At Least We Have Good Weather: A Life of Love and Loss

Chapter 17

Being back in the call centre was different this time round. I didn't really bond with anyone and felt very alone. Even though I was good at the job, I had zero interest in doing it and therefore it irritated me.

There was one perk however in the form of a girl named Candice who was working in the building, to whom I was quite attracted. She came to visit our section quite often, but because of low self- confidence, I was never able to really be my charming self (and by now you should know what a huge success rate I have when I'm confident).

I remember one lunch-time sitting outside with the younger guys and they were talking about the girls in the office. One guy spoke about the girl I liked and began to list the problems with skinny girls, which mostly related to uncomfortable sexual positions. "What am I doing here with these idiots?" I thought to myself.

During this time, I had stayed in touch with some of my media contacts I had made during my Project Fame days, constantly reminding them to let me know if any jobs opened up in their industry. It was a dead-end street for months. Until finally, a few weeks after starting this IT job, I got the break I had been looking for.

A position with Heat magazine, SA's newest entertainment gossip magazine had opened up. They were looking for a news journalist. I wasn't qualified, but I had a recognizable name, enough to at least get me a job interview, and I knew I could write well. I scheduled the interview for late in the day so I could shoot through after my call centre shift ended and interview for it. The interview went OK, but for once my nerves and desperation probably got the better of me.

A few days later I got the call from Heat magazine -I didn't get the position I applied for. I was crushed...for a few seconds at least, because during the conversation I was offered another role - that of a TV writer for the magazine. DREAM JOB ALERT! I accepted without hesitation, and the only problem was they wanted me to start the very next day. Awkward was not the word. The job didn't pay great, but I didn't care. It wasn't about the money it was about the opportunity.

The next day I explained what had happened to my old friend and boss, and thanked him for what he did for me but explained this was what I had been working for my whole life. I knew he understood, but was disappointed that I had let him down after he went to bat for me. I resigned, however the company insisted that I work my 30 days notice first.

I had no choice if I wanted to accept the job at Heat, and being a 24-hour call centre I cleverly organized to work graveyard shift. So basically I worked graveyard shift at the call centre, raced home at about 7am, freshened up and went to my new job at Heat Magazine. Then put in a full day of learning the industry and how magazines and deadlines work, went home at 5pm, freshened up, and then went to my evening job at the call centre. It was madness.

On top of this, I was still hosting a TV show twice a week, which thankfully both jobs allowed me to do. (Of course neither job knew I was working for the other).

Part of my role at the magazine, was to cover industry events during the day and evening.

This crazy schedule, working graveyard shift, and my days being spent at Heat, meant I didn't get to see the cute girl I liked. However, I managed to get her number and we began texting each other.

After working my month's notice, and turning into a zombie, I finally wrapped up my second (and much shorter) run in the IT industry, swearing I would never return.

My focus was now on the industry I had pushed so hard to become a part of, and of course my latest love interest.

There seemed to be some sort of interest from her side, which gave me a bit of hope. So when an awards function came up through my awesome new job, (The Channel O African Music Awards), I thought this was the perfect opportunity to ask her out.

Much to my surprise (and absolute fear) she said yes.

The night of the awards arrived, and I went to go pick her up, ironically from the same building I was working just a few weeks prior to that. When I arrived at our meeting point, we ran into Justin who just laughed when he saw us together.

I drove her home first so that she could get ready for the evening (it was a bit of a glam do, so she wanted to put in the effort, which I really appreciated).

As I waited for her in the living room, I found myself surround by a rather large Indian family and an even larger awkward silence. I sat there in my long black jacket, looking as uncomfortable as it all sounded.

She eventually came out to rescue me, and she looked amazing in her heels and elegant black dress.

Thankfully, the conversation seemed to come easy, and we got to know each other quite a bit; she found my jokes to be rather entertaining. I even braved holding her hand as we made our way to through the social scene. And for me, there is nothing better than holding a pretty girl's hand. It's about the simple things in life, and if I'm being honest, it's the one thing that hurts me even today - that I don't have someone to even hold hands with. Every day when I see couples holding hands, I feel a great sense of sadness and loneliness overwhelm me. This happens at least once a day.

The evening went so well, that I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement for the potential of where it could go.

I made a seemingly good impression, and having some of my musician friends come up and greet my date and I just added to it.

She even got a goodie bag from the event. I took her home and we hugged and kissed goodbye (relax guys, just a peck).

"Now that's a date", I thought.

The next day I texted her to say thanks for the good evening and we should do it again. She agreed.

Then, suddenly, she began to avoid me. Invites to other outings went unanswered. Not even as much as "sorry I'm busy".

This is where the awkwardness began. Without a reason, how does one know when to stop making a fool of one's self?

Eventually I just stopped messaging her, as it seemed like that's what she wanted.

Then about year later, I mailed out a joke wedding invite to a bunch of select people, one of whom was her, (that's a story for another book), and she replied with the friendliest email in the world, asking me how I am and we must catch up sometime.

So I replied with sure, let's do lunch. She replied yes, and we ended up setting up a lunch date at a place just outside her work so that she wouldn't have to go too far.

The lunch went surprisingly well, and just like that night a few years prior we got along great. I thought well, maybe we just needed a second chance at this.

Until of course, I said we should do this again. Then she said but I thought you were in a relationship now (don't worry, I laughed just as much as you are laughing right now). I said, no, I am as single as I have always been.

She avoided me since that lunch ended, once again with no explanation. I had twice made a complete fool of myself, without even realizing it. For the record, I deleted my joke forwarding mailing list after that.

I'm not sure what she's up to these days. Justin and I often tried to understand what exactly happened with her, but it's just another one of those stories that hurt to try and figure out.

I tried not to let the hurt get me down too much, as I was loving my new job immensely. There were a lot of positives, which for the first time seemed to outweigh the negatives in my life.

I was finally a writer with a permanent job.

I was appearing on TV twice a week, thanks to my show.

And I was involved in all things "TV" that were taking place in the media.

Then came the second season of Idols South Africa, which was about to send my life and career on the roller coaster of a lifetime...