Whispers Of Our Soul

Confession

I was fine. Perfectly fine.
Until you found her

She seems to beat me at everything
I can't help but compare myself to her

She is so much better than me
And what's worse is she doesn't have to try

I don't know what else to do
I am trying everything

There are so many different expectations out there
Everyone wants me to be something different

I shouldn't feed into them
But it's oh so hard

I used to think
My art was amazing

And then she drew me a picture
And wrote me a poem

Now my drawings and words
Seem pale in comparison

She has the money and she has the body
She is funny and she is gorgeous and she is kind

But the tragedy,
The worst part out of all of this

Is I know her
I happen to care for her

I can't hate her
It's very hard not too, but I'm trying

I think I need someone
Who will always think of me before anyone else

Someone who thinks of me as the best
Someone who doesn't think they deserve me

I guess I should ask you
Do you deserve me?

The answer will be all I need
To know if it was ever love

God it kills me
I can't help comparing myself to everyone

And I don't know how to stop
It's driving me up a wall

My mid can't take it
My heart is breaking under pressure

I hate all these people
They want me to be this and that

Wear certain things
Say things a certain way

But you want me to be like her
At least that's what I think

You want purple who talk like her
Draw and write like her

I am trying to balance both
But it's very hard

People say just be yourself
But you don't know me

I don't even know who I am
I used to think I did

I was perfectly comfortable in my skin
And then you met her

Now I question everything about me
There is no balance

I wish I could express to you through my words how much this fucking sucks because I can't stop comparing myself and tearing myself down.
It is the worst feeling in the world and you feel that if you don't believe in you then who else will and you think there is no one left to turn to.

I want to throw my head at a wall and scream until my throat is raw
I want to magically become the person I want to be, the girl you love and the one they accept all at the same time.

I don't know what to do anymore
I have no idea what to do

I feel like bursting into tears
I feel like punching a hole in a door

I feel like surrounding myself with a million people
I feel like sitting alone in the corner

I wan someone to hold me
But I also want to be away from everyone

I don't know what I want
Who I am
What to do

I just don't know
And life is going by so fast

I wish it would slow down
Because I can't run to keep up

I wish I would follow through
I tell myself these things

But they never get done
And every time something does get done

She comes along and does it twenty times better
And I just want to....I don't know

That's what scares me the most. I don't know what I will do if I don't stop comparing and analyzing

I want to stop overthinking and just chill
My mind is tired

I'm so stressed
So tired of working and going and going when I don't have the energy to do so

I can't handle anything anymore
Life got away from me again

I feel like life just keeps hitting me over and over again
And just when I have gathered all my shit into my arms and are about to stab back up, I get hit way harder and go flying again

It just won't stop
They keep coming and coming and coming

I want everything to stop!
And stand still so I can move away from all the destruction

I have a confession: I still love him and he loves her and I constantly compare myself to her. I am changing and fixing myself to be more like her and I can not stop. I want to stop but I can not. I am living two lives and they won't even out. One is going great, the other not so much. I wish my mind would pick just one.
Confession: I am not as fine as I seem
Confession: I feel like I am the only one who feels the way I do
Confession: life is getting away from me
Confession: I want somebody to talk to, I want to know I am not the only one

Please tell me I am not the only one

Confession: it's a little too much
Confession: my mind is shutting down
Confession: my Blurryface is coming
Confession: she will be the worst you have seen yet

Confession: I want someone to talk to. Someone who won't give a shit that I have fucked up. Someone who thinks I am great. Maybe that is selfish and maybe it's shallow but I don't care and that's what I want.

That matters sometimes right?
It matters what I want

No one else seems to think so