Never Ending Road of Love

funeral

*Amora's POV* 

So much has happened for the past few weeks. 

Today, I face them. Today, will be the last time that all these flashbacks stop. 

Today is the day: My family's funeral. I didn't get any sleep from last night, trying to accept what happened. Everything, as I believed it to be, a nightmare. Whenever I pinch myself, I'd always frown or sigh. 

The chilly air matched the mood, the birds were chirping and the crisp breeze stuck to my face. Making me shudder as my grip on the bouquet of flowers tightened. Can I do this? I can't cry in front of everybody. I paced back and forth, my heart surged as the noise increased. Mom invited a few of my relatives and some of hers, so that they can finally meet me. 

Addison and Jocelyn respected the fact that I needed this to myself, so I told them not to come. I needed the time. 

After the funeral, as everyone left- even Mom- Every inch of my body felt heavy. Without a word said, I stood still and leered at their gravestones. The mournful feeling I get, every time. This bitter taste in my mouth. 

There are five stages of grief and seems like I haven't finished the first stage; Shock and denial. Pathetic, isn't it? 

But I have to stay strong for them. 

Those minutes I stood there, it felt like hours. Hours. Another part of me wanted to stay but the other wanted to run away. As far as possible. 

Unlocking my phone with my passcode, I called Mom.

Clearing my throat, she answered with a hello. "Mom?" I said, melancholy was visible from the tone of my voice. 

"Yes Amora?" She answered back- Flashbacks replayed itself again. 

Scratching the back of my neck, "I was thinking... Maybe I should just," The rustling of leaves suddenly snatched my attention but shrugged it off immediately. "Maybe I could just go to the wake... By myself?" 

As Mom soundlessly muttered an 'Oh', the wintry wind chafed my face- Making it feel awfully raw. "That's fine with me- Be sure to be safe and watch where you're going. You have your skateboard with you, right?" 

Do all mothers have to act like this, because you remind me too much of her. "Yeah, it's with me," I took a swift glance at my right, eyeing my skateboard. "Plus, the wake's about five minutes away." 

She responded, "Ok, ok. Love you." I could hear people chatting in the background. 

"Yeah bye- Love you too." I automatically replied back. But I felt guilty when I said that- because I felt empty when I said id. And guilty because I just said "love you" in front of my family's grave.

"Love you more, Amora." As we both ended the call, my knees weakened and my surroundings blurred. The frigid cement came in contact with my knees. As I fell to the ground, my heart sank along with ut. 

I can't cry. I won't. I promised them; come to think of it... I never got to say anything to them, before they... Before they departed. 

And it's my fault. Tiny rain drops coated me like it did on that night. Biting my bottom lip with force, trying to prevent myself from crying. 

Neglecting the fact that my dress is absolutely soaking wet, my head bowed down to the graves- I knew I'm not meant to get my cast wet but that doesn't really matter now. 

Warm tears escaped from my eyes as it started raining harder. Goosebumps formed all over my body. 

Benumbed senses blocked me from reality. "Anthony, you know how annoying you can get?" I thought back to those memories we all shared. "And you know how we both joked about your death. You know, that time when I said you and I would probably die from laughter."

"Well looks like we jinxed it." I let out a fake and breathy chuckle. "Mom, Dad- I'll always find time to visit. You've done so much for me- Heh, if I had a coin for every time you've cared and loved me, I'd be richer than Bill Gates."

For every word that exits my mouth, my heart would ache. My stomach lurched as I said, "I love all of you." The rain still poured as my tears did the same, a benevolent smile tugged my lips; remembering one of my parents' favorite yet cringey poems. 

"If my love were an ocean, there would be no more land. If my love were a desert, you would see only sand." 

Dejectedly, I decided to end it there- Even if I leave them, they would never leave my mind nor my heart.

Just like that.

Sure, life gave me a second chance but it's just not the same. To be in the arms of your parents, that cordial feeling. I've spoken so much about love but even now those words felt nothing to me. Last time I checked, every time I utter that word, everything melts into affection and my heart is welcomed to a land of happiness. But now... 

But now I'm just confused. I know what it means, I believe in it but my heart won't feel the same way as it did back then. Back when I had Anthony. 

Back when I had my parents. 

Back when I had everything. 

Tears streamed down my face as I blandly tightly gripped the top of their graves. 

"I hope that you guys would accept my apology. I l- love all of you." I managed to stutter from the stinging breeze- With my chest swelling, I stood on my two feet. 

Trying my best to avert my eyes from their graves, I took a step back. The movement caused me to realise how wet I was, my black flared dress was stuck to my skin and I sighed. 

Snapping back into the real world- reality- 

A masculine hand falteringly grazed over my left shoulder. With the somber ambience, my heart was welcomed with the sudden warmth of an intimate waterproof jacket. Demandingly ordering my lips to quiver into a lighthearted smile. 

Having no further doubts in mind, my attention deviated to a boy dressed in a charcoal coloured hoodie. Roughly around two or three inches was he taller than my height. 

Yet again, his face remained a mystery to me. He took a step forward, during the time, I stole one last glance at their forsaken gravestones- Trying to imagine them smiling at me.

One last tear drop escaped from my eyes, giving a crystal-clear clue that I unwillingly broke my promise. Trying my best to rip my eyes of their graves, I shifted my attention to the guy. Only finding an empty patch of grass as the rain fell on it. 

I surveyed the area- 

With no second thoughts, I blurted, "Uhh, it was nice of you to do that but- uh- maybe you'd like your jacket back?" When I got no response, I decided to make my way back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's night time in my time zone and I have to say... I'm jet lagged. Just a reminder that I'll do my best to edit my chappies but I can't promise anything ;D

ANYWAYS! Don't forget to comment down below and smash that vote button with your forehead! :D 

KEEP SMILIN' :D :D 😄😃

ireck_wings