step into the sun || c.m

chapter four

He didn't want to go to class. He also didn't know where else he would go. The only other place that he knew was with Cierra, and he obviously couldn't go to her. So he stood in the middle of the commons area of his school, not sure where to go. He didn't even remember what his first class was. His schedule was crumpled up at bottom of his bag, and he had little to no intention of fishing it out now. All he could think about was Cierra, and how in only seven months, she will no longer be at his side. He will no longer be able to drive her jeep, or hold her hand, or steal glances at her. He was going to have to go through the last year of this joke they called high school without her. He could barely even get through it with her.

"Connor Murphy, what are you doing?" He turned around to see Vice Principal Martins with her arms crossed over the top of her pantsuit. He opened his mouth to say something, but she just put her finger up. "Nevermind, I don't want to hear it." Connor opened his mouth again to tell her he had absolutely no idea whatsoever , but was cut off almost instantly. "Get to wherever it is you need to be." She turned around and started walking away before she was even able to make sure he had gone. And only because he wasn't in the mood to be personally escorted to his first period class that he was almost certain he didn't want to be in. The only other place he knew was the steps by the door the janitors used kinda tucked away in the corner of the four hundred hall. He and Cierra would go there to smoke a lot, and no one ever caught them. When they found it freshman year, it was basically a blessing. Teachers never ever looked there, and if janitors caught you, they almost never cared. They were probably out there to do the exact same thing. So he booked it to the four hundred hall, speed walked to the very end, and found the door that was a slightly darker shade of brown than the rest of the doors in the entire school and was for some reason, labeled, "Storage Closet." It was probably that stoner janitor who didn't want the administrators finding out about his habit he tended to indulge on campus. So Connor opened the door, it was unlocked as always, and she stepped out into the cold air. It pressed against his already brittle skin, and it felt amazing. He put his arms out, as if he was about to fly away. He imagined he was on top of the ledge, but this time he wasn't with Cierra. He was by himself. And he wasn't about to jump, he was about to fly.

"Dude, what the frick are you doing?" He heard a slightly annoying voice cackle from below him. He looked down, and saw that weird kid Jared Kleinman who often referred to people as gamers and he swore he saw him working at Lush. Well, he was certain about it. He was at the mall over the summer trying to find something for Cierra's birthday. He ended up getting her a metal bracelet that had both of their initials carved in it, but that is besides the point. He went into Lush, cause according to WikiAsk girls loved that place, and he saw Jared. They both saw one another, but Connor left and they just never spoke about it. He hoped today wouldn't be the day they did.

"I um.. I come out here a lot." He instantly put his arms down, and he slung his bag off of his shoulder and onto the second step, and sat on the first step. Jared didn't really look up at him, just kinda glanced when he sat down.

"Yeah, with that hot as hell blonde drug dealer." He folded his arms. That comment basically made Connor's blood boil over, but he had to suppress it. After all the years of Connor and Cierra being basically inseparable, people had next to no idea that they were friends. Everyone, including his family, was convinced they were one another's drug dealer. He never cared to correct them, and this weird kid who probably still plays Minecraft was most certainly not an acceptation.

"Shouldn't you be in the computer lab with your World of Warcraft friends?" Connor started digging around in his bag for a pack of cigarettes, not asking Jared if it was okay if he smoked.

"Nah, I don't have any of those." He chuckled, pushing up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "Most of my friends are from the summer camp I go t-" Connor started chuckling as he put the cigarette in his mouth and pulled the lighter up to his lips.

"You and I both know that those camp friends aren't real." He continued to laugh. This kid was kind of pathetic, pretending to have friends. Connor didn't have friends either, so he should be the last one to judge. But at least he wasn't pretending to have friends.

"No wonder you don't have friends." That Jared kid turned around, the look on his face not really angry or distraught. "You're a real dick." Usually when people told him that, they were fuming out of their ears, or at least a little angry. This kid was just stating a well known fact that Connor, was in fact, a dick.

"So I have been told." He took a drag from his cigarette, exhaling the mainstream smoke from the side of his mouth. "I am the last person who should be judging you. Since I too, have no friends." He laughed a little. It was a lie... Kind of. He wasn't really sure if the fact that he walked out ended the friendship. He tried to convince himself that he really didn't care, but the back of his mind was pulling a string on his heart, a string that had small barbed wire poking out of it.

"At least you get to hang out with that hot drug dealer." He was referring to Cierra, and it still made his blood boil and his skin itch with the thought of this stranger, this kid who probably watches Clash Of Clans porn on his phone during lunch, only saw the absolute light of his life as 'that hot drug dealer.' But he suppressed it, like he did every other emotion he ever felt for her. "Only... acquaintance I have is that kid Evan who is really obsessed with trees and shit." He looked back at Connor, and this time he didn't turn around, he turned his whole body around, and Connor instantly got uncomfortable. "I mean, it is a step up from someone whose obsessed with drugs but... I'm not picky." He shrugged. Connor took yet another drag from his cigarette, and let out yet another laugh.

"We aren't friends, dude." He looked down at his combat boots, and saw Cierra's name written across the toe of his shoe in bright neon purple. She wrote it in her curly handwriting at the beginning of this year, after Connor got home from his annual shoe shopping trip with his mother. He still went on those. "I don't have any friends. You aren't an acceptation." He looked at Jared, and squinted just a little. It was sunny out, despite the cold.

"And the dick reputation continues." He chuckles a little, pushing his glasses up on his nose. When Connor doesn't laugh as well, he tries his hardest to cover it with a cough. He still noticed. "I do have one favor." He started, folding his hands on his lap. "How about we say we are friends." Connor frowned at this, already hating the idea. "Or, I can say we are friends and you don't deny it." Connor still hated it.

"Yeah, I don't think so." He takes yet another drag from his cigarette, trying to calm himself just a little bit so he doesn't make this geek child cry or something. "So, I can't stand to be around you for one more second, if I am being completely honest. So one of us is going to have to leave. And I know for a fucking fact that it is most certainly not going to be me." He smiled a toothless smile, and watched that Jared kid grumble around, grabbing his backpack and slinging it on his back.

"Now I can say firsthand, that Connor Murphy is most likely the biggest dick I have ever met." He mockingly looked to the sky and sighed. "Wow." And he walked back inside the building through the 'Storage Closet', leaving Connor outside alone. Connor didn't leave. He stayed for what seemed like forever, and it was. He stayed sitting at that door, watching janitors come and go, a couple of them came out to smoke a joint or a cigarette. He didn't care. They never bothered him. He watched some kids get into their cars and drive away during lunch, and then again at the end of the day. He stayed there from when the sun was in the middle of the sky, and when the sun set. Throughout the day, he felt his phone ring many times. He was certain the ones closer to the end of the night were from his mother, but he didn't care. He did care about the fact that Cierra was calling and texting him as well, probably worried. The sun was going down in the sky, and he had no fucking idea where he was going to go and how in the world he was going to get there.

Until he heard that door behind him click open.

author's note// hey i saw beauty and the beast and i sobbed it was so amazing