step into the sun || c.m

chapter sixteen

Connor had only made out with a couple of girls in his lifetime. It was usually at parties, and it was usually girls he couldn't even remember the color of their hair. And it especially wasn't with someone Cierra knew about.

This was a first for him.

He was sitting, himself completely sober and this girl just a tad bit tipsy, making out with very, very pretty girl in a very, very revealing swimsuit who was literally sitting on top of him.

And he hated it.

The only thing running through his mind was Cierra. How he wished more than anything that this girl was Cierra. How she was sitting out there, only yards away probably thinking about what Connor was doing in here, thinking about how god knows what could be happening. And maybe god knows what would happen. Maybe he would let god knows what happen. The thought terrified them. Yet, he kept his slender fingers placed tightly at her waistline, pretending his very hardest he was enjoying it. He thought her boob was literally going to fall right out, and it seemed as if that is what she was trying to do. He hooked his finger ever so slightly on the lining of her swimsuit, pulling it back so maybe he wouldn't see her breasts because in all honesty he didn't want to. He heard a laugh escape her lips as she pulled away just a little.

"Was is it you're doing exactly, Connor?" She was only looking at his lips, not even bothering to see what color his eyes were. If you were to ask her, she would probably have next to no idea.

"Making sure you don't fall out of your swimsuit." He declared trying his level best not to look embarrassed. She let out another giggle, and it made him want to run straight into the ocean and never ever resurface. He gave her a smile, not showing any teeth, and hoped she would accept it.

And thankfully, she did. Her lips connected with his again, and she got right back to work, but this time she pulled the straps of her swimsuit down so that they fell on her shoulders. With one swift movement, it would fall completely down, and once she got impatient with Connor not preforming that one swift movement, and proceeded to do it herself. He didn't like this one bit, but he did exactly what this girl wanted him to. He moved when she implied he wanted to move, he put his lips wherever it was she wanted him to, and he said exactly what she wanted him to say. He despised every single second of it. He hated that he was giving himself to this girl, he hated he was giving up something so important to some random girl whose last name he didn't know, or simply didn't remember. She seemed to enjoy herself, making sounds he could only describe as pornographic. He honestly couldn't tell how authentic they were. He just continued to go along with it, pretending he was anywhere else in the world, except with Cierra. God, who knew what Cierra would think of him. She may pat him on the back, tell him good job! You got laid, most high school outcasts can't really say the same. Maybe she'd get mad, saying he was better than hooking up with some random girl at the beach. It didn't really matter, absolutely none of the options made him feel anything less than absolutely nauseated.

"Have you ever done this before?" She breathed out, somewhere in the middle. He couldn't really tell, he didn't enjoy a second of it. He looked up at her, and she sure looked like she liked it. He really wasn't doing a whole lot, but she looked like it.

"Um... Um no." He admitted. She shook her head, a bigger smiling forming on her face.

"You're fucking good at it." Eventually she decided to stop, after she made a big show about it. It was gross, disgusting even. He hated it, and when she noticed he wasn't all that into it, she kept trying to get him into it, in ways he absolutely hated. He hated the feeling of her hands on his body, he hated her nails scratching across his bare skin, he hated the feeling of this girl that he didn't know doing things he could only dream of doing with the girl he had been in love with for years now. She eventually got what she wanted and stopped, giving up almost. She kind of plopped down on top of him, but really next to him, cause it was kind of difficult to be laying down next to one another when you're sitting on one of those tiny ass beach chairs. Her body was pressed against his, her fingers tracing the outline of his skin, her dark hair, that he now saw was very poorly dyed, was sticking to his skin with sweat. "That girl wasn't your girlfriend?" She asked, breaking the silence that one may call painful but he found it blissful.

"Oh um, Cierra?" He answered, as if she knew who Cierra was. He instantly hit himself for it, but at least it was a way to postpone that painful, 'No, she isn't my girlfriend.'

"I don't know, that really pretty girl with the blonde hair and those gross marks on her skin." She shuttered at the part when she mentioned the marks on her skin. He wanted to slap this girl, of course he wouldn't because hitting girls is completely wrong on just about a thousand different levels. He felt all of it boiling over, and he wanted to scream at the very top of his lungs.

"Ugly marks? Did you actually just call her scars ugly fucking marks." He pushed the girl off of him, barely even able to look at her. She stumbled a little bit, gaining her balance so she didn't fall completely off of the chair.

"Hey, what the hell!" She basically shouted, covering up her chest since it wasn't covered by anything. Funny how she suddenly cared if he saw her naked once he was angry with her. Her hair was gross, the black dye looked as if it was about to be sweat off and it almost looked as if it was a cheap wig. She clumsily tried to pull her one piece swimsuit up trying to cover up her body.

"People like you are the reason she fucking has those marks. Bitches like you that look like you and... and fuck random guys at the beach just because they looked at you." He looked at her and sighed, he saw her as a mistake he had made. He hated the fact he saw a human being as a mistake, but he also hated himself more for making the mistake in the first place. He started to grab his clothes, pulling them on as fast as he possibly could. "And I was stupid enough to be oneof those guys." He turned away and trudged through the curtain. It had been a little bit longer than he had thought, a lot of the families were packing up and leaving, and the sun was starting to set into the horizon. Veronica's friends were still sitting in the spot they were before, and when they saw Connor walking, they started whooping and hollering, one of them even whistling.

"Damn, she sure was loud the hell did you do to her!" One of them called, he couldn't tell which one. He quickly shot them a glare.

"Shut the fuck up why don't ya?" He growled, which earned him a couple of scoffs and a laugh. He didn't care in the slightest. He instantly saw Cierra, her attention turned to him. A smile was on her face, and a little bit of humor in her eyes. She had changed out of her tank top and into a swimsuit top, he didn't remember her having. It was one of the ones you would see girls on tumblr wearing. It was actually in the print of Vincent Van Gogh's starry night. He would usually stop and admire her body, or her face, or her existence but he really didn't have time. He knew exactly what he wanted to do.

"Hey, stud what'd you do to her in there." He kept making long strides towards her as she stood up from her beach towel. He didn't falter a single step. "Connor, what the hell respo-" He cut her off, he grabbed her waist, pulled her in so quickly and connected their lips. Her hands didn't touch him, and she didn't kiss back. Well, not at first anyways. For a second there, he swore she was kissing him back. It was so incredible. It wasn't what you would see in the movies, and most people would see this and think it was insanely awkward. They would feel bad for him, but hell he was the happiest he had been. He was kissing the love of his life, and even if she wasn't kissing back he was pretty damn happy.

But the happy only lasted for about ten seconds, because her hands did touch him. Her hands pushed on his chest, causing their lips to instantly disconnect. They stood there for a few moments, just staring at one another, feeling the world fall into shambles around him. He couldn't tell what she was feeling, but the vibe sure felt like disgust. She looked like she was about to cry. He heard the laughs and mocks of Veronica's friends next to him, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He also couldn't bring himself to care about how long they were looking at one another. This very well may be the last time he ever looked at Cierra. He wasn't sure if he regretted kissing her. Maybe he should have waited a month, maybe he should have done it sooner. So many things were racing in his mind, he almost didn't notice that she turned away. She scooped up her bag and started walking away. He didn't pay much attention in what direction, but he was certain she was walking towards her jeep.

Connor was standing there, looking out at the ocean, looking at the sunset, and he tried to force himsel to think about how beautiful the sunset was going over the water, and not the fact that the idea of that being the last time he saw Cierra was creeping closer to a reality.

author's note// whilst writing this chapter, my dad asked me what i was doing and i told him writing a book and he asked to read it and i said nah it has cursing and sexual references n stuff and he was like "emily stop all that cursing it doesn't make you look cool" well guess what tim fuck that (lol i love u dad)