Whispers Of Our Soul

Stars and Pools

and i was forced to sort through

all the rubble from when you left me

i had to open up doors once closed

windows once locked

and let in a little sunlight

everything was exactly as we had left it

memories stacked in a corner 

glowing with the new found attention

i am sorry precious memoirs

i'm not here for you today

when you left a darkness settled

in all the cracks and crevices of my mind

but everything is still here

just the way it was back when

the ceiling painted with stars

to remind us of that trip

out on an island, stranded

the ocean and the night sky blurring together

but paint can never match the sparkle in your eyes

the bed sheets mimicking those summer pools

because back then we didn't know anything

we kissed without a worry and loved without a care

our innocence was preserved 

but colors can't bring back your touch

as i reach to touch the fading stars,

something catches 

and from the depths of my mind

a trigger has been pulled

tears escape my eyes

and as i lay on the dusty sheets

trying to hold on to your scent

something pulls

and from my memories something hits

my heart aches and screams all over again

i was forced to sort through all the rubble 

doors i had locked and windows i had nailed shut

they have been opened

this is what i was afraid of 

because here,

as i look upon all we had

my eyes scream and my heart cries

its not fair

that i am here, in regret and sorrow

because i think

i still love you

and i wish 

more than ever

we could go back to star lit

ocean nights on that island

could we turn back the clock to that day

after the summer pool

when you were riding away 

and i so stupidly bit my tongue?

because i didn't get to say what i wanted

i wanted to stop you and push my head to yours

i wanted to say we could make it work

i wanted to ask you if this was it

i wanted to tell you about stars and pools

but you wouldn't have understood

i wanted to know what you looked like

in midnight moonlight

i wanted to know what thoughts haunted you 

and which ones kept you sane

but you wouldn't have told me

when i let in the light i saw it

it wasn't you or me 

we were perfect 

it was these walls 

we tried to hold our love inside these walls

but it was so much bigger than that

we needed a whole world

to hold our love

stars and pools

just weren't good enough