This is me

Hurt.

The first heartbreak

"Minahal kita ng sobra kaya nasasaktan din ako ng sobra.

Ang sakit isipin na sa ganun lang matatapos ang lahat...

Sa isang iglap... bigla nalang may mawawala. 

Ang sakit sakit.

Oo.

Una kita.

Ikaw ang pinaka unang taong minahal ko.

Kaya eto din ang pinaka unang sakit na naranasan ko.

You were the first but still wishing that you'll be my last. 

Mahal na kita eh. I just don't know how or why.

Minsan talaga wag ka nalang matulog para di ka na magising sa katotohanang wala nang kayo. 

Para di mo na masabi na "wala ng tayo. Ilang araw nang nakalipas." 

Minsan lang ako naging sigurado sa sarili ko. Minsan lang ako mag take ng risk pero epic fail naman. Masakit eh. Masakit pero masaya ako.

Who would have thought na di ka lang pala matalino sa academics pati rin pala sa real life sense decisions na ginagawa at gagawin mo pa. And I'm so proud of you. So proud. 

But it still hurts."

Wanna' know something funny? I found that makabuluhang kadramahan sa old notebook ko. Kaya pala I feel like cleaning again my room kasi may makikita akong ganiyan. I kind of remembered that I wrote that days or almost a week after we ended things. 

Ang sakit po pala talaga noh? Dati kasi, actually until now, I'm just the kind of person who just gives advice to experienced people even though ako ay hindi pa. Galing galing ko mag advice pero sa sarili ko hirap na hirap akong gawin. I keep on pushing my friends na gawin na nila if it's the right time. Move on if its worth moving on. You can still continue life without him or her. Focus on your studies and etc... But the funny thing is that, now, they're the ones who's giving me advice. Parang bumabalik lang sakin yung sinasabi ko sakanila and in the end they'll say, "hirap diba? Minahal mo kasi talaga eh".

*****

Don't judge me please. Huhu! I know I'm still young and I'm not like those bida in some fanfic stories who can find love and forever at such a young age but me as a kind of cute and adorable human being, I tend to write, compose poems, compose songs, sing, or write short stories about how "ma-drama" my life is. And one of the proof is this story about myself. I tend to like talking to strangers because they can judge me all they want but doesn't know details in my life and some who can't judge me because they don't know me. But either ways, I just want to be me again. Who loves to draw, compose poems or songs, write novels or short stories and talk to God and asked Him why. BANAL.

If you think po na I'm such a "malanding nilalang" na kung ano anong ginagawa sa buhay na imbis na mag aral ay inuuna pa ang pag ibig, ngayon palang po, suri na. Nagmahal lang po. Di ko din naman po inexpect na magmamahal pala ako HAHA! Masyadong na curious sa buhay kaya ayan, nasaktan. Tsaka matataas po grades ko HAHA.

*****

My teacher once asked the class if we had encountered being hurt in the past and how did we recover from it and luckily its me who answered it because of my ever napakabait at gwapong seatmate 

"Ma'am! I volunteer Sam to answer that question!" Then my classmates starts to shout and others keep shouting my bruh's name and such because they knew the story. Funny thing is that most of them keeps saying

"Oh palaban yan. Ayan na. Lalaban na yan!"

"Go Sam!!!"

"Real experience yan guyys!!"

Then I had no choice but to answer. Daming fans eh HAHA

My teacher re-asked the question and I answered her proudly with a 

YES.  Emotionally.

Then people starts to clap and howl and I don't really know why are they doing that.

By whom?

My friends and "friend" 

And by saying the word "friend" some of my classmates who knows the story starts echoing saying "friend??" then I answered them happily 

"What? Edi blank friend!! (boy friend) May friend parin yun sa dulo diba? Para safe tayo guys HAHA"

How?

I simply answered her "By being happy". By being happy even though it hurts. That I can still continue life even though I'm hurt. I just go with the flow and doesn't let emotions take over my life. The thing is that, people come and go. It's either they'll leave or stay.

*****

They say that first love never dies. Some says that first heartbreaks are the unforgettable. But at the end of the day, you learn. You learn something old and new. You learn to stand up on your own again. You learn to completely love and only care for yourself again without thinking about your old partner. You'll again remember that you kind of thought yourself how to stand up and walk on your own without him or her. You'll learn how to handle another relationship in the future and do this and do that. You'll learn how to be brave. You'll learn how to fight for yourself without him or her. 

You might get hurt as much as you love your old partner and that's normal. 

Di ka naman masasaktan kung di mo minahal eh.

*****

Hihi! Moving on is reaaaaal!!!