At Least We Have Good Weather: A Life of Love and Loss

Chapter 34

I had a recurring joke I liked to make every so often. A comment so uncomfortably honest it made people question whether it was actually just me being awkwardly funny or deadly serious.

"I'm thinking about taking on a lover".

The more reserved of my friends tend to take it humorously, and respond with a joke of their own, knowing that nobody would openly state they are looking for THAT. Then there are those who think it is a cry for attention.

But why is that considered taboo, or a shocking statement to make?

As a single adult who craves companionship and affection, surely I was entitled to a healthy responsible sex life just as much as anyone else.

There are dozens of questions that come about when discussing sex.

How honest is too honest when talking about it? What are the pros and cons of a single lonely man wishing for companionship and sex? Does sex ruin friendships if you want to have sex with a friend?

It's often and easily misconstrued as a "typical guy after just one thing", which makes me laugh a sad sort of laugh. My history, no matter how unbelievable, speaks for its self.

My sexual history has been spoken about before, yes, too much to some, but nonetheless, it in itself can almost be considered shocking. Most likely for the most opposite of reasons that you might think. With all the industries I've worked in, where drunken, random hookups are a dime a dozen, I was always the odd one out.

In 2009, I was fast approaching the milestone age of 30. And I was still a virgin. It wasn't so much that particular statistic that bothered me, but it was the loneliness of being unwanted for so long. I simply craved affection so much that it hurt as much physically as it did mentally.

I can't say much about my first time, because quite honestly, I never knew what to expect, or had anything to compare it against. It was something that sort of just happened as a result of a hybrid between opportunity and negotiation.

The willing partner was an old high school friend who was most likely stuck in a rut with where she was in her own life.

You see, she was married, with three kids, and unhappy. A dangerous mix when flirting, as we spent weeks negotiating the pros and cons of a hookup, and she was of the constant belief, that I couldn't possibly be a virgin; to her it was almost a challenge to catch me out that I was just using it as a line.

We decided to set up an afternoon meeting in my office to catch up over coffee; it had been well over 10 years since we last saw each other, and I guess we both just wanted to make sure the other was sexually desirable in person. With no disrespect to her, at this point in my life, even a broom wearing a dress and some lipstick would be attractive to me if they were interested.

Following that initial meeting, we ironed out the details for a second, more intimate liaison. Our schedules and lifestyles didn't offer much in the sense of opportunity (or more importantly location), and we finally decided it would have to be my office again.

Now, if you've ever had fantasies about office sex, it really isn't as grandiose as you may think. She arrived at lunchtime one day, and we grabbed a cup of coffee before heading to my office for a "meeting". I then locked the door and proceeded to turn on the charm, taking the coffee from her hand, placing it on the desk, and then awkwardly placing my hands on her face as I kissed her.

As the cliché goes, one thing led to another and soon we were both naked. You know how it goes during afternoon meetings. She was an attractive blonde girl, but again, nowhere near my type, and I just kept trying to convince myself to just enjoy this moment, even though I knew in my heart of hearts she just wasn't the one, nor did she promise anything beyond this moment. But then, what exactly was the one? I had tried that for many, many, many years and was alone.