mended vs. settLed (a FOURTRIS love story)

Chapter 4: Earlier Today

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Chapter 4: Earlier Today

^^ Day 3 ^^

*Tris POV*

As Kelly and Jessica guided me quickly back to our secured floor I feel as though I am walking through a haze. Did I really just see that?

Did I really just see Tobias sucking face with Christina, the loud mouth Candor as he would call her, in the middle of a crowd? How could he? Of all people...Christina? My best friend.

Of all the women he could have moved on to... The moment the phrase "move on" enters my mind, I feel a stab of pain. Tobias is over me. He has moved on, as though I was nothing to him. If he gave a shit, I would imagine that getting all up on Christina would have been difficult for him.

As soon as we push through security I break away from the ladies and sprint to my room. I run to the bathroom and throw up in the toilet. I feel as though I am about to be sick again when I hear a soft knock at my bathroom door.

It is Kelly and another one of the support staff, they would like to sit down and talk with me. I nod my head and agree. After I brush my teeth I walk out and sit on my bay window bench, I feel comforted when I am there.

Kelly asks me to begin and reminds me that this is a safe place, and they are here to support me – no matter what.

Tears begin streaming down my face, I don't even know where to begin. Finally, I find the words. To me it feels as though just a couple of nights ago Tobias and I made love. Made love for the first time, actually. I smile at the memory as the tears continue to stream down my face.

It was heartbreaking to me, to see him and Christina, who is my best friend. Her of all people.

I try to continue but then I just keep repeating the same thing. How could he have moved on, with her of all people? I just keep going back to that.

Finally I ask if I can just spend some time alone. I am so very tired and I just want to close my eyes for a moment. I smile at them to convince them that I am OK. They agree and tell me they will check on me later.

The truth is that I am not ok. Dark thoughts enter my mind, I feel like I am drowning in the pain.

The image of how carefree and happy Tobias looked while with her. He genuinely looked so content. And then I have a memory from our past.

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We were fighting after he and everyone had found out that I killed Will, one of my best friends, and Christina's boyfriend.

Tobias was furious with me, he wanted me to have trusted him enough to tell him. He didn't like that I had blurted it out in front of hundreds of people, I had snapped back asking since it was not enough that I told him, that I also needed to worry about the setting, I had sarcastically asked him if next time I should brew some tea and make sure the lighting was right.

Tobias let out a frustrated sound and had turned away from me, pacing a few steps. When he turned back to face me, his cheeks were splotchy. It was the first time I had ever seen his face change color.

He quietly had told me, "Sometimes, it isn't easy to be with you, Tris." He then looked away from me.

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I replay that sentence in my mind again and again.

It isn't easy to be with me.

I wish I was selfless. I wish I could swallow my pain, instead of it swallowing me alive. I feel as though I am being ripped apart from the inside. I should be happy for them. They are happy, happy together.