Jokes, Puns and Sayings

Best Jokes

Son: Dad I just got a girlfriend.
Dad: Good work son.
Sister: Daddy I just got a boyfriend
Dad: *Load's Shotgun*.
kickass if you know what I mean.

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Like if you haven't seen an Original Joke here for the longest time and all you see is shitheads copying and pasting others jokes

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If this gets 100 likes , I will ask my crush out .

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978,000 people quit smoking every year... By dying.

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My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what... She couldn't do either.

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Whenever you vote twice on a joke it always says, " You already voted BRO." I don't get that because what if a girl is looking at these jokes

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Can a woman make you a Millionaire???
Yes, if your a Billionaire.

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I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

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When I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come in equality. And then I wait for the next bus.

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What do you do when an idiot throws a grenade at you?
Answer:Pull the pin and throw it back

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Diet Day #1- I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

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if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diahrea does that mean one dude enjoys it

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Singer: I'd like to dedicate this next song to my friend, who got run over last week and is now in the hospital. ? The Wheels on the bus go round and round! ?

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Talent show judge: When you said you were going to saw that girl in half..... I thought you were a magician

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If you're with me when I die, remember 2 things: 1) Destroy my phone 2) Make DAMN SURE my phones destroyed

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Groom: People ask me why I left a bachelor to be with this girl. Well, look at her. She's wealthy and dying

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Guy: That's a not a photocopier that's a shredder. And what have you done to your ass?