At Least We Have Good Weather: A Life of Love and Loss

Chapter 5

Hot train girl #2.

That was how I referred to her every morning when I came in to the office. Weeks before I got THAT email from her, she was the reason I came into the office smiling.

When I started working at a new company in 2011, I no longer had a car, but my offices happened to be right next to the train station, which turned out to be a godsend.

I couldn't handle driving anymore. I had become so highly strung that the slightest irritation could have made me snap. And anyone who's ever driven on South African roads will tell you that they have sadly become a lawless Wild West adventure on wheels.

I deliberately pulled myself out of that in order to try and calm myself down. So taking the train was a stress-free, convenient and cheaper way of travelling to and from work.

The idea of public transport has always been somewhat romanticized in my eyes. I loved the notion of seeing a combination of new people every day, as well as those regulars who became everyday characters in your own little world.

Of course, it also opened a small (though bigger than usual) window of opportunities to meet someone new. Sitting in traffic every day is certainly not the best way of meeting girls, but now with public transport, there was renewed hope.

Right from the beginning there were a few girls who caught my eye. Being at the lowest point I'd ever been in terms of self-confidence, I could never go up and speak to them, so days and weeks of missed opportunities would go by in an instant.

One girl in particular had my attention the most. I called her Hot Train Girl #2 purely because she was the second girl I saw on the train.

She was a young Indian girl who kept to herself, never making much eye contact with anyone. I could tell she was probably the sort of girl who had guys, and more than likely mostly douchebags, come up to her and flirt mercilessly, of course I would be different (or so my head told me)

This little head game of mine made building up the courage to speak to her even harder. The thought of rejection was just more than I could handle, and I chickened out of striking up a conversation with her every single time. I was the real life George McFly (the Back To The Future part 1 version). Because I knew I was her destiny. If only she knew I existed.

For probably about 6 months, I saw her regularly. Of all the girls I saw on the train, she was the one who made my heart skip a beat when I saw her standing and waiting on the platform.

She wasn't just beautiful. She was intoxicating.

I never knew a single thing about her, other than that when we arrived at our destination she walked across the road opposite to where I went.

As 2012 approached, I had built up my confidence enough to believe this could be a good year. Then almost like clockwork, things began to go horribly wrong in my life from January.

I needed to do something brave, something that would give me hope for the year ahead. There is nothing that brings equal amounts of bravery and disappointment more than Valentine's Day. And I thought to myself, this would be the one day I could make a move and do something to make her notice me.

Now, I am an absolutely amazing gift giver. Not just romantic gifts, but birthdays, Christmas and the occasional "Happy Thursday" gift. The secret to great gift giving is patience and listening. If someone mentions in passing conversation something of a particular interest or favourite favourite, this information is immediately stored in my little brain for just the right time to use. I think this is the same motor function upstairs that notices when a woman colours/cuts her hair, or is wearing a new dress. It's a rather nifty skill to have...especially since I just can't seem to master the guitar.

I love gift-giving. It's probably one of my favorite things to do. Even if I am absolutely broke, I will find a way to make sure I get someone I care about a good gift. I actually get rather embarrassed when I end up giving said person a more thoughtful gift than their significant other, but its not because I've spent more, it's because I've thought about it more.

Valentine's is especially hard though, as there are such limitations in place. I would romance the pants off certain women if I was allowed to, but most often, I wind up not giving anything because I don't want to make them feel awkward or worse, make their boyfriend/husband/lesbian lover seem inadequate. (I'm sure their strengths lay in other facets of the relationship.)

When it comes to receiving gifts...well, that's a whole other kettle of fish. In fact, if I got a kettle of fish, I'd actually be quite chuffed.

Sure, it's supposedly better to give than to receive, but I'm not sure what quack came up with that saying. I'd really like to receive something in my life. Something heartfelt, something that shows someone is thinking about me and genuinely knows what I'm interested in. I haven't had that feeling in a very..,long,..time.

In fact, I haven't received a Valentine's Day gift in over 20 years. And that was my primary school girlfriend Gillian's Snoopy mug she gave me. I still own it to this day in fact. I always

In Primary School I used to come home with stacks of gifts, cards and chocolates every year, but I guess I peaked too soon or something.

People complain how commercial Valentine's is, and yeah, it probably has become about the business of selling, overpriced cheesy hearts, but never ever underestimate the effect these gifts will have on someone. As long as it comes from the right place and has meaning, you can never go wrong with a good piece of gift giving.

Obviously not knowing anything about Hot Train Girl #2, I couldn't go overboard, so I thought I'd play it cool and charming and give all the train girls a Valentine's Day limerick. Something, which was personalized and, showed I had noticed them.

When the day arrived, I had grown more and more excited about the prospect of this romantic gesture. I would surely be the morning train Casanova after this.

As luck would have it however, I didn't see her that day. Or the next day...

In fact, I only saw Hot Train Girl #2 a week later, which meant there was no possible way I could give her a Valentine's Day poem now. I had to rethink the note plan.

Thankfully, I still had some confidence left in me, and when I did see her that next time, I bravely walked up to her, struck up an awkward conversation, then gave her a hand written note that simply said "have a nice day"...

(For the record, I did give Hot Train Girl #1, another pretty girl, a Valentine's Day limerick, but I never saw her again after that day - although I often wondered how different things might have turned out if I did.)

Fate's game with me had only just begun.