Ronnie's Songs (Completed) #Wattys2017

I - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

This is it. I've had enough...

"Hey, Ronnie. Come on, listen to me," said my best friend, Chris, "Shit happens, alright? Now, what you've got to do is get out there and continue your life. It's not the end of the world!"

I gave him an incredulous look. "How could you always be so insensitive?!" I asked, sounding seriously pissed off. "You're supposed to be my best friend, you know!"

Chris made a small sound like he was about to laugh and said, "Of course, I'm your best mate! Always and forever! That's why I'm telling you that you shouldn't weep here over that good-for-nothing arse! Goodness, Ronnie! You didn't even last two weeks!"

"Now, why don't you rub it in a bit harder?" I said sarcastically, wiping the last drop of tears left on my cheeks.

Chris was standing opposite me and leaning on my study table whilst I was sitting and weeping on the bed. He decided to sit next to me and did what he always did best--told me off for how stupid I am.

He rubbed my back and told me, "Ronnie, we're only twenty. We're a snap away from graduating in Uni. We've got to focus on that right now, okay? My Mum's always told me--"

"--that there are plenty of love opportunities after Uni. I get it. But it just feels really bad that they all had to break up with me," I said, eventually letting out a heavy sigh.

"Well, not all of them. Remember when you broke up with--"

"Oh, shut up! Will you?" I frowned. I don't even want to hear the name of that scum.

"I mean, really! What happened to the both of you?" Chris pressed. Friends are sometimes annoying, aren't they?

"Like what you said earlier, shit happens."

"But I don't get it," he said, " I thought you loved him so much."

I guess it was just the spur of the moment why I said it out loud, "I thought he loved me so much!" I shook my head, realising what I just blurted out, and looked at Chris as serious as I could. "Please, Chris... Don't make this even harder for me. You know how worse it gets when we're on that subject."

Chris finally got serious with our conversation. He looked at me like I just told him that the world used to be flat and then he finally forced a smile, a sad and sympathetic smile, and said, "Okay. I apologise."

"Thank you," I said. "For everything. I appreciate your presence right now, just so you know. I always do, actually. But let's not talk about things that don't matter anymore. It just... it just makes me feel worse everytime that becomes the subject."

"Sure, milady!" Chris joked. "Should I call Heartbreak Hotline now?" he added, and we both chuckled.

"No, your advise alone is enough. I don't want my ears to get damaged," I said and we both laughed.

Chris and I attend the same University. We've been best friends since childhood and because we're both an only child, we found a brother and a sister in one another.

I've always bawled my eyes out for the same damn reason: my boyfriends break up with me. Well, not since Boyfriend No. 1. I sort of broke up with him... I've only had four boyfriends, by the way. The one who broke up with me recently is included in that list of guys. Those three past boyfriends broke up with me for the same damn reason also: I don't want to do it, yet. And I always cried because I liked them all, but turns out they all have hidden agenda.

Chris took a phone call and after a few minutes, he told me he had to go because his other best friend wants to see him. As soon as I nodded my head yes, he hugged me, then said goodbye. He will always choose that insane person over me.

"I hope you don't kill yourself," Chris joked before he went away.

"Just go, Chris," I mumbled.

This is some kind of a black magic, isn't it? A form of karma or something?

After I broke up with him, Boyfriend no. 1, I never had another proper relationship. It's so unfair! He gets to date all the women in sight and I've been so careful of picking guys to date but it ends up like this. I swear, this is the last time I'm going to go out with a guy for a long time. 

I'm starting to hate boys when I know that it's wrong, because I'm making such a hasty generalisation. Still, many of them, if not all, are complete morons. Absolutely.

Sigh.

All I want is for somebody to love me the way Michaelangelo from Ninja Turtles love pizza. Is that so hard to ask?

I'm already seeing what might happen in the near future. The elders will tell me that I'm too young to think about this. "It's rubbish, blabla". I know. Although, I grew up in a family where I feel like nobody cares for me. Mum and Dad have always worked. I never saw them everyday like a normal child. I only see them twice a year. Christmas and New Year. Then, they decided to retire and suddenly they care about me. Splendid.

Chris has always told me that I'm such a special girl and that any man would be lucky to have me. If that were true, then why am I in such a complicated haze? 

I am a happy person. Outside. I tend to shut out all the bad things and hide them at the back of my brain. If I can be an optimist all the time, I would be.

I don't want to see a sad person. Whenever Chris's in a bad mood, or if a friend is crying, my jokes are already stored in a chest and all I have to do is share it with them. I always try to lighten up the mood. I don't want awkward moments. I always try to see the good in everything. But what is the good in this situation?

I liked them all. I had feelings for these boys that were never returned. It's okay, quite honestly. It's just that, I get upset because I start to think that maybe it's on me. Perhaps I am not worthy of care nor attention. Nor love.

Maybe I should just stop caring about other people, too.

No, I'm not that kind of person. I don't take out my anger on something else or someone else. I always keep it deep within. It's hard, mind you. There are times when I just want to explode but I don't, because I don't want to hurt others. I've been hurt too much. I don't want to impose it on other people. That's not right. No one deserves to be hurt the way I've been hurt. It's emotionally devastating. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. I should focus on doing something productive. I can't be like this for the rest of the night. I should be used to this drama, but I guess nobody gets used to getting their hearts broken. Even if it happens like a cycle.

Alright, I'll stop here. From now on, I'm going to slow things down and give myself more time. The best is yet to come. Hopefully. 

After all, what could possibly be worse?