At Least We Have Good Weather: A Life of Love and Loss

Chapter 16

As the end of 2004 approached, I felt heartbroken that it was going to be yet another year I ended up alone. One of my own silly little goals I set for myself each year was to have someone in my life to kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve. Almost like it will break the curse that surrounds my life. But at this point, at the age of 26, I was unemployed, taking care of my mom and lonelier that I had ever been.

That New Year's Kiss goal is still something I carry with me every year, and thinking back, the only time I actually came close to achieving this was in 2001.

It seems a lot of my older stories somehow go back to the days of the online chat application, ICQ, and that's exactly how I met Bridgitte. In those days it was easy to just search for a female, aged 18-25, and strike up a conversation without any hidden agenda. It wasn't as weird and creepy as it is today.

I was lucky enough to meet some pretty awesome people back then, some of whom I still keep in touch with, and some, such as this Queen B (her online nickname), have seemingly, and inexplicably, erased me from their existence.

She was based in Durban initially, and we had chatted for ages before we finally met up. Bridgitte was the kind of girl who was as honest with her opinion on things as I was; I think that's probably what stoked our friendship.

Things got even better when she got a job up in Johannesburg and decided to move up here, I couldn't wait to see her in person for the first time.

I had also accidentally become friends with her sister, Celeste, and seemingly chatted to her more often. Not deliberately, but it just happened.

Finally our schedules aligned and we decided to go to a movie together, you know, to ease into things. That was perfect for me as I'm at my best when I have subject matter I happen to be an expert on. The movie was Vin Diesel's macho epic, xXx.

As over the top as it was, we both had a nice time and decided to try and find a place to enjoy a coffee afterwards. Now, as this was in Johannesburg on a workday, there were no places open for coffee after 8pm, other than a Petrol Station... for which I was willing to settle.

She insisted we get some decent coffee and suggested I rather come back to her place.

This was a brave move on her part, considering this was the first time we had actually met in person, but again, this was a different time. I was excited and nervous, but tried not to expect anything more than good company.

We enjoyed said cup of coffee, and retreated to the couch where we put on the TV, and comfortably settled in snuggling next to each other.

The night was filled with playful teasing, childlike silliness really, as we "wrestled" over her hairclip or the remote control...which was all a prelude to her comfortably laying against me on the couch. I began to massage her back and everything felt so natural. There was no pressure of expectation.

We watched two movies on TV that night; in fact it was a Jim Belushi double feature - Made Men and Retroactive. Of course, I now own those movies and will only watch them back to back, never at separate times.

I didn't have the balls to try kiss her or make any sort of move, (well, I did have the balls, but they had seemingly gone into hiding that night), and about 3am she probably realized I wasn't going to do it either, and suggested we call it a night, which I begrudgingly did.

I was worried that I'd blown it, but luckily a few weeks later, on 31 December 2001 she invited me around to enjoy a New Year's Eve braai with her and her sister who was up from Durban.

We enjoyed some afternoon swimming (I have such a weakness for water and hot girls), and the afternoon soon became evening. I did the old "oh I better get going" speech, but never really made a move out the door. Maybe out of guilt, or just good manners, they invited me to come out with them to celebrate NYE, which I had little hesitation in accepting as I would get to spend time with her, and hey, there was finally a chance of a New Year's midnight Kiss! Maybe I would even get to kiss two hot sisters, that's the ultimate fantasy right?

I went with the two of them and her sister's friend to a series of clubs. Each club we seemed to meet up with more and more of their friends, who were nice enough I guess. As midnight struck at a club in town, we all hugged and kissed each other, of course I got kisses on the cheek...standard fare I guess. But my moment had slipped by in the blink of an eye.

As a group, they all decided to head to one friend's house, leaving me no choice but to tag along. They all smoked some hubbly in the lounge, as I stood awkwardly in the kitchen with a bunch people I didn't know, just nodding in agreement with conversation I wasn't really paying attention to. Instead I watched Bridgitte chatting with guy her friends outside, and her sister making out with some other guy on the balcony. These two beautiful sisters I was swimming with earlier in the day, were suddenly oblivious to my existence. There would be no kissing for me.

For the next few hours I stood there alone, thinking this wasn't exactly what I had in mind to ring in a new year. And not having a clue how I would get home since they were my ride.

The next days that passed, Bridgitte all but stopped responding to my messages. Till eventually she disappeared completely.

For years I tried contacting her to find out what happened and why she didn't respond to me. I even asked her sister, who was just as surprised as I was that she was ignoring me. Eventually I found out she moved to Dubai for work and occasionally visited her sister.

A few years later, I found her on Facebook, and sent her a message, which she ignored and then promptly blocked me. It kills me that she never gave me a reason.

Then one day in 2010 , I was making my way through Cape Town airport and as I was rushing to catch my flight, I saw her and her family sitting by the check-in counter...and as if in slow motion, I watched her laughing and joking with them, and thought I couldn't possibly approach her. I just carried on walking past her.

I often wonder what went wrong 10 years ago that made her not want to even be my friend anymore.

Now it was January 2005, and I was about to start from the bottom again. I accepted a job for which I was highly overqualified and had zero interest in doing, but so began my second stint working in the IT industry, as I was once again a call centre agent, this time working for my boss, (and friend) Justin who had been my equal just five years ago.