This is me

Tired.

Tired of...

I'm tired of Crying.
I'm tired of Yelling.
I'm tired of Pretending.
I'm tired of Needing help.
I'm tired of Remembering.
I'm tired of Wishing I could start all over.
I'm tired of Dreaming of a life I will never have.

I'm tired of being Sad.
I'm tired of being Alone.
I'm tired of being Angry.
I'm tired of being Different.
I'm tired of not being Able to just let go.

I'm tired of feeling Crazy.
I'm tired of feeling Stuck.
I'm tired of feeling Worthless.
I'm tired of feeling Empty inside.

I'm tired of Missing things.
I'm tired of Missing people.

But most of all, I'm just tired of being tired.

**

I'm tired of Crying all night because I'm tired of feeling that all I do is wrong.

**

I'm tired of Yelling to those people who doesn't know how hurt I am by how they act.

**

I'm tired of Pretending that I'm alright.

**

I'm tired of Needing help to those people who'll only looked at me with disgust and leave me.

**

I'm tired of Remembering how hurt I was when I was with you guys.

**

I'm tired of Wishing I could start all over because of what happened.

**

I'm tired of Dreaming of a life I will never have, thinking that I can have that if I haven't done this.

**

I'm tired of being Sad that's why I'm always putting on a strong act.

**

I'm tired of being Alone because all those humiliations keeps coming back. All those embarrassments. Those wrong decisions I've done and it's going to pop here in my head if I couldn't resist it!

**

I'm tired of being Angry because all I do is to try to stay calm but all you guys do is provoke me to the be person I'm not. I'm so tired that I almost wanted to speak up and slap you if I didn't just think of the possibilities of what can happen if I did that.

**

I'm tired of being Different everyday whenever I'm with you guys. I'm so tired of thinking I could fit in the group and that I have this "makapal na muka para sabayan pa kayo. Especially YOU"

**

I'm tired of not being Able to just let go with all those memories you've left to me.

**

I'm tired of feeling Crazy everyday that those sweet, precious and a sad yet hurtful memories keeps coming back.

**

I'm tired of feeling Stuck in that moment when I remember you.

**

I'm tired of feeling Worthless everytime I was with you guys. That all I did was wrong. That I'm this stupid human being making decisions without thinking.

**

I'm tired of feeling Empty inside that all YOU do is fill that up if only you hadn't left me on that day.

**

I'm tired of Missing things especially how strong our bond is and it was like you knew me so well and I knew you guys so well. But I guess I was wrong.

So wrong.

**

I'm tired of Missing people especially You. I wanted to shout your name and your head will turn to look at me then I'll run to hug you. Real tight. And I wanted to just say

"One first hug and one last hug. Goodbye"

**

But most of all, I'm just tired of being tired...

*****

I'm tired of being someone I'm not for things to turn back the way it should be.

I'm so tired of trying to fit in to the group if only that one and only person wouldn't hold my hand and said,

"Don't leave me. I need you"

I'm so tired of saying sorry to those people who doesn't deserve it even though they should be the one saying that to me.

I'm so tired of waking up everyday thinking if the Sam I knew is still here.

I'm so tired that all I could ever think was just to stop and let things go. Let you go. Let you guys go.

*****

Be Kind.

Be Kind always because the Lord doesn’t deserve being hurt. The Lord suffered and sacrificed for us to live. For us to be save from all our evilness and sins. Be kind.
Be kind even though it’s hard. Be kind even if people keeps on provoking you. Just be kind and all will be well.

People may leave you for being kind and that’s not a bad thing. That’s not a bad thing because the Lord our God will never, ever leave you.

You wanted to shout. To scream. To curse. To slap people. To hurt them or maybe to kill them but you can’t. You can’t because of God. You can’t because you’ve pictured yourself beside God, happy and knowing that you didn’t do it because your kind. Because the Lord is kind so we also should be kind.

*****

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~Dalai Lama

**

Creds to facebook I've read those "I'm tired.." post. Thank you 😘