Just Me

Chapter24

Eve

"Xander, please stop. Just stop. Please. Kung sawa ka na sa buhay mo. Para sakin man lang - o para kay Alex. Please tama na".

I said, crying desperately. Begging him to stop torturing himself.

"You know I can't. Even if I want to. I can't stop myself. It fucking hurts Eve." he said with a dry mouth and two dark circles under his eyes.

"Why are you doing this? Does it make you feel any better slashing your self like that?!" I said almost shouting.

"No. Actually it doesn't. But it somehow makes me feel something. These cuts make me feel something! Feeling this pain is so much better than not feeling anything at all. It's so much better that I'm being addicted to it" he said lifelessly. Like a whisper as if he's talking to himself instead of me.

"Then what about me?! I love you! Can't you feel that?! Your family! How about them?! Are we just nothing to you?! Is Daniel and Alex all that matters?! You know what?! This is bullshit! Nakaka-gago ka na Xander. Alam mo yun?" I said. But he just looked at me blankly. As if I'm not even there.

Frustrated, I let myself collapse on the floor. I've been trying to focus all my strength on my legs so I can remain standing, as if by hovering like that at him will make any difference.

But no matter what I do, he won't come back. Once he became like that, it's hard to pull him out of his world. He's already trapped. He's so absorbed in his own thoughts that nothing else exist except him and his pain and his memories.

"Suko na ko Xander" I said to myself.

This has to stop. I have to bring this to an end no matter what.

I love you Xander and I won't let you destroy yourself like that, even if it means destroying someone else.

Alex

"Uy, ba't ang tahimik mo?" Marie said then sit beside me.

"Wala. Tinatamad lang ako magsalita" I said truthfully.

"Ano ka ba naman pati pagsasalita kinatamaran mo haha" sabi nya sabay tawa. Maybe she noticed na wala talaga ako sa mood magsalita kaya nakinood na lang din sya sa mga naghaharutan sa harap namin.

Nandito ko sa labas para magpahangin at para makapag-isip na rin.

When Prince and the others followed us inside I had no choice but to introduce Tweety bird to them since she woke up due to the noise they're making as we enter the house.

Tweety bird is Monique's younger sister. She just turned 1 year old 2 months ago. I gave her that nickname because she likes to pout a lot. As in a lot which is cute.

And now, we can't separate Prince from them. They look vibrant. Nakakahawa yung happiness nila that I also feel kind of happy just by watching them play in the sand.

Masarap sana magbakasyon ng ganito kung hindi lang nangyari yung mga nangyari.

Right now, at this moment, I can choose to forget everything that happened.

I can act like Xander never exist. That I never met him. I can choose to be happy with my new friends and family and refuse to feel pain.

I can burry everything in the past. Letting all the memories flash in a blur.

Pero ayokong lokohin ang sarili ko.

Sooner or later it will catch up on me, on us.

This mess, whether I choose to put it aside or pointlessly cover it up will remain a mess unless I clean it up myself.

--

We just had dinner when Rimmo had an idea.

The night sky is perfect for a bonfire and stargazing.

" The sun goes down...

The stars come out" Jem started singing slowly...

"And all that counts

Is here and now

My universe will never be the same

I'm glad you came" and just like that the group sang along with him.

"Wait, jamming tayo gusto nyo? Alex dala mo ba si Alice?" Biglang tanong ni Lance kaya natigil yung iba sa pagkanta.

"Umm. Oo. Andun sa kwarto. Wait kunin ko" sabi ko sabay tayo na.

"Wait sama ko. Hiramin ko sa kuya mo yung beatbox n'ya para mas masaya" Lance said while grinning.

Paano n'ya nakita ang beatbox ni Kuya? I had no idea.

We started walking towards the house, away from the group.

"Alex pwedeng magtanong?" Lance said out of the blue ng medyo makalayo na kami sa grupo.

"Ha? Bakit? Ano naman yun?" Takang tanong ko.

"Pag sinabi ko bang gusto kita anong gagawin mo?"

I stopped. Ano daw?

"Hoy Lance umayos ka nga" sabi ko.

"Seryoso nga ako, pag ba sinabi kong gusto kita lalayuan mo ako?" He said looking me directly in the eyes.

Mukang hindi s'ya nagbibiro. Shit.

I took a deep breath before answering him.

"Look Lance. Iba ang awa sa pagmamahal. Iba ang gusto sa mahal. Iba ang concern ka sa kaibigan at iba rin ang mahal mo kaya ka nasasaktan. I guess you are confused about your feelings towards me"

Hindi s'ya sumagot kaya nagpatuloy ako.

"Right now, I don't need a lover to fill in the gap inside my heart, if that's what you're thinking. What I need is a friend to stand beside me and help me pick up myself when I fall and can't stand anymore. Do you get my point?" dire-diretso kong sabi.

He let out a deep sigh then scratch the back of his head.

"Sorry. Mahalaga ka kasi sakin. Kaibigan kita. Ayokong nakikita kang nagkakaganyan. Pinagdaanan ko na yan. Alam kong kahit ngumingiti ka, hindi ka okay. Gusto kong damayan ka pero hindi ko alam kung paano. Alam ko ang feeling ng naiwan. Yung bigla-bigla na lang mawawala kung kelan marami kang gustong itanong at linawin sa kanila. Seeing you in a similar situation makes me feel protective. As a friend, I want to save you from as much pain  as possible".

I can feel the sincerity in his words.

I stare at him and smiled. I just want to take in this moment.

"Oh ba't ka ngumingiti? Ang haba ng sinabi ko ngingitian mo lang ako?" he said.

"Sorry na. Na-touch kasi ako" sabi ko nang nakangiti pa rin.

"Dapat lang ma-touch ka! San ka makakahanap ng gwapo na mabait pang tropa? Nag-iisa lang ako, swerte mo"

"Oh tara na. Humahangin na dito. Masyado nang tuamatagal ang lokohang ito kaya bilisan na natin" sabi ko sabay nauna nang maglakad sa kanya.

"Abnormal ka talaga! Dapat talaga di na ko nag-alala sayo e. Malaki ka na naman kaya mo na yun" pahabol pa n'ya.

"Ha?! Ano?! May sinasabi ka?! Choppy!" sigaw ko sa kanya pabalik.

"Sabi ko  kahit sa dilim ang pangit mo!".

(A/N: Thankyou for making it this far my awesome readers! Sweg! (LOL)

I just want to say that I'll be working on another story entitled "Gallery". You can check it out if you have time :)

That's all for now!

XoXo
MessySushi