Life With Trent Harmon

Part 35: It Never Gets Easier

Trent puts the car in park and looks over at you. You avoid looking at him by looking out the window.
He sighs and climbs out of the car and walks around and opens your door. You get your purse and stand up and he shuts your door behind you. You face him and your eyes meet his and you see his sad smile. He takes your hand and leads you up the stairs onto your porch and over to the porch swing. You sit down and look at your lap. When you look up, you see Trent leaned against a post, looking down at his shoes. You study him and feel yourself smile, despite the tears in your eyes.
He looks up slowly and sees your looking at him and he smiles. You notice the puddle of tears trying to escape his eyes and you feel a sob build in your throat.
After a few seconds, he takes a deep breath and says "it doesn't get easier, does it?"
A tear escapes and makes its way down your cheek as you shake your head. "I think it gets harder every time."
"It feels like it.." he says quietly as he comes and sits down next to you on the swing. You scoot over so you are closer to him and he puts his arm around your waist and lays his head on yours. You take his other hand in yours and slide your fingers in between his and memorize the way your fingers fit in his.
"I don't want you to go." You whisper.
"What babe?" He asks pulling back to look at you.
Tears start to fall from your eyes. "I don't want you to go, Trent." You say loudly. "I can't pretend that I'm okay with you being gone anymore. I hate you leaving me. I hate only getting to talk to you a few hours a day." Your volume level rises with every word as the tears fall faster. "I hate being so far away from you. I hate not being able to be normal. I hate you being that far away. I just don't want you to go." You cry as you lean into his shoulder. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you into him. Then, you can't hold the sobs back any longer. He tightens his grip on you and feel  his shoulders to start to shake. After a few seconds, you try to get yourself together and say "I'm sorry Trent." You say between sobs. "I just want to be with you and if that makes me a bad girlfriend, then I guess that's what I am. I just don't want you to leave me anymore.."
you lay your head back on his shoulder and put your face in his neck. You can tell he is still crying when he reaches up and runs his hand over your hair.
"You're not a bad girlfriend. Your honesty is what makes you such a great girlfriend..." he says quietly. "It's gonna be okay, baby.. I promise..."
after a few more minutes, you lean back and look at Trent. The sad look on his face makes more tears flood into your eyes. You open your mouth to talk and she shakes his head. Another sob catches in your throat and you take a deep breath. He leans over and touches his lips to yours. You feel the sadness in his kiss as it grows. Suddenly, tears start falling again, and yours mix with Trent's. he puts his hand on your cheek and leans back slightly and puts his forehead on yours.
"Can I tell you something?" He says quietly.
"Mhm.." you reply, leaning back and wiping tears from your face. He looks down and then back up into your eyes.
"I don't wanna go back." He says and for the first time, you see the tears pour onto his cheeks. "Music has always been my dream. And it is what I've always wanted to do. But when I'm not here, I just wanna be with you. I am so afraid that something will happen while I'm gone and you will change your mind about this... about us... and it just makes it so... I just do not want to get on that plane and go back in the morning."
"You are living your dream. You deserve all of this. Everything you get you work for. And I don't want you to worry about me. Nothing that happens is going to change this. Nothing is going to change how I feel about you." You say and touch his cheek again. "I love you Trent. That's why I don't want you to go...." you say and wipe another tear away "well, I do want you to go live your dream... but I want you to take me with you."
"Do you know what I would do to be able to take you with me tomorrow?" Trent laughs. "I hate having to leave you behind when you're the one person I want to be with constantly. I wish I knew how to fix it. I wish I could just take you with me every where I go..."
"Well..." you smirk at him and touch your lips to his "I know something that would get us one step closer to that..." you touch your lips to his again slowly. Once you pull away slightly, he laughs and says "yeah I've been thinking about that..."
"You have??" You ask, surprised.
"Well yeah.." he says "I told you that I'm going to marry you. And I told you that i am ready when you are. And you said don't ready. And so of course I've been thinking about it..." he says as he puts his arm around you and pulls you closer to him. "But you know engagement isn't gonna fix everything. Because it's gonna be at least another year before we can get married. And yeah, the ring gives us more freedom, but we still have our lives until we get married...."
"I know.." you sigh and rest your head on his shoulder. "But I need you to be mine."
"I am yours. Forever." Trent whispers as he lifts your chin up so your eyes can meet.
A smile works it's way onto your face as his lips touch yours again.
"I love you, (y/n)." Trent says with his lips centimeters from yours. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, T." He touches his lips to yours again. "I promise one day it's gonna all be okay."
A few minutes later, Trent pulls out his phone and checks the time.
"It's two..."
"Already?" You ask.
"Yeah..." he replies and kisses the top of your head.
You wrap your arm around him and side hug him while still sitting on the swing. "I still don't want you to go.."
"I know..." he sighs and then stands up. You stand up with him and he wraps you in a hug. When he breaks the hug, he steps back and kisses your cheek.
"I'll see you in the morning..."
you try to speak but another sob is working its way into your throat so you close your mouth and I Nod, begging the tears to stay in your eyes.
"I love you, darlin.."
"I love you more, Trentbaby..."
And with that he climbs in the car and drives away.

The next morning, you are standing beside  the Harmon's SUV at the airport, watching him say goodbye to his family. He hugs each of them, one by one and tells them he will see you soon. Once he hugs mrs Cindy, they all get back into the vehicle and leave you and Trent alone on the sidewalk, just looking at each other.
Trent takes the first step toward you and closes the distance between yall. He wraps his arms around you and you lean into his chest. The tears start falling again and you whisper "I don't want you to go."
"Me either.." he says, holding back tears.
He pulls back slightly and puts his finger under your chin and pulls it up to create eye contact. He touches his lips to yours, slowly, speaking all the things the neither of you can say. When he pulls back, he uses his thumb to wipe tears off your face and smiles slightly. He hugs you again and looks into your eyes again.
"One day," he says quiet enough that only you can hear. "I won't ever have to leave you for a long time again."
"I can't wait..." you say and touch his face
"I love you."
"I love you too." He replies and with that, he squeezes your hand one more time and turns and walks into the airport.
As you climb into the SUV, your phone buzzes and you smile as you read the message. "I promise. We are gonna get through this. I love you."
"I love you most." You reply and close your eyes and lean back and dream of the day that you can be on the plane with Trent, holding his hand and heading toward forever.

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