The Legend Of Moon

7. Dead Brother

Thomas' POV

Tears escaped my eyes as I hugged my knees in the corner of my room. They were all lying, my mother, my father, the doctor, the cops, everyone. It just couldn't be true, none of their words were honest statements, they just lied. I knew, there was no way this could be real. He was so kind, so gentle, so pure and innocent. He was still here, very near. I could feel his presence, they couldn't take him away from me. After all, he didn't deserve this.... Not at all... He was my precious little brother... He was the one everyone loved, even if we weren't related by blood. This couldn't be happening and yet it did. A while ago, he passed, faded into ashes, found by my parents who came home after work. None of us could've known, the situation he found in the darkness. Why'd he hide it? Why'd he lie? We could've helped if he let us... Why? It was the question running through my head... I just could not... not believe...

It felt lonely without him here in the house, as if something was missing within my heart. My whole world shattered just because he wasn't here. I still heared his voice, speaking to me so clearly. "Thomas, you take the train tomorrow?", he'd ask if he took it as well once in a while, asking if he could join in my presence, my dear brother. "Can you help me out with French?", he'd whisper softly in shame as he did not understand a single word of the language. His books tightly griped underneath his arms, looking shy-alike to the floor, not meeting me in the eye as I smiled. "I love you, big brother", he'd mummer softly so I wouldn't hear, although I noticed. He walked away fast so I would not ask, still hearing my 'I love you to' back. It was just a simple lie, a waste of my time as he was no more... No more alive...

"Thomas", mom told with tears in her eyes. "I am sorry." She talked so low, I could barely hear, but father interrupted her as she cried, hugging his chest so tightly for her, not letting go, not once. "It's time to be a man now", he said, hiding his sadness behind a mask. "Dead is not something we can come in between. All we can do is accept and move on in memory of the ones we lost. From now, you'll live on in memory of your brother, Thomas." His voice broke down and a single tear ran down his face as he turned away, leading mother with him as they disappeared to their bedroom in private, full of silence and whimpers. "Your brother is no more. He is not with us anymore. He chose his way. God will let him stay until he spreads his wings the right way. He's safe up there, but until the day we'll meet again, please do not rest by his grave. Carry on his name, 'cause Thomas, a smile is what he would've wanted. Remember, he's in your heart."

Messages such as 'I understand' and 'I am here for you if you need to talk' flew in by Facebook, social media and the phone, so I turned it off. His dead soon was known by all, within a couple of hours, a thousand of people send their 'RIP' my way, I could not bear it. My brother, it just couldn't be true. He was strong, loved and wanted by all. He had great grades at school, a lot of friends who liked hanging out with him, he was who I saw to be real. A boy with a pure smile on his face, no mask such as many others. No fears, just life the way it came. But it turned out to be a lie, simply fake putted act. The brother I believed I knew, he never was my brother. It was a puppet I spoke to, a simple doll that talked back as a robot. The brother I thought I knew, he hid beneath it, hiding his identity in all protection from the outside world. My brother... He was never the person that I talked to at all...

"Dear brother", he earlier had send me in a message that same day. "I love you to death." Never I imagined he really meant it, taking it so seriously. Thought it was just to say he loved me, since we were pretty close, yet not at all. In the end a strange and unseen distance kept us apart and refused to allow me to see his real side. The brother I wanted to take acknowledge of, the one I thought was my brother. "Dead, that's what you are. When the world outside seems so alive." The sentence he had written inside his journal on the inside. Was he really dead on the inside? Was he really so depressed? In that case, why did I never see so? Brother, why'd you go away from my reach?

Tears kept on streaming down as I allowed myself to slowely close my eyes, just to fade away in the world of thoughts. I missed him so much, I could not let him go as everyone wanted me to. He was a part of me, he was my world, my family, I could not forget. "Brother", I whispered softly. "As I open my eyes again, please let me know you're with me, for I will never be able to move on without you here. I can just not understand, nor place it. What happened to you as I looked away? Who hurt you that badly that your heart never healed? Who made you bleed so badly that you slowely passed away? Brother, why'd you go? I don't think I could've helped, but I could carry the burden with you, couldn't I? Brother, I miss you. Please return to me." Tears escaped my eyes as I closed my eyes, everything becoming black as my heart stopped beating. "Jeka... I'll be with you soon..."