said with his small little voice, Gaga looked over and waved at him to come. The boy walked to his mom and kissed her gently, Gaga frowned at the taste and feel of toothpaste all over the place, -'Mamma, potty please' he pouted, -'Okay, lets go' she tried to get up but she felt like if she did, her insides would just drop right out of her, she sighed deeply, mostly in helplessness.
Mark woke up after feeling a slap on the shoulder, his senses came hitting like a full speed train, -'Whats wrong?', -'Nothing, he needs potty', -'Oh. Okay....how are you feeling?'? gaga frowned at him, -'If you dont want him to pee on the carpet, get up and take him to the bathroom!' Her voice was kind of raspy and cracked but she was stern and firm.

-'Mamma can I sweep with you' Gi asked her with his thick accent, Gaga smiled weakly and tried to move to make space but it was impossible without a tremendous amount of pain. Mark came out of the bathroom with toothpaste foam hanging out of his mouth, he saw what he was trying to do and immediately went over to help.
Gaga didnt liked this life, she felt like a fucking handicap, a cripple that depended on everyone for help.

It was around midday and Gi went to his mom's bed with a small box containing a puzzle, he realized she wasnt getting out of bed to go play or swim in the pool so he managed to find something to do.
He sat beside his mom not before kissing her cheek sweetly which Gaga appreciated very much, -'Thank you', -'Mamma, me knows you cant pway with me in the pool....do you want to hwelp me with dis?', his cuteness made Gaga's heart melt, she chuckled and nodded, -'I'd love to'.
A few minutes in the puzzle, Gaga heard Mark talking quite frustrated downstairs. And then she realized he was talking to her label. This was the last thing she wanted. She was feeling so depressed already she just couldn't hold it in anymore and started to cry. She cried for what happened to her, she cried for the helplessness she felt, she cried because she was frustrated, she cried because she was scared and in pain.
Gi was definetely not ready for his mother to start crying out of nowhere in the middle of doing something fun, his eyes watered and soon enough he was crying too, but out of confusion and actual fear that he had hurt her in some way.

Mark went into the masterbedroom and saw Gaga sobbing into a pillow and his son just full blown crying, -'I HUHT MOMMY' he squealed; Mark quickly went to his family, -'You didnt hurt anyone, son. Look, mommy needs some cheer up, ok? And-', -'I dont want anything' she cried from under the pillow, Mark sighed deeply, -'Stef, why are you crying', her weeping became even more desperate, Mark sighed deeply, Gi hugged him tight and wouldnt let go, -'Stef, come on. Youre scaring him', Gaga clenched her jaw to stop crying and removed the pillow, -'I...I was fucking raped, Mark. RAPED. And-And I just DONT know what to do right now, I-I want to die and-', -'NO. Do not fucking say that...NEVER. Okay? Never fucking say that. Youre a strong woman, you've been through a lot. WE'VE been through a lot lately, and we're in this together and-', -'NO WE'RE NOT! Stop fucking...trying to understand. YOU dont understand, NOBODY does! A man I thought I trusted bent me over and fucking RAPED ME. I CANT WALK WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I'M BEING STABBED, I CAN'T HOLD MY OWN SON BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I WAS RUN OVER BY A CAR....so dont fucking come in here and tell me what to do and who I am. I may have been strong in the past' she sobbed, her eyes big like a full moon and overflowing with tears, -'But I am not strong right now' she admitted, it was like a punch in the throat for Mark. He was speechless. He was beinh super insensitive about it all. He held her hand very gently, she was so weak her bones looked brittle, -'I'm sorry. Again. I'm a little overwhelmed, but that's it. I dont wanna make you feel guilty or make you look weak and-', -'Then let me be. I HAVE to go through this pain...to accept it and-and deal with it. For the rest of my fucking life' she cried, wiping her tears witj a tissue. Mark caressed her hand, -'I will help you to the best of my ability'.