step into the sun || c.m

chapter eleven

Connor stayed in bed all day Sunday. Apparently, the whole church family thing didn't work out because by noon his whole family was back in the house, already done with the whole aspect. Zoe and his father didn't seem to care or notice Connor hadn't left his room, maybe they thought that he wasn't home. He usually wouldn't be, but he had fallen into this sadness, that was already there, but it felt much more prominent.

"Connor, are you okay love?" He heard his mother ask from the door. He flopped around in his bed, eventually turning to face his mother. She shook his head. She gave a deep sigh, contemplation what exactly she should do for her broken down son. "If you need anything I'm just downstairs." She started to walk away, and his heart started to hurt even more.

"Mom, wait." She stopped dead in her tracks, her heart stopping at him calling her mom. She turned around and faced him, a sad smile on her face. "Can you sit with me for just a minute?" He whispered. He was almost ashamed of himself, seventeen years old and asking his mother to sit with him and make him feel better. It was stupid, really. He hadn't even done that when he was a child.

"Yes, of course." She gave him a warm smile, taking small steps into his room and sitting down next to him on the bed, wrapping her arm around him as he pulled himself closer to his mother. The sad thing was, it felt weird, when it shouldn't. It was his mother, it shouldn't feel strained. But being so distant for so incredibly long, it pushes people apart and sometimes it doesn't just fall back into place. "What's wrong?" She asked, rubbing his arm. He didn't want to tell her about Cierra. He didn't want to tell her he was in love with someone who didn't love him back. He didn't want to tell her he couldn't even stand to be around her right now, knowing eventually he will have to force himself to not miss her. He didn't want to tell her the one thing in the world that made him somewhat close to happy would soon be so far out of reach.

"I don't know." Is all he could manage to squeak out as he pushed away the awkwardness and wrapped hims arms around his mother. He knew this most certainly won't be a normal thing, and he was almost certain that this probably won't ever happen again. His mom had the same feeling that this was a one time thing, so she savored every moment that he didn't ask her to leave, and so did he. She also had a feeling that he wasn't telling the truth.

"Are you sure?" She asked, making sure she wasn't pushing, worried he would go off on her.

"Yeah." He lied, not saying anything else for a whole. Neither did she. They just sat there, and it was nice, he wasn't going to lie. He liked having someone who loved him unconditionally, someone who would be there for him at the drop of the hat even though he had treated her so poorly. But eventually, he wanted to be alone again. "I'm going to take a nap." He pulled away some, and she smiled, patting him on the back, not offended at Connor rather politely asking her to leave.

"I'll just be downstairs if you need me." And just like that he was alone again. He stayed in that bed for what felt like forever. He stayed in there all through Sunday, and when the sun came up indicating that it was Monday, he didn't get up. His mother didn't try to get him to go to school, probably assuming he needed a day off. So he just lied there, his phone ringing once or twice every hour or so, almost certainly from Cierra. He didn't bother answering, he just didn't want to. He wasn't mad at her, he just wanted to be left alone. Maybe tomorrow he would call back tomorrow...

But he didn't get the chance to wait until tomorrow.

"Connor why the fuck haven't you been answering my calls?" He felt the left side of his bed sink when she sat down. He didn't turn his body to face her, he didn't want to see her right now.

"I didn't hear you come in." He might have, actually, he just wasn't really listening or he was too lost in his thoughts.

"Your mom let me in. Don't worry, I told her I was your lab partner who needed your half of a project." She made sure to add, knowing he'd only get angry if she implied that she and Connor were friends to his mother. That always slightly upset her, but she never said too much about it. "Connor, just answer my fucking question?" She was angry, he could tell. She hadn't really gotten mad at him before. She had gotten irritated with him or frustrated, but she seemed actually angry with him.

"I wasn't feeling too well." He lied to her.

"Bullshit." She was right. It was bullshit. And he wasn't ready to tell her the truth, so he decided to come up with a more believable lie. He sat up, straightened his back, and looked at her. Her face had the normal makeup on it, but she was wearing a tank top and he could see the edges of his painting on her back, only fading slightly. She looked beautiful. But hey, she always did. I should probably stop taking note of that....

"I'm sorry... I just... I just needed a day or two alone. I'm sorry I should have told you. I'm just feeling kind of... Empty lately so I decided that I needed some time." It sounded real enough. Maybe she would buy it.

"Just tell me next time, maybe we can talk it out or something. I don't know you just made me feel like I had done something wrong." She crossed her arms and looked away fro, him. "You are kinda important to me Connor. Don't fuck with me that way." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in closer to him.

"Did you bring your camera?" He asked, trying to change the subject. She looked up at him and gave him that toothless grin. She nodded, leaning over the side of his bed to grab it from her bag.

"Why?" She whispered, looking down at the camera. He took it from her hands and set it up to take a photo.

"We are going to take a picture together." He told her, pulling her close to him, one hand holding onto her waist. She wrapped one arm around his shoulder. "You press the button and I'll hold it up." He planned, and she leaned forward and placed her finger on the button.

"One... Two... Three." She clicked the button, both of them spreading a thin smile on their faces as the flash went off. The photo printed and Connor pulled it out, waiting for it to form.

"I went to school today, it sucked. I hate everyone there especially-" She started and they finished together saying:

"Alana Beck." In unison, which caused them to break into a small fit of laughter.

"I hate her." Cierra laughed, taking the photo from Connor's hands shaking it just a little bit.

"Me too." He took the photo right back, seeing it was just about developed. He looked at how close he was to her and how happy this photo made him... And how happy they both looked.

author's note// happy easter bitches i still wanna die and i still want a boyfriend that isn't a complete douchebag/joke/fucktard also this book is going to shit