Ronnie's Songs (Completed) #Wattys2017

XVI - Happier

Just know that I'll be waiting here for you...

Was he that easy to "unlove"?

If only he knew my answer to that question...

After all this time, I still don't know why I let him back into my life, and I'm certain that was not because I can "unlove" him. Somehow, I know I can't.

Sigh...

We stayed leaning on the headboard for quite a while. My sobs died down and I felt so tired--physically and emotionally.

We were both staring straight ahead. My legs were extended in front of me. I had the most comfortable and relaxing position but my heart couldn't say the same.

What about Luke?

Yes... What about him?

I like Luke...

I really do.

I'm this close to giving him a chance but every time I make a conclusive decision, my mind always ends up with thoughts of Tom. I'm going insane.

I felt him turn his head towards my direction.

"I did hurt you a lot, didn't I?" he asked in a very calm and collected manner, but I could hear his self-hatred on those words.

I let out a deep breath. Most days, it's all what I can do to express my discomfort.

"We hurt each other a lot," I stated in a quiet voice. "Maybe this should be e-enough... Maybe we should... maybe w-we should just stop."

He didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then he came back with an unexpected and brutally honest answer, "You know damn well I can't do that, Veronica. Why do you give up so easily? Tell me, I want to know. I want to know... because until then... until then I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for letting you give up on me. Y-you're pushing me away too much that sometimes... sometimes, I'm frightened I might do just that and regret."

My eyes travelled to his face but I looked away immediately. I couldn't stand the hurt look on his face.

"I-I'm sorry..." was all I muttered with all the strength that's left in me.

"I really hate that word," he said in spite, "but we all say that a lot. And I wish--I wish that wasn't always the case." He sighed.

I slowly slid myself down to lie on the bed. I stared at the purple ceiling of my room. It made me feel even sadder.

Tom copied me. He lay down himself on the bed and was considerate enough to not break the distance between us.

Silence overtook our atmosphere again. I wasn't sure what to say so I just mindlessly waited for him to say anything. I could sense him having deep thoughts. Tom was never one to think before speaking, he usually says what he wants. I believe he's really trying to achieve something here, and I'm not sure I could give him that. Again.

I closed my eyes, letting the silence stretch farther more between us. I felt him stir beside me and then I heard the stereo blasting a melancholy Ed Sheeran ballad.

"Funny how we can never really get tired of our favourite things, eh?" he muttered. "I remember giving you a set of his albums for your birthday. I couldn't forget the jealousy I felt. You were so happy. Damn, bless this lad!" he then started conversationally.

I knew he was trying to lighten up the atmosphere so I decided to play with it.

Some things are better to be forgotten for a while than to be pushed in a wrong timing.