The Legend Of Moon

6. Tired

Jeka's POV

The knife cut through my skin with ease while the song 'I don't wanna be here anymore' from Rise Against played, sharing it's lyrics of truth with me through my headphones. "On pins and needles we are waiting for the fall. We count the days scratching lines on the wall. Wait in the wings at someone's back and call. No longer recognize the place that I call home. No longer recognize this face as my own. Somewhere this fate, I lost control", Tim McIlrath's voice sang on a tone of pain, something that fitted the symphonie of my crying heart. The music played, the blood flew out the vains, falling on the ground as my hand continued cutting. No fear creeped out of nowhere, no sense popped up as I stared blankly in front of me, examining the painkillers in front of me with the glass of water. "We backed down, we took no for answers far too long. We felt those walls close around." The words left my mouth as I started to sing allong, so easily said, as if it was all I knew. The little pain I endured, it would all be over soon, I knew so from the start when it got me too much. Soon enough, it would all be over, no more worries, no more fears, no more 'I am sorry' and no more lies. The misery would come to an end, I would be set free from all this sorrow. And nobody would care at all, I would cause no sadness, I would be gone without them knowing. Forgotten, thrown away as if I never remained at all, my hour had come.

"I don't want to be here anymore. I know there's nothing left worth staying for. Your paradise is something I've endured, whoa whoa. See I don't think I can fight this anymore. I'm listening with one foot out the door. And something has to die to be reborn. And I don't want to be here anymore", Tim sang on as another piece of my heart shattered. The walls around me closed in, the world started spinning around as I knew I took my first step and dropped the knife. It got me to grow tired, but I had to stay on my feet as I knew the painkillers would help to speed up the happening and reached for the pills as well as the water, make it slide down my throat before I fell on the ground, going through my knees, landing on the cold floor.

The volume was too loud, too high and yet I liked it. I was dying, I was saying goodbye to the world I never liked, to the place. "On hand and foot we answered every single call. Weathered every day like passing storms. But when we break we will all be gone." It was as if they expressed the feelings I couldn't explain, said the words I couldn't find and said my own goodbye. They grew out to be my voice, shared my emotions with the world as if I was lost. They succeeded in saying I was tired, in telling all the persons I lived with that they wouldn't have to fake their love for me. I was tired of trying, faking and shaking in the corners of my room while crying, holding it all in since nobody would listen. They'd just blame me for who I was, kick me out the door, judge me for the depression that grew into my worst enemy with suicide following closely by, I was done with it all. The mask on my face, I could no longer carry it. It failled me, didn't work anymore, neither did my hope, I sinned hopeless. And nobody was there to save me, nobody was there to hear me out as I cried in silence, as I wrote a letter with the words I could not say. The boy who I used to be, the fake lie, was gone with the happy tears. I was hypnotized by the ashes that called my name, lured me into the darkness, deeper down the road that never seemed to end.

"I don't wanna be here anymore", a sore whisper came out of my mouth as breathing became hearder to do. "I know there's nothing left worth staying for. Your paradise is something I've endured, whoa whoa. See I don't think I can fight this anymore. I'm listening with one foot out the door. And something has to die to be reborn. And I don't want to be here anymore." I didn't belong here, I was no human like the others. I was the victim that nobody liked, the boy who lost it all as a child, the depressed school boy of Trogcross Academy, this was me. It was just a memory, there was something sinister about the way it hurts. It brought me to the point of no return, something I coudn't escape nor run away from. I was struck by the lightning of the never ending hate towards me. The song would be the last thing ever heard of me, would be my comfort as I would hug my ending, would take away some of the pain that got left behind. But it didn't take that long as my vission got blurry, left into several vague pictures of things around me that shouldn't be seen by the normal working eye and mind. But I didn't mind, I was a lost child after all. I did not belong, I didn't want to be here anymore.

The blackness seemed so close as I could feel the song come to an end, saying it's last words as the world closed in on me. The room spinned for a little longer while a soft giggle escaped my lips, I really was pathetic. I was falling inside a whole, letting the voices to to sleep for once in a while, making the creepy faces grin even more as I was fading away. I was gone.