Drowse - First Season - Finished

Chapter 30 - Caring for Brian / February 1974

POV Helena

After Rog left the room, I got up, because I would be the next one to come in, when the doctor said:

"Helena, I'm sorry, but Brian does not want to see you.

At that moment my friends look at me.

"Are you sure about that, Doctor?" Freddie asked.

"Bri really does not want to see you, Helena," Roger said seriously, looking at me.

I was in shock. At that moment, I sit in the chair, in the waiting room, in silence and tears fall from my face.

Freddie sits down next to me and hugs me and at that moment I fall apart in tears on my friend's lap.

- Take it easy, dear Helena. Everything will be resolved in time, my friend. Please do not be this way. Said Freddie.

Gradually I calmed down. There was a grave silence. After a while, John said,

"So, shall we all have lunch together?"

"Come on, dear Deacy," said Freddie.

We all left the hospital. I got in my car. Next to me was Clare and in the backseat was Sarah and Vanessa. My friends cheered me up and said it was only a matter of time before Bri would forgive me.

I followed the boys' car toward the restaurant. After almost half an hour we arrived at the restaurant and entered the place. The waiter took a large table, for all of us, to be together and then we made our request and talked while we waited for the food. Roger sat across from me and watched me in silence. He picked up a cigarette and lit it, watching me. The way Roger is looking at me is starting to bother me. I stop looking at him and continue to talk to the girls. Shortly afterwards, our orders begin to arrive and we have lunch. After I finish lunch, I ask my friends and I go to a large part of the restaurant where there is a large garden and benches around. I sit on one of those benches in the garden and think of everything that is happening. Some tears fall from my face and I dry them. I really deserve everything that's going on. I'm having consequences for playing with Brian and Roger's feelings. I am a monster. From now on I have to focus only on the Miss London contest and fight for Miss England. That is my goal now.

After a while I am sitting, looking at the garden, thinking in the distance, I hear someone say,

"Are you remorseful, Helena?"

When I hear the voice of the person, I recognize the time. It's Roger's voice. I look at him. Roger stands in front of me, arms folded, his gaze hard, toward me. He looks gorgeous in his jeans, his black All Star, black T-shirt and jeans jacket on top and his colored beret, highlighting with his almost blond hair. His blue eyes are shining, but with anger in my direction. I simply looked at him and ignored him.

"Bri and I made up. We open our hearts. We said how much one missed the friendship of the other, even loving the same woman, even this woman playing with our feelings. Bri and I have decided to give our beautiful friendship, our fellowship a chance. We have always been brothers. We were suffering a lot, that's why. You wanted to act with altruism, but it hurt Brian's heart, is not Helena? Besides hurting my heart, it hurt my friend's heart. Roger said.

I remained silent. Everything Roger said was true.

- Who do you love the most? Brian, Guitar Hero or me Drummer Boy? Roger said sarcastically.

I looked at Roger sadly.

"Brian loves you very much, Helen, just as I love you very much too. I believe that this love, as much on my part as on the part of Brian, does not go away. We will love you for the rest of our lives, but that does not mean that you will make us fools again. For Bri, I am able to give up what I feel for you. I was terribly afraid my friend would die. And as much as I had hurt him, I never hated him. My friendship with Bri will not be shaken again by a woman, much less by you. Not really, "Roger said sadly.

Roger's words were making me cry in silence.

"I do not want to be deceived anymore, to be deceived, thinking you love me and then choosing Brian. You love him, Helen. What you feel for me is compassion, for seeing me suffer, for we have already been friends once. I still say that you have doubts about what you feel about Brian, who is in doubt between Brian and me. You're not fooling me anymore, Helena. I love you very much, I will not deny, but, I will do everything to forget you and when you fulfill your dream of being Miss London, Miss England, because you will, choose Brian. Choose my friend, "Roger said, looking at me with grief.

I get up from the bench and stand in front of him.

"You think it's a matter of choice?" You think it's a joke, everything I feel? You do not know my daily dilemma, what I feel in my heart, after all I can not know who I love the most, Brian or you, the two have conquered me, each in a different way and the love between the two. He never wanted to hurt them. Never. Love is not a game, we do not tell our feelings, Roger. You know that very well. She cried.

"I will live my life, Helen, as much as I love you. Who knows during this time that is to come, I really fall in love with someone, come to love and forget. Said Roger with tears in his eyes.

"I'm not asking Brian or you wait for me." It will be up to you. Move on with your lives. I'll go with mine. And if by chance neither of you wants to stay with me in the future, or I do not decide because you never really belonged to me. You have Alicia, she satisfies you in everything you want, does not she? Who knows if he falls in love with her? "She looked at Roger with grief.

Roger smiled wryly.

"Alicia is no good. She is a futile, self-willed woman, she only wants to know me because she has hopes that one day she will date me. That will be a Rock Star's girlfriend - said Roger annoyed - Alicia only serves for sex.

"You have the women you want, Roger." She smiled sadly. "You are beautiful, seductive, intelligent.

"I do not have the woman I love and I never will," Roger said, looking at me. "You were very cruel, Helena, with Brian and me. And your altruistic gesture will not change the facts. You hurt us a lot.

"Roger, you do not have to remind me of that. I'm already paying for my actions. I already have my consequences. Forget me, you hate me, you'll never be able to forgive me. At least he forgave Bri. Go your way, fight for Queen, you will be a very successful band all over the world. I will go to the pursuit of my dreams. Take care of Brian, he'll need it. Be a friend, a brother, a counselor. I promise I will not be present in their lives. God knows if I'll ever choose one of you and if you're still loving me ... Good luck with your projects, Roger. Excuse. He said, leaving.

POV Roger

After Helena stepped out of my presence I sat on the bench and ran my hand through my hair. I forgave Brian. Why can not I forgive Helena? We could be friends like before, but, I can not. With Helena it's different. Totally different.

POV Helena

After I've paid my share of the lunch I go home. At night Freddie called and said Bri was discharged. I'm happy for him. But I decided to get away from Brian and Roger altogether. Now I'll think about the contest that I'll attend.

To be continued...