pacify her ➳ joshler

17. e

[trigger warning: mention of self harm]
a/n i forgot to put a tw on the other chap(s) oops. sue me.

josh led them up to his room. they got to the door as josh opened it, leading tyler in. tyler crawling onto the bed as josh followed. he climbed into the covers after taking his shoes off. "don't you wanna take that off? won't it get too hot?" josh gestured towards the hoodie that clung to tyler's body. "i'll be fine." tyler reassured, facing josh as he stripped himself of his top.

josh went to turn on the lamp on his bedside table before crawling over tyler on the other side of the bed. josh got comfortable, clearing his throat and resting his head on the pillow. he snaked his arms around tylers waist, pulling him closer. tylers back pressed against josh's warm front. josh slipped his hand under the layers of clothing tyler had on. he placed his hand onto tylers stomach, tracing small circles with his fingertips. it make the brunette feel better, almost. it wasn't sexual at all, josh did it to comfort the smaller boy.

:.｡..｡.:

they laid there for only about an hour. tyler still couldn't sleep. he rested his head on the pillow looking around the dimly lit room. he, then, began to notice how nice josh's room actually was. his desk was neatly assembled. above that was a shelf full of trophies. tyler assumed they were from middle school years, but they still interested him. he scanned the room a little more, seeing a picture of josh and debby. tylers heart stopped for a moment. what is he doing? in bed with someone else's lover? his mothers voice rang in his head.

stay away from him if he does love her.

tyler tried so hard to hold the tears in. his stomach rose and fell sharply, as he tried to restrain the whimpers. "tyler?" josh sleepily said, obviously just waking up. "i'm okay." tyler stated quickly wiping the tears from his face. there was silence for a few moments as the tension overpowered tyler. "i-i don't feel good josh." tyler mumbled still facing the opposite direction from him. "do you need anything? are you o-"

"no, josh. i don't feel good as in i-i'm not ha-happy." tyler choked. this was a lot harder than it seemed.

"ty.." josh moved his hand across tyler, wanting him to turn to face him. "i'm sorry." tyler shifted around, now staring into josh's worried eyes. although, tyler couldn't really see through his blurred vision. "i'm s-so so-sorry josh." tyler whispered, his voice cracking with his sobs.

"wh-why are you apologizing? it's okay." josh wiped tylers tears away, caressing his pale cheeks. "i br-broke the promise, jo-osh." tyler let out a heart-wrenching cry. "i-i hurt myself." tyler mumbled.

josh felt the lump in his throat grow larger. his heart was breaking with every sob tyler emitted. he grabbed tyler and pulled him into his arms. josh never wanted to let go as he rubbed tyler's back with his free hand. "it's okay, it's okay." josh closed his eyes, tears sliding from his eyes.

josh pulled away and sat up, as he got up from the bed. tyler sat up watching josh. "where are you going?" his voice showing only concern. "come with me." josh walked on the other side of the bed, taking tylers hand in his. josh guided them towards the bathroom. once they were in he closed the door. tyler eyed josh with pleading eyes. josh strolled over to him, wrapping his arms around tylers waist.

tyler reached his arms around josh's neck. they stayed like that for a minute until josh hooked his hands on the end of tylers hoodie. "can i?" tyler froze knowing that it would reveal his cuts. he thought about it but he trusted josh. tyler nodded slowly as he pulled away from josh's embrace. josh started lifting the hoodie off of tylers torso. he slipped it over his head and tossed it out of the way.

tyler stood frozen as josh gave him pained eyes. josh glanced down at his arms. scars covered them, some old and some obviously new. he let his fingertips brush lightly over the skin before picking tylers arm up. josh scanned his arm, bringing it up to his mouth. he gave it a little peck before dropping it back down to tyler's side.

"do you wanna shower?" tyler quickly nodded at josh's question. josh smiled weakly as he started taking off his jeans. tyler stepped back, stripping himself of his own clothes as well. josh turned on the shower making sure it was to the warm side.

as soon as their clothes were off, josh grabbed tylers hand pulling him in the shower. it was slightly cold but tolerable until it warmed up. the water ran down josh back, making him get goosebumps. it felt nice though.

"what?" tyler asked. josh didn't realize he was staring until he looked away. "you're just.. so beautiful." josh stated. tyler blushed, stepping forward into the warm water, now. josh grabbed tylers hand lacing their fingers together. "so perfect." josh brought his hand against his lips again. "so breathtaking." he began leaving kiss all up and down tylers arm. when he got to his shoulder, he brought his lips to tyler's. giving him a sweet, innocence kiss. "so captivating."

tylers wet eyelashes rested on his cheeks for a moment as josh pulled away. "i-" tyler fluttered his eyes opened water droplets falling down his face. "i wish you knew how much i love you." tyler snaked his hands around josh's middle, resting his head on his wet chest. "i love you more than i love myself." tyler whispered. it was barely audible over the shower running but josh caught it. he ran his fingers through tylers brown wet hair. "i love you." tyler pulled himself off of josh. his fingertips lingering on josh's wet skin. he looked up at the bright haired boy he's come to love. they locked eyes before tyler slowly brushed his lips against josh's soft ones.

"please don't hurt yourself." josh muttered.

"please don't hurt me." tyler softly spoke, pushing his lips against josh's.

-

a/n
i'm such an annoying friend. all i do is send people memes and pictures of josh dun. 🙃