At Least We Have Good Weather: A Life of Love and Loss

Chapter 42

Time is a funny old thing. A lot can happen in six months, and at the same time, nothing at all can happen in six months.

In this case, six months ago, I quit my job for a variety of reasons. I felt I had been lied to, the salary just wasn't enough, the people were beginning to drive me crazy, I wanted to focus more on my writing, and perhaps most importantly, I felt there was something "better" out there for me. But perhaps I simply just quit because it was no longer adding value to my life and I just needed a break.

This drew the ire of a lot of people. I heard a lot of similar questions/statements.

- Have you got something else?

- Don't quit till you have another job waiting!

- What about your mother, how are you going to take care of her?

- Stick it out, it's not easy to find a job.

- How can you make money out of writing?

I didn't have good enough answers for any of these. All I knew was I needed change.

The money I got paid out should have been enough for six months max; that gave me enough time to take a break, refocus and then move on.

Unfortunately, I didn't get paid out what I thought I would, thanks to that old taxman, so the pressure was immediately on, and the stress was taking its toll.

After all, I had real world problems to deal with: I had a mother, her house, groceries and monthly expenses to take care of.

The first thing to suffer was my writing. However, I realized I would never have the luxury of solely being able to do what I love. I don't live my life for just me. That's the sad truth. If I did, I would have been writing a long time ago. In order for me to write, I need to be where I am motivated, and that's not in my house, not in my country. That was a situation I couldn't change right now.

My mom, by nature is a very negative person, and sees no bright side to any situation. The world she lives in is doom and gloom, and there is no chance of anyone making it in the world. Life was unkind to her, so I understand. The problem was, I didn't want to be like this. I wanted to try, believing I could achieve the impossible. This is just one of the ways we are completely opposite. I had such big dreams and ambitions, which she believed will be my downfall.

This is hard for a child, no matter what age, to deal with. As the support of a parent is ultimately the only support you ever want. So this whole journey for me was always a path I've walked alone.

As I began job hunting I thought to myself, "Wow, there are tons of jobs out there"- and there were!

What I didn't count on was people just not coming back to me.

I applied for no less than 63 jobs. Overall, I had 5 people come back to me for an interview. Those are shocking stats. And even worse odds. This was a real reality check, because I have a pretty awesome CV, but the nature of the beast is that people just don't respond.

A lot of people did the clichéd "send me your CV, I'll forward it on and see what I can do", this, whilst meant in kind and caring way, was the most fruitless of all things; because it was just the thing people say to seem supportive. I've also said that to people in the past, so I know how it works.

I had people telling me what jobs to apply for, even though they had no clue what I'd actually been doing for the last 7 years. For some reason, people still thought I was interested in computers.