Jokes, Puns and Sayings

Funny Relatable Stories/Posts

1

Silent room stomach growls. You know how your stomach is. It always waits until the quiet part of the movie, the silence at the table or any moment of stillness to let its rumbling roar be heard at an opportune time.

2
Being scared by ninja runners. When you’re on a peaceful jog and the music blaring through your headphones sucks you into your own little world, you completely forget about your surroundings. So when a ninja runner sneaks up on you and you catch a glimpse of them in your peripherals at the very last second, our natural reaction is to jump in fear – maybe even strike a karate-esque pose. We’ll feel humiliated when we discover that we’re not actually being attacked, and the alleged killer continues running past us. However it is a relief to know that our reaction speed isn’t too shabby.

3

“I ate something that must have been unholy and evil. I began questioning it’s sanctity as I was walking my dog. About a mile in, I start getting cramps. Uh oh. Heeding the signs of impending doom, I turn around with the quickness.
G

et within 100 yards of the house, and I am contemplating running between a couple of houses and just letting go. With the pressure I feel in my lower abdomen that it will be a very quick affair. Sunday morning. 10 am. Nope.
50 yards away, huge cramp and an urgent need to purge. I freeze in fear. I rethink the side yard decision. My cold sweat passes. Barely decide to carry on. Get in my own front yard and my anus gives up. In a last ditch effort, I squeeze my cheeks together in the tightest clench I possibly can. OMG. It works.

I walk to my door. The only way I can describe it is that I look like I have the biggest stick up my butt. My knees are locked as I walk. My back is super straight. My dog is wtfing.
I

make it into the house and into the bathroom. Pull down the pants. Sigh in relief that I’ve made it… except that I realize that my cheek squeezing action is literally what is keeping it inside. I start to the squat descent, and feel leakage. I stand up quickly and reclench. Shit.
Due to how I am forced to stand, and the pressure of my stomach cramps, I know that I am going to have a poop eruption. I mentally prepare myself for the quick actions I have to perform to hit my target, how to properly aim, etc. I run through it about 4 times in my head and decide to go for it.
Poop everywhere. I sprayed the seat and the wall and left a rudimentary silhouette of the toilet on the wall.
Thankfully it was in private and I cleaned it up without any of my friends or SO finding out.”

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