This is me

Ouch!

The words!!!

"Alam ko mas magiging masaya ka kela M***** so choose them over me. Okay lang naman sakin makakarecover ako in a matter of time.

So choose them.

Sabi nga ni M***** na sayang yung mga memories niyo. Tayo ay sabi mo nga'y walang "tayo" ikaw at ako 3 araw palang magkasama. So mas sasaya ka pag pinili mo sila okay lang sakin kung pipiliin mo sila kase alam ko na mas mapapasaya ka nila kesa sa saya na mabibigay ko sayo.

Okay na ako yung mawala wag lang sila. I'm just a nobody in your life nagfefeeling lang na somebody. Pero sila somebody talaga sa buhay mo. Sabi mo nga sinalo ka nila nung mga panahong walang wala ka, yung mga panahon na kailangan mo nang kadamay nandun sila.

Eh ako nung mga panahong yun nasaan ako? Nasaan ako nung may problema ka? Naasan ako sa mga araw na yan? So Sam choose them over me. Wag kang mag alinlangan na piliin sila kase masasaktan ako. Okay lang ako kahit masakit na masakit na, para lang maging masaya ka babalewalain ko yung pagmamahal na mayroon ako para sayo.

Thank you Sam sa lahat. Thank you. Always remember that I love you so much. Goodbye Sam. Maging masaya ka sa choice mo!"

*****

He decided to let me choose my friends over him. He knew it in the first place that there's a big possibility that I wouldn't choose him so he decided to let me go.

While me and the "M" girl we're talking and asking each others reason why a sudden situation happened, He opened my account and silently reading our chat. He decided to let go of me for me to choose my friends because he already saw our chat.

Nakita na niya yung messages namin ni M at dun niya naisip na sila ang dapat piliin ko.

Of course I don't want to choose. Lalo na at sila pa pag pipilian ko.

But time will come that I have to choose.

My friends whom I can lean on lalo na sa mga oras na kelangan ko sila. My friends who accepted me as to who I really am. My friends whom I am sure I can really cherish and treasure.

Or...

Him who always makes an effort to put a smile on my face whenever I don't feel like smiling. Him who effortlessly makes me feel loved. He who makes me feel that I am worth fighting for.

*****

My first heartbreak didn't just settle with my Bruh. My first heartbreak also happens with my friends. They broke my heart and I know I also broke theirs.

I broke their heart unintentionally for breaking their "trust".

Yes.

I know.

Alam ko na dapat sinabi ko na sakanila agad. Alam ko na dapat hindi ko na pinatagal. Pero pano ko sasabihin kung sa bawat segundo, minuto, oras, o araw na binabalak ko parang papatayin na nila ako. Huhubells pero true 😂

Pero dapat tinry ko parin.

I should not have hide behind my fears. I should have told them earlier for things not to get worse. They may judge me because of my actions but at least I told them. They may leave me out of shame or anger or for breaking their precious trust, but at the very least I told them.

But I didn't.

I just let the days past because of fear and they must have almost leave me out of anger.

They may leave me out of shame or anger or for breaking their precious trust, sadly to hear and see it from them, but I'll accept it. If that's the consequence of my action, my consequence for loving that person, then I'll accept it. I'll accept it and be happy with it.

But still, I can feel real happiness when I'm with the both of them.

So it's an ouch! experience.

*****

My first ever heartbreak...