Just Me

chapter6

" Pass your papers . No Erasures. No Superimpositions. "

" Huy Alex, pass na daw. "

" Hmmm? "

" Late papers will not be accepted! "

Hinablot na ni Lance yung papel ko tapos sya ng nagpasa. Grabe antok na antok na ko.

" Ano ba yan Alex, wala ka bang tulog? "

" Hindi Lance, sobra-sobra ko sa tulog. Hiyang-hiya naman yung eyebags ko sayo na kulang na lang ipakilo mo... "

Napailing na lang sya sa sarcastic kong sagot. Kasi naman, hindi pa ba obvious? Tapos nun pinasa na yung papel para i-check namin.

I didn't bother looking whose paper I'm checking basta nagcheck na lang ako.

Ang galing naman nito last 5 numbers na wala pa ring mali. Before passing it I checked kung kanino yun and I just can't believe what I saw. Totoo?!

" Mukang madali yata masyado ang exam ko. Mr. Ignacio got perfect and next to him is Ms. Villaflor who got 1 mistake dahil sa erasure at si Mr. Ignacio pa talaga ang nagcheck ng papel mo, ayaw nya sigurong magpatalo kaya hindi nya pinalusot ang erasure mo. Akalain mo nga naman. So if merong nakakakuha ng perfect score walang excuse ang mga bumagsak para sabihing mahirap ang exam. Study harder. Class dissmissed. "

" Wow Alex congrats. Sayang naman yung isang item mo dahil lang sa erasure namalian "

Hindi ko pinansin si Lance. Gusto ko man pasabugin si Xander ngayon wala na kong lakas so I just buried my face in my arms. Antok na talaga ko.

" Di ka ba kakain? "

I just shook my head.

" Wala kang gustong ipabili? "

Again, I shook my head.

After class, umuwi agad ako para makabawi ng tulog. Nagising ako ng bandang 8pm then open my fb account, pero syempre kumain muna ko.

Lance Xielan Iquéras:

Lance: Alex, Xander. Pasa nyo na sakin yung part nyo para malagay ko na sa ppt. natin.

Kate : Okay, anjan na.

Xander : Ako na lang magrereport

Alex: ano ka sinuswerte. di pwede. magsearch ka naman oy.

Xander: Lance, ano na

Lance: Sige lang tol. basta wag kang aabsent.

Xander: K

Ayos ah parang wala ako dito. Sila na lang nagkaintindihan. Tapos bigla na lang nagoff-chat.

Nakakabwisit talaga ang mga lalaki ang hirap basahin.

" You're up early "

Tanong ni kuya while stirring his coffee.

" Yeah, I couldn't sleep well "

" Want some? " sabay alok sakin ng kape.

" Sure "

After handling me my coffee he went upstairs to check for Cody and ate Yanny. Lumabas naman ako sa terrace para magpahangin. Its just 5am in the morning.

Hindi ako makatulog ng ayos because I couldn't get myself to dream. Usually after 5minutes na nakapikit nakakatulog na agad ako but last night was different. Hindi agad ako nakatulog and when I finally did, it was a dreamless sleep. What's that suppose to mean? or should I say does it mean anything at all?

Natigil lang ako sa pag-iisip ng naramdaman kong nag-vibrate ang phone ko. It was an unknown number.

From: 0927*******

Hey it's eve. Can we meet?

I wasn't sure what to do. Pwedeng wag akong mag-reply at mag-pretend na lang na natutulog pa kaya di ko nabasa yung message nya. But I have nothing better to do. I'm pretty bored as well so I just ask her where then took a quick shower. 

Nagpaalam ako kay kuya na lalabas lang saglit then I headed to the coffee shop where I found Eve waiting for me.

"Hey"

I could sense that something's wrong the moment I saw her face. Its pale and dull. It's very not like her. She looks like she's gone through a lot of stress.

" Want some coffee? "

" Nope. I'm good. So what is it? "

" Well. I know we're not that close yet but I don't have much friends to talk to. Kakalipat lang kasi namin sa university and madalas si Xander lang ang kasama ko "

I could feel the tension in her voice. I just motioned for her to continue. Maybe I don't have to talk, maybe I could just listen. Hindi nya na dapat malaman na kakalipat ko lang din. As if that would help para gumaan ang nararamdaman nya.

" Madalas kaming lumipat ng school kasi madalas mapaaway si Xander.Hindi naman sya ganun dati. He changed because of the incident that happen 3 years ago. His bestfriend died and his blaming himself for that. And I'm the reason why he's feeling that way..."

I feel a huge lump in my throat and suddenly I want to get out of here but I can't make my self move. I don't know where this is going but its very familiar to me. Xander's situation is very much the same as mine.

" After the burial he didn't get out of his room for almost 2 weeks and when he did ibang tao na sya. He went after the people responsible for Dee's death. He hunted each of them and make sure to make them pay. I didn't stop him kasi feeling ko wala akong karapatan. Hindi talaga kami. But I insisted na maging kami kahit hindi nya ko mahal so that I can be there for him all the way to support him. Bago kami lumipat he finished his task and deal with the last person in his list. Sabi nya, nabawi na nya ang kailangan nya. I thought things would change after that but recently I found out that the thing he retrieved has something to do with a girl. Akala ko ginagawa nya yun para lang sa bestfriend nya. Akala ko may pag-asa yung samin but no. Hindi lang pala para sa bestfriend nya kaya nya ginawa yun, it was also for the girl his bestfriend loved and he loves. Mahal nya rin yung babaeng mahal ng bestfriend nya pero nagpaubaya na lang sya knowing that he could make her happier more than he. Pero bago pa man yun mangyari his bestfriend died. "

I can't take it all in. Hindi ko maabsorb lahat. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pa ko pumunta dito. Ayokong marining lahat ng yun. My grief is too much for me, what more carrying another person's grief in your heart. I just can't take it.

I want to comfort her. Pero paano?

" Ahhh. So that's what happened.  I'm sorry but I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I'm not good at this"

Atleast I managed to say that.

" You don't have to say anything. Sapat ng pumunta ka. I just need someone to hear me out. It makes me feel much better "

Sabi nya saka ngumiti ng pilit. After that we stayed for a few minutes tsaka nagpaalam sa isa't isa.

Wala sa sarili akong umuwi. Parang tinakasan ako ng lahat ng lakas ko sa katawan after nun. I still can't make sense of any of it. But one thing is for sure. Pain could change a person. And all this time I'm not the only one who've changed.

There's this insane idea that keeps on knocking in my head that I couldn't ignore.

Luke Xander Ignacio... -LXI... Could it be that he is L???