step into the sun || c.m

chapter five

"How long have you been here." He heard the voice that he was so familiar with. He let out a sigh, his brain telling him he didn't want her here, but that string that was dotted with barbed wire pulled and pulled trying to get him to feel some sort of joy.

"Since I got out of your car." He huffed a little. He looked down at his feet, and he saw hers right next to his. Their shoes seemingly the same, one pair just bigger than the others, and different drawings across the toes. It caused a smile to creep on his face. The picture was perfect, almost. There were three cigarettes dotting the ground, all of Connor's from throughout the day.

"Connor, I really am sorry. I would do anything to stay." She whispered, grabbed his hand and taking it in hers. "You are the only friend I have ever had. And the only friend I will ever want at that." She started to lace her fingers with his. "Just about everyone in this fucked up world is an asshole or a douchebag or a bitch... And I was lucky enough to find an asshole that I liked." She leaned against him a little bit, and squeezed his fingers. He let out another huff, which was meant as a laugh, and no one else in the world but Cierra would've known that it was supposed to be.

"Eh, I hate everyone but you too." He leaned against her for a second, giving her hand a squeeze just as she did. He felt his heart ache for her, ache to be closer to her even though they were sitting only centimeters away from one another. He ached for her touch even though their fingers were entwined. "It's gonna suck hating everyone senior year." He muttered, looking back down at their feet, stretched out next to one another.

The perfect picture.

The picture he won't be able to see come August second of this year. She laughed a little.

"Yeah, it's going to suck having to hate everyone in Wisconsin by myself." She retorted, trying to make the fact that his whole world was crumbling around him into a somewhat of a joke. "I'm going to have to find a new spot, and a new guy who lets me draw on his combat boots who agrees to drive and..." She sucked in a deep breath, "Is just like you." His heart dropped down into the pits of his stomach. He hated when she said things like this. He had heard her talk to so many other people, and she was a total bitch to everyone. Even that Evan Hansen kid who never talks, only stutters. He dropped all of his papers on the floor in Cierra's general direction freshman year, and she lost her shit on him, basically screaming, telling him he was probably mentally handicapped. He hated the fact she said those sweet things, having no idea every single time she did, she chipped away at his heart just a little more.

"Can't be any worse than it is here. You could always start over, become popular, highlight your hair, take a gymnastics class over the summer, become a cheerleader, screw the quarterback and his best friend. Get pregnant.  Hell, maybe you could even join the glee club cause there's some bitch who just loves your quarterback boyfrien-" Before he could even finish she used her available hand to swat his arm. Connor basically broke into hysterics, or whatever his brain and body was capable of pulling together that was somewhat close to hysterics.

"I went through a glee phase in the eighth grade, Connor. Let it die, jesus fucking christ." She started laughing to, basically unable to keep her laughter down. They both continued laughing for a few more seconds, until the laughter died out in a solemn sadness, following a realization of the extremely short time they had left together.

"Hey Connor." She started. Connor looked over at her, and she looked just about the same as when he last saw her, since he could see the tears in her eyes pooling the same way they did only hours earlier. "Can I be disgusting and emotional and mushy just for a few minutes, and then for the next seven months, can we just forget about me moving. Live our lives just as we were before, okay?" He chuckled at her.

"Jesus fuck, Cierra." She slapped him again. He looked deep in her eyes, waiting for her to start.

"Just let me do this." She smiled a little, causing a tear slip down the side of her face. "Connor, you are my best and only friend. You mean the world and more to me. I have never ever told you this, even though I am sure you know." She sucked in some air, gathering her courage. "That night, you saved my life. That night was Jenny Cole's thirteenth birthday party. That whole year I wasn't invited to a single birthday party, except for Jenny's. All the girls in my classes thought I was weird, and their moms thought I was a future druggie, which they weren't wrong about, but it still hurt. I remember all throughout that year, all the girls made fun of me, calling me grunge and goth, and I remembered one asked me if I had daddy issues. So when I got that invitation in the mail, I just... I was the happiest girl in the world." She smiled at the memory, but the smile quickly turned over when she remembered what happened next. "My mom was so proud of me. She was happier for me than I was. So when we drove for a half an hour to the so called party venue, and we saw it was actually an abandoned crack house, I was destroyed. They had lied, they were probably all there eating popcorn and watching the Princess Diaries laughing at that skinny little goth girl who thought maybe, just maybe, she was worth something." She didn't sob, but her tears flowed down her cheeks, seeming to never end. She was beautiful. A loose strand of hair fell down by her cheek and he didn't even fight the urge to tuck it behind her ear. "I went to that ledge to jump. I thought there was no one in the world that was on my side. I thought I was all alone, with no one out there who would ever see me as anything more than a waste of space." Her sad face slowly started to melt away. "Then I saw some kid sitting on that ledge, with his hair way too long and boots that looked like mine, and didn't look at me and feel disgusted. I saw a kid who didn't look at my pale skin and band t-shirt and think 'I bet she has daddy issues.' Connor, I would've killed myself that night. I was so ready to do it, but instead of that, I found the most important person in my life. I can't thank you enough. You have never failed to look past what I look like, and I have tried my best to do the same for you, though it may be hard cause your hair is disgusting, Connor." She laughed a little, her face that was previously covered in tears and despair, was now grinning ear to ear. "I love you Connor." His heart shattered.

"That was disgusting Cierra." He chuckled, which earned him the third slap on the arm he had received that night. "But I love you too." She rested her head against his shoulder. The sky was completely dark, and he didn't care at all about the fact that it was a school night and it was probably pretty late.

"Can we go back to living our lives like normal?" Cierra asked, moving her fingers around in his hand. Connor nodded.

"Yeah. Is your jeep parked out front? I'm hungry as fuck. I haven't eaten a thing all day." He groaned, unlacing his fingers with hers and standing up. He hadn't stood up all day either, and he felt like every joint in his body popped and cracked. She stood up with him.

"Me too." She smiled. She turned her back and started to walk back through the door she had come out from, of course still open. He followed her willingly, like he always did.

There was a sound in the very back of his head that sounded like a ticking clock, ticking away the seconds, minutes, and hours that he had left with her.

author's note// DOOODS hey how are ya i had a bad day and i broke up with my boufriend yikeadoos