Eddsworld Oneshots & memes!

NO SHIPPPPP

(Takes place in the future after wtfuture)

Edd was shoved onto his knees. Looking up, he saw Red Leader. He was chuckling his sadistic evil bastard chuckle.

"How east it was to find you Edd. Cola outlawed? Stupid fake excuse to kill yourself. We all know you just wanted to end it before it began."

Edd growled. A low angry guttural sound that made him seem like a fucking bear.

"You are a bastard!"

"Correction, bastards are the sons of the unfaithful. My parents were perfectly normal."

"You tortured my friends into insanity and then corrupted them with your communistic ways!"

"True."

"YOU ARE A BASTARD!"

"Oh shut up!"

Tord kneed him in the face. Instead of blood oozing out of his features, it was a green goop.

"How peculiar."

Edd spat out a tooth.

"Fuck you! You evil son of a bitch!"

"My mother was no female dog, Edward."

"Fucking die! DIE! DIE!"

Edd's bonds melted into a goop on the ground. His eyes were a pure shade of neon green and were as bright as a street lamp.
He stood up and punched Tord so hard in the face that he literally flew to to other side of the room. Edd flew over himself, continuing to beat the living shit out of the communist leader.

"Edd!"

Edd turned around to see Matt, fully dressed in red army attire, holding a gun at him. Edd laughed.

"Shoot me Mathew! SHOOT ME!"

*click*

"Mathew. You were a good friend in the old days. So was Thomas. Tell him I said hi."

*boom*

'Hey how you doin?'

'I want to die.'

'I'll fuck you until you die ;)'

'I have a gf.'

'Threesome?'

'I'm lesbian.'

'Threesome?'

'Kill me.'