At Least We Have Good Weather: A Life of Love and Loss

Chapter 28

If any one of my stories could fill up an entire book by itself, then my time with Lori would probably come the closest.

Lori and I had a history, long before we ever had a history.

Almost exactly a decade prior to finding each other on Facebook, Lori, a girl two years my junior, had dated my best friend in high school. She had also been part of the volleyball group I had coached during my post-matriculation year. We had always gotten along, and I had always found her attractive, but never attempted to explore anything with her.

Like many initial Facebook reunions, the first stats that are checked were: Did she get fat?

Did she get single?

She hadn't got fat, and in fact looked exactly the same as she did 10 years prior. As for her relationship status, she was single.

This immediately made it easier to begin chatting, as we could openly flirt without hiding anything. Lori did have one little piece of information to share with me though; she was also a single mother who had had a baby boy just over a year earlier.

It was never something that fazed me, not even in the slightest. The details behind the pregnancy seemed like it was a tough time in her life, but she came out of it a stronger person. She was always honest about that sort of thing with me, and made it clear the father was still very much a part of their lives, and wanted them to get back together, but it wasn't something she was going to do. It's the type of comment that you always say doesn't bug you, but in reality, it does play continuously in a loop in the back of your mind.

After a few weeks of getting re-acquainted with Lori, I finally began talking about us going out on a date. She was always hesitant, but never completely against the idea. Right from the start there was hope. And after so many hopeless experiences in the past, I felt as if this was something that I really wanted to put the time, patience and effort into.

As my job continued to offer up a bevy of parties, functions and launches, I knew I would have plenty of chances to invite her along. Plus, bringing her into something I was excelling at seemed like a great way to show her how well I was doing for myself.

Timing was everything, and finally I took the plunge and asked her to accompany me to an album launch of a popular local artist.

She organized with her mom to babysit, and she said yes. I was over the moon.

We had a wonderful, if slightly cautious, time together that night, and I enjoyed introducing her to my friends and colleagues who were at the function. Even the artist, whose show this was came up and introduced herself, asking if Lori was my girlfriend. I watched her reaction to this carefully, and for once, it didn't feel like a girl had a look of embarrassment on her face at the notion of this prospect. The evening ended with the common sentiment of "this was nice, we must do it again".

All too often, that sort of comment resulted in a girl slipping off the face of the earth after saying it, but it wasn't too long before Lori invited ME out.

This time, it was to join her and her colleagues for an evening of 10-pin bowling. It was simple, and safe, something we perhaps both needed. Her colleagues were nice enough, but I could see they were very protective over her, and this was clearly an evening of sussing me out.

I was quiet and reserved, as I am normally rather shy around new people, but I always felt as if I came across as a good guy to them. As we left the bowling, Lori invited me to join the group for dinner. I accepted, eager to spend more time with her. As we walked to the restaurant, she reached for my hand and held it. I went weak at the knees. For the first time, a girl had extended affection towards me. I think that was the exact moment I fell hopelessly in love with Lori.

Over the next few months, Lori and I went out to a number of events together. She made it clear that we were not dating, and that I was not allowed to kiss her, because she wasn't ready to fall in love, and if we kissed, she felt she would. It was a painful confusing time, but just being around her also made me the happiest guy in the world.

She had also told me about another guy with whom she was still in love, but he had moved on. Unlike my "heroics" with Vicki, I neither offered to get them back together, nor was I prepared to give up on her. I had learned my lesson in that regard at least.

We grew close really quickly, maybe ultimately too quickly, but I met her family, went to dinners with them, and even spent evenings feeling like part of her family. Her mom was very fond of me, and even continuously encouraged Lori to give me a chance.

Through all the non-date dates that we went on, Lori and I never did anything more than hold hands, or hug. But I never grew frustrated at this. I was prepared to wait as long as it took for us to progress. I felt she could be the love of my life, and I was also one to appreciate those small meaningful things in life that so many took for granted. I lived for the moments.

One night however, one small seed was about to change everything (no not that kind of seed).

I was invited to attend a local celebrity awards function in support of the girls from NKD, and for once, my plus one was a given, Lori was coming as my date.

As I had been doing for the last few weeks, I went to fetch Lori from her house. By now the security guards were becoming familiar with me, and often greeted me on a more personal level, something that would come into play later on.

For some strange reason, I could tell Lori wasn't herself as soon as she said hello that evening. On the drive to the function, she told me she had to come clean about something. My heart sank before I even had a clue of what she was about to tell me.

The news wasn't quite what I expected it to be, but it crushed me nonetheless.

She told me she had gone out with another guy the night before, and that they had kissed. She justified it by saying that because she didn't care about him; it didn't mean anything, and all she could think about the whole night with him was that I wasn't there, and that this guy didn't get her jokes like I did. If I didn't have confidence issues about never being a first choice, this certainly instilled that fear into my life.

It was a confusing conversation - hurtful, hopeful and horrible. The rest of the evening was uncomfortable, and she kept saying how I didn't deserve this, I "was only going to get hurt by wanting to be with someone like her". I should have listened to those prophetic words, but instead, I kicked into hero mode and decided not to give up on her, or rather us.

Things became even more awkward each time we went out, and there was an underlying tension I just couldn't break through.

The next event on our bizarre little social calendar was the long awaited movie premiere of a film in which I had a cameo. It was my big screen debut. The evening was tense, and even holding hands was different, she didn't seem to want to and I didn't want to let go. My group of celebrity friends all came and chatted to me, and asked if she was my girlfriend (clearly me with a girl in public was a rare, but celebratory occasion), this time however, she seemed a bit more panicked at the question than she had been on that very first night we went out.

The evening improved, however, when she screamed in excitement when I appeared on the big screen. I felt good, and she made me feel better.

The evening swiftly returned to awkwardness when she phoned her brother to fetch her because she was worried about her son. She said he hadn't been well, and didn't want to be out late, as the father of her child was at her house. I saw no harm in the excuse and knew she didn't want the awkwardness of him and I meeting under stressful circumstances. She departed, and I returned to celebrate the movie with my co-stars. But I knew I was losing Lori, long before I even had her. I needed to do something.

Lori's birthday was coming up, ironically on the same day I would celebrate my first year anniversary at the record label, and I had an idea so epic, it would either win her heart or send her running for the hills...