At Least We Have Good Weather: A Life of Love and Loss

Chapter 23

My thoughts on religion, faith, God and people in general is often something that starts many a tense argument, mainly from people who haven't a clue as what I've gone through in my life to make me feel the way I do.

My difference of opinion has come in the way of many girls I have liked for various reasons. I've liked girls of different religions and races, and encountered many awkward scenarios where our difference in how we view the world and certain topics, made things uncomfortable.

Now might be the right time to offer my thoughts on a few such topics.

God.
As a kid, my brother and I went to Sunday school, and church. Admittedly it was begrudgingly so, I mean, what kid wants to go to school on a Sunday after they've spent their entire week in the learnatory.

We learned all about the Lord and being good people. We sang the songs, listened to the readings, and had the church fetes - which I actually did enjoy mainly because I won the Church darts tournament as a pre- teen. We did the whole nine yards.

Then of course, coming home we dealt with the reality of parents fighting. My dad getting drunk, beating my mom and in return my mom taking it out on my brother and I.

Till the next week, when we got to fake it all over again by singing songs and clapping hands.

Of course, while I was aware that this life at home was all bad and wrong; it became the norm, because this was the reality of life.

Then, as you now know, my dad died when I was 11, and of course my brother killed himself a year later.

So going to church for learning/celebrating was replaced by going to church to say goodbye to half my family through funerals and eulogies - this lead to my first realization that the whole "God is good" school of thinking was not exactly accurate.

Throughout our grieving period we were constantly visited by church patrons who tried to help us get closer to God...because he was "testing us" and "had a plan", and blah blah blah. Sure, good in theory. But in reality my world was destroyed...twice in one year in fact.

I've read the entire Bible from beginning to end. Out loud. And it never made me feel better once.

Life was a rude awakening for me, an 11year old.

My relationship with God became immediately strained. I shouted at Him, I wept, I asked for forgiveness and to stop punishing me (for what I don't know), and promised to be a better person. I would live my life as a good person.

What proceeded was more heartache, more tragedy, more death and more suffering.

Fast forward some 20 something years later.

I'm know the difference between what's wrong and what's aright because I'm a good person. I put others first. I treat everyone with respect. I don't judge people. I don't drink, smoke, swear etc, etc. I live my life more "Christian" than most Christians could ever hope for. I choose to do these things because it makes me a better person, not because it makes me better than anyone else.

However, I am not Christian by definition. I don't believe God is the be all and end all that believers try and make you believe.

And that brings me to...

Religion.
Growing up in a "white" school that was pretty much considered Christian, I never really experienced other lifestyles or cultures. Except for those darn "Jehova's Witness" kids all the parents would tell you to avoid.

As life progressed I began to make Jewish, Catholic, Muslim and even Atheist friends too...and you know what, they all have their own issues. A Jewish guy may love bacon, a Muslim girl may want to be a pop culture, rock music loving sex symbol, but neither should be judged because of that.

The stereotypes about each saddened me, as they were nothing like the people I knew. One religion judged another and without really understanding the other, and it always caused conflict. Of course this on a global scale is what has led to many wars (And many Academy Award wins for "serious" actors).

I no longer consider myself part of any religion (of course when asked what my religion is, I often joke about following Franconism...the belief that actor James Franco is our lord and saviour). I choose to believe in the human race, and the choice we each have to decide what is good and what is wrong. It seems like basic logic to me really. If you educate yourself to a point where you can understand something, you will also teach yourself to understand someone else has a right to believe something different.

And this is where my biggest problem with people comes in.

I believe everyone is entitled to his or her own belief. I truly do. It's not for me to say whether what you believe in is right or wrong.

However, when people start telling me (yes, some preach) WHAT I am supposed to believe in, or that I need to find God, or Jesus and those they are my salvation, I get irritated.

Of course, I politely decline the first time with respect to what they believe in, but the second time the gloves will come off. It's naïve to believe that everyone else must believe in YOUR beliefs.

The key word here is respect. And sadly, a lot of people don't respect that someone else may feel differently, and more importantly, that it's OK to feel differently. However that being said, if I am in a country that is of a strict belief other to my own, or the household of someone with strict beliefs, I will follow their rules out of respect.

When something goes wrong in my life, if someone tells me they will pray to God that things turn out ok, then all the best to them and I thank them for the gesture. But when they start telling me I need to pray to God for things to come right, I take issue with it, and I will challenge them to the nth degree.

If I wish to pray to the God of the Oceans, Poseidon, I will. It's not about what religion is right, but rather what brings me Faith.

Faith.

See, now faith I have no problem with, because everyone needs something to believe in. The power of faith is an amazing thing. If I achieve the impossible, it's not because it's "God's plan", it's because I believed that it was meant to be and I chased after it with all my passion and desire. I may choose God to be the conduit of my faith, and sometimes I do, but it's not a given. Heck, I could choose to have faith in Kim Kardashian and thank her for helping me achieve my dreams and people should not be allowed to judge that, but it just doesn't work that way.

It's a personal choice at the end of the day. There is no right or wrong religion or faith.

Will only the Christians go to heaven because we all lived a life in sin?

Have I suffered a lifetime of loss and pain even though I've lived my life as a good person because of God's plan? How then can you tell me God is good? I believe the universe has some sort of design and destiny for all of us, but only to the point where it brings us to a point of making a choice, and we need to best prepared to make the right choice at that moment. If we don't make the right choice, we face the repercussions of that.

I was recently on a bulk mailing list where someone asked everyone on the list to pray for a loved one. Whilst the story was sad, and touching, the thread became ugly when a few of us asked to be taken off the replies. Insults were hurled, people became angry and offended; because it was assumed from the get go that everyone on that list was the God believing type. That's dangerous and ultimately narrow-minded.

It's that narrow-mindedness that is most prevalent. You watch your social network thread and every day you will see friends praising the Lord and all His glory. You don't delete them, you don't comment or reply, because you allow them that freedom. But if you post a message about your alternative faith or feelings or a religious quip about something negative about God or religion, they will judge you and jump down your throat. If God truly does exist, I'd like to think he would welcome freethinking and debate. He gave you the power of free thought, why would He damn you for using it?

What makes this world so amazing is that we are all different and free to make our own choices and practice our own beliefs.

What makes this world so sad, is that so few accept that.