This is me

Lonely

The "Loner"

Talk about being the loner in our group. Group I mean the "group of friends" that I have. I'm actually one of the noisiest but then when I get silent nobody cares. Awww. I'm hurt. HAHA

When one of my friends gets silent, there's a friend who'll immediately ask "are you okay?" "do you have a problem?" "you're odd. Is something wrong?" Wews. How about me? Uhh... I also exist? Ok, it may look like I'm jealous or the person who seeks for attention, well somehow.

It's just that, you know the feeling when someone, just even one person actually cares for you enough to just ask if you're ok? That would totally melt my precious heart...awww!!!!! hahahaha! But seriously, I wouldn't be that kind of human being (wow human being) if it weren't for my trauma. Well sad but also happy to say that only few knew about it. Not even the "group of friends" that I have had any clue that I had that "trauma". They only knew the story but not the fact that I had a trauma after. And since we're here, I'm going to tell you the story of how it started.

Once upon a time... Hahaha!! Ok.

I had these group of friends for 2 and a half years. We tag along. Had fun by seeing each others faces, ok nonsense. We had fun. Many people would say "wooow! it's been years but you guys won't split up!" "aww, such a cute and strong bond you guys have" "aww jealousy alert!"

Well, we understand each other... I guess. Well it all happened way back in grade 8. Ok, I admit that I'm not that super smart in academics while them, I think they're fully awake when God set the rain with intelligence while I'm the sleeping beauty haha! But hey! I'm smart. Just not as smart as them. Let's say they're 9 out pf 10 while I'm 8 over 10. HAHA

Ok so since we're not on the same class, well as for me actually. Di naman maiiwasan na pag usapan yung about news or rumors inside the room diba? And it's natural to talk about it.

But the fact that they'll bring almost everyone of their friends in class just to talk about that.

Like, ok guys,

"Hiiii!!! I'm heere!!!"

Since I'm a little out of space kasi nga I'm the only "hetero" as what we call ourselves kasi wala kami sa higher section, nag focus nalang ako more sa phone ko.

Parang nakalimutan na nilang nag eexist ako nung araw na yun.

And they know that I'm the kind of person who hates being lonely. Or being left out. Or feeling like I'm not existing.

Then after daysss they finally realized that I'm out of place. They said sorry din naman kaso kelangan may magpa-realize pa sakanila nun.

****

Then again, it happened on the following year.

We were grade 9 back then when it happened. AGAIN.

But the situation got a little too far.

Since I'm once again the only "hetero" in the group, usually ako yung naghihintay sakanila on our own spot sa canteen.

Recess time back then, I was alone in the table, listening to music while waiting for them.

But they didn't come.

They're not absent on that day because I asked their classmates.

I waited for 40 minutes alone in that same place. I look like a total loner in there that I almost started to cry.

I opened my messenger to check if they're online for me to chat them and they are!

But what hurt me is that, naka online sila pero ni isa sakanila walang nag message, nag call or even nagpasabi manlang that they'll be minuteS late.

Actually, the whole 40 minutes of recess, none of them came. Not even one!

In there, I messaged our group chat

"Kung di kayo makakasabay sana manlang chinat or tinext niyo ko diba? Ang hirap kaya magmukang tanga dito."

And immediately all of them had seen my chat

"Hala Sam sorry!!! Nakalimutan namin sabihan ka."

"Kung wala pa kami mamayang lunch ng 10-15 mns. means di na kami sasabay"

Wut?!

Sa sobrang inis ko di ko na nakontrol yung sinagot ko sakanila

"Di na ko sasabay."

Then tears started escaping from my eyes and exactly the bell rung.

*****

After that incident I didn't talk to them. Well except for the only person who said sorry. But for the other two? I don't know anymore that time. 

I just got shocked a bit when one of those two girls who said sorry said that this was all just a misunderstanding. 

Wut?!

Ok, if its just a "misundertanding", why didn't you talked to me and confronted me? Why did you let those weeks passed if its just a "misunderstanding"?

But I'm actually not the type of person na nagagagalit, nagtatampo or nagkikimkim ng galit sa iba. I get angry, yes, I get upset, but at the end of the day naman I'll be okay na with you again. 

But even though I'm okay na with that, di mo parin mababago yung fact na nagawa mo na.

*****

And now, that trauma came back. HAHA comeback is real!!! 

But the funny thing is that it came from different group of friends. Well my new group of friends which is what I have right now. They're not aware though.

One moment they'll talk to me then gets silent on the other. Then they'll get mad at me and I don't even knew the reason why.

But it's all okay now. I'm not feeling lonely anymore because of that person. And that person is my twin. Well, a twin from different group of family HAHA! Actually she's reading this story too!

*****

I'm incomplete, but somehow they fill that up...