Because of you: Never Ever

I Miss You

I was gently shaken and I opened my eyes and I saw Valerie sitting on side of me on the bed. "Hey... I'm about to go to work..you know you can always stay here. I got an extra key  on the dresser for you". "Okay thank you Val". "No problem I'll see you when I get home". She kissed me cheek and left.

I really didn't want to do anything or see anyone. I did tell my mom I would see her today but I don't know if I'm truly up to it. I grabbed my phone. I have a bunch of missed calls and text messages. I didn't respond. I just laid back down and slept.

Later that day, I woke up to the sound of Val coming home. She walked in the room and she just looked at me. "You been bed all day?". "What else can I do?". "Anything..get ready for graduation tomorrow". "Oh damn I forgot about that".
"Yeah well.. that's sorta important".
"I just don't feel good right now". "Oh I can make you feel good" she said did a body roll. "I bet you can..".
Would sleeping with Valerie be considered cheating or what? Because I don't think I'm going to ever talk to Khodie again.

*****
There was a knock at the door. I opened the door and it was my dad there. "Yes father?". "We have to get you ready for tour. Your starting this weekend". My dad walked in and I closed the door behind him. "Oh yeah that.. I want to cancel the tour. I don't want to do that anymore".

"Why not? We put a lot of money into this. Your fans want to see you".  "I don't care..". "Well you should there's a lot riding on this tour. We even got Cymia to be your headliner". "Cymia? My old best friend?". "Yes I thought that it would make you happy". "I haven't seen her in a year". "Yeah I know".

"But yeah dad I can't leave with out my fiancé. Janai is scared of me. She's the love of my life". "I hear you. But after graduation you need to be packed and ready you hear me Khodie". "Yes sir". "Alright now I love you". "Love you too". He kissed my forehead and left.

I really miss Janai. I took out my dabber and I grabbed my torch and I smoke a dab. I sat back and I started to feel better.

****
I snuggled up with Valerie as we watched tv. I got a phone call from Danny Khodie's dad. I declined the first time. Then he called again. I rolled my eyes and I answered it. "Hello?". "Hey Janai do you have a minute to talk?". "What's up? Make it quick".

"Um well I know you and Khodie aren't on the best of terms. But I would really love it if you joined us on tour this weekend". "Uh no thank you. I don't plan on seeing your daughter for a long time". "Please..can you just come you don't even have to talk to her. She's thinking about canceling the tour because she's so depressed. This can hurt her career before it gets started".

"Well I know how important this is for her. But can my best friend come too. That's my only request". "Uh yeah Reyna can come". "Okay I'll be ready and packed". "Thank you". "I'm doing this for you so you owe me". "I'll get you whatever you want". "I'll hold you to that. bye". I hugged up the phone and Val looked at me with a questionable look upon her face.

"What was that all about?". "I have to go on tour with Khodie". "Wait you have to? Why?". "Because she's upset and she wants to cancel but her career is very important and I don't want her to risk her career because we aren't talking". "Wow your better than me because I would have been like fuck that". I laughed and I punched her arm playfully.

*****
I started packing all of my stuff and I was listening to the radio and then "feeling good" by Nina Simone came on. I sat on my bed and I could remember my mom rocking me back and forth singing this song to me. I still remember how she smelled. She smelt like the flower jasmine with the hint of vanilla.

She had these big brown eyes and and cute button nose. We have the same nose. I'm pretty much my moms twin. She had a smile so beautiful you could fall in love. She has skin that was so soft you would just want to stay in her arms forever.

I didn't realize I was crying. I really missed my mom. I took the picture of me and her and I held it to my chest as I cried. "I'm so sorry Mama. I'm sorry. I miss you so much. I need you right now. I don't know what to do? Please help me!! Please!" I yelled out loud. I threw the picture frame to the wall it broke.

Isla came in and she just held me in her arms. "Hey Khodie it's going to be okay. I'm here. I got you. Your okay". "I cried into her chest. After calming down I whipped my face. "Are you okay?". "Yeah thanks Isla. And thank you for being there for my dad and loving him". "No problem baby". "I love you". "Awe Khodie I love you too dumpling". I gave her a hug and I smiled to myself. Maybe Janai was right about Isla.