This is me

Stop.

The waiting-not.

"Mahal mo pa ba?"

"Oo naman"

"Bakit di mo ipaglaban? Bakit di mo balikan?"

Pano ko ipaglalaban kung siya na mismong nagsabing tumigil na? Bumitaw na. Tama na. Pano ko babalikan kung sa mga sinabi niya palang parang wala na kong babalikan? Pano ko ipaglalaban kung wala na kong pinaglalabanan? Pano ko babalikan kung sa pagdating ko naka sarado na yung pinto? Kumbaga parang restaurant lang, "sorry we're closed".

Mahal ko. Oo. Mahal na mahal. Kaya nga masakit diba? Alangan namang masaktan ako kasi di ko mahal. Ano nasaktan ako kasi na-attach lang pala ako? Parang ang pangit naman nun. Eh gaga nagpa attach ka naman kasi. Eh akala ko kasi magiging maayos din ang lahat eh. Pero parang kahit anong ayos ko may gusot padin. May dumi pading nakikita. Nag take lang naman ako ng risk. Minsan lang sa buong buhay ko na ginawa ko yan. Pero ang nakakatawa pa, epic fail naman.

"I think you should stop."

Sakit kaya nun. Pag binasa mo palang ang sakit na eh. Pano pa kaya pag sinabi niya yan sayo ng harap harapan, diba? I think you should stop for me to stop. No. "I decided to stop and let go for you to stop and let go too" Right phrase to summarize what he said. Kahit masakit daw at ayaw niyang gawin, still, ginawa niya. For the sake of me, him, our relationship? and other people who got involved in these.

You should stop. You should stop from waiting for the right time or place or even the right outfit when everything's alright. Stop expecting. Stop waiting. Stop. Tumigil ka na. Masakit na masyado eh.

Stop holding on to someone na mukang naka move on na.

I let him go even if it hurts me so bad. If he's happy then I'll also be happy with him while I'm hurting inside.

*****

Sabi nga nila...

"Loving means I really need to set you free"

I need to set you free and that also means that I should stop.

I should stop from loving you the way I loved you before. I should stop from loving you the way it used to be. I should stop from looking at your face whenever I see you for me to stop hurting. I should stop myself from thinking that I should be one of those people who puts a smile on your face. I should stop thinking that we could go back on the same "bruh to bruh" interactions. I should stop myself from thinking that that should have been me. I should stop thinking that maybe I'm just not worth it or deserving for you. I should just stop wishing that I can turn back time the way it should be. I should have stop myself to love you like this.

I should stop.

You're happy...

So I should stop.

*****

Pano mo ba malalaman kung mahal ang isang tao?

"Kapag nagbago na yung mundo mo tapos siya lang lagi mong iniisip.

Lahat ng gagawin mo, uunahin mo siya.

Nag iiba yung expression sa muka mo. Like, lumiliwanag yung mukha mo pag nakikita mo siya."

Hihi! Credits to Kita kita (Lea and Tonio scene) Tinamaan ako ng bunggaa!!

*****

I can and I will...