Ronnie's Songs (Completed) #Wattys2017

XV - Giving You Up

And there's a battle within that I'll never win, 'cause it's me that I'm up against. It's my heart versus common sense. Can I give you up?

Christmas couldn't come any closer. Justin Beiber said that "it's the most beautiful time of the year". Boy, how very wrong he was...

The holidays are fast approaching but it's probably going to be the worst Christmas of my life, and there's my birthday, too... just four days shy from Christmas time. I literally want to do nothing that day. I'll lock myself up in my dormitory, sleep, or read books, or watch movies. I don't want any interaction with anyone. I need a desperate break.

I refused to see Tom ever since he started out going furious against Luke. Thankfully, he's not visiting me in my place and he listened when I told him to stay away from me.

I was avoiding Luke as well because I was feeling too much guilt of how I ruined their friendship, but sometimes we come across each other in campus and he's giving me these intense glances. I look away.

My misery didn't become any lesser as most of these days, I rarely see my stupid best friend. He's always out and about. I am quite certain that he's hiding something from me, otherwise I just can't fathom why he doesn't disturb my peace as often as usual. He knew what happened between Tom, Luke, and I. He tried to arrange a reconciliation for his two best friends but things aren't always that easy.

Currently, I'm sitting in front of my laptop, here in the secluded corner of this shabby café. I took a sip of my hot chocolate. I needed this. My heart's going cold and also, snowflakes outside had been falling like mad. It's a negative weather today and admittedly, it cheers me up a bit. I've always like the cold unlike most people.

Funny how I had suddenly gotten close with my parents. After their visit last month, they kept contacting me non-stop every day. I surprisingly found it comforting, although it's annoying me often because they're always asking me about the boys and the state of my heart.

The state of my heart... 

I can't even achieve a good state of mind, much less a good state of heart. Sigh... 

Dad surely has a way of stringing words together. I shook my head at the thought as I put down my mug of hot chocolate. My fellow students from the university kept popping out of nowhere. I see familiar faces but none that I would really want to talk to. I just give them a friendly smile whenever they catch a glimpse of me.

I shut my laptop down when I felt that there was enough number of people in the café to make me feel agoraphobic. I never really liked being in a crowd, let alone being only with myself in a crowd.

I gathered my things and stood up from my seat. I left a small tip on the table, as the waitress was kind enough to let me stay for a few hours. Yes... hours... I've watched people come and go far too literally.

As I entered the lobby of my dormitory's building, Mr. Lewis, the caretaker, handed me my usual posts. Mr. Lewis is a nice old man with a grumpy wife. It is rumoured, and in a humorous way, by other students who lived in the building, that Mrs. Lewis is suffering from Alzheimer's that made her become that "anti-social". If it's true, it's definitely not something to kid about.

"Thanks, Mr. Lewis," I said politely as I received the posts.

He gave me a nod and a genuine smile as I headed for the lift.

A few minutes after, I arrived at my unit. I struggled to rummage my key in the mess of things inside my bag. I stomped my right foot in impatience as my laptop was heavy and I couldn't wait to remove it from my rucksack.