Because of you: Never Ever

Crashing down

We were chilling in our hotel room. Today is an rest day on the tour. Me and Janai are watching scary movies because they are our favorite.  "What are we gonna do today?". "I don't know we can see what the crew want to do today". "Alright..".

We all decided to go play putt putt and go race car driving. Janai had on some high waisted jeans and a crop top and some Rihanna fenty sneakers. I had on regular knee length jean shorts and a tshirt and olive green sneakers to match hers with both our hair in a pony tail.

We all got and uber and went to the place. This was going to be fun. We all got our golf clubs and we picked our own colored ball.  Janai was swinging so I got behind her and guided her swing and she I got a hole in one. "You know I totally could have done that on my own" She said to me. "Yeah okay baby I'll let you believe that" I gave her a kiss. Ryan came over to me, "Dude why you didn't tell me that you and Janai were going out?". "Because I like seeing you make a fool of yourself" I chuckled.

"That's not cool dude". "Sorry but Reyna is single and she's pretty hot". "Yeah she is hot". We were looking over to Reyna and Janai they were talking then I saw Janai pop two white pills in her mouth.

I've never seen her take pills like ever. I wonder what that's about. Ryan walked away and went over to the girls and so did Kevin. I kinda feel bad that Cymia is left all by herself. I walked over to her. "What do you want Khodie? Shouldn't you be over there with your fiancé".

"Yes I should but I'm over here with you. Try not to take anything we did personally please. I want you to have a good time this month. Try to get enough exposure. Just be a great friend to everyone okay and I've seen you and Kevin hanging out a lot maybe he likes you". "There's no way I would date Kevin. I wanted to date you". "Look well you won't know unless you try and I'm taken so I will not be cheating on my fiancé. So that's out of the question". "Fine let's go".

****
"Do you think Ryan is cute?". "Yeah he is pretty cute". I went into my book bag purse and I grabbed two white pills and I hurried up and took them before Khodie came over. "You still haven't told Khodie yet?". "I'm never gonna tell her. As long as I got it taken care of we are good". "But your kinda hiding yourself from her. If she's gonna love you she has to know all of you". "I hear you but that's not gonna happen".

"Why not Janai? I would feel betrayed if I was her because it's basically lying". "Well what if she leaves me. I mean my sisters left me. My dad hated me". "Your dad was on drugs he doesn't truthfully hate you and for your sisters let's not speak on them".  "I guess your right but I'm still not telling her". "Fine". Ryan walked up to us and started talking to Reyna. Kevin brought us something to drink. I looked over and I seen Khodie talking to Cymia. I rollled my eyes.

I know this might be petty as hell but Khodie walked over to me. I faced her and I held her in my arms and I just kissed her. And kissed her and kissed her some more. "Remind me again how I got so lucky?". "No how did I get so lucky". "I love you". "I love you too J". "Will y'all get a room. Y'all just too cute" Kevin said out loud.  We giggled at one another and we walked hand in hand. I winked at Cymia as we walked passed her.

****
Later that day we went back to the hotel we are all going to dinner. Janai went took a shower. While she was in the bathroom I went into her purse and there was a pink bag with pill bottles in it. How come I've never seen these? I picked them up one at a time and I googled the name of the pills.

Bi-polar and Schizophrenia kept popping up. I know I'm not in a relationship with a crazy person. But Janai seems far from crazy. But then again maybe it's because of these pills. Janai came out the bathroom with a dress on and her hair big and curly. "Babe why aren't you ready yet?". She looked up at me and she tried to kiss me but I pushed her away. "No?". "No? what do you mean no? What's wrong with you".

"No whats wrong with you?". "Nothing I'm good. I just got out of the shower? What's wrong with you? You never turn down my kisses". "JANAI WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU". "Jesus why are you yelling at me? I didn't do anything. What's wrong with you Khodie". "WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE?". I threw the pill bottles to the floor in front of her.  "You went through my stuff Khodie? Why would you do that? You've never done that before?".
"Well I've never seen you take pills before today?". "Oh you saw me?".

"Yeah... so when your gonna tell me that your bipolar and schizophrenic? Huh when?". "I couldn't.. that's not something I tell people. Only a few people know". "Yeah like who?". "My parents and grandma and Reyna and your dad". "My dad knows? And he didn't tell me". "I told him that I would tell you". "Yeah but you didn't Janai. Jesus like I feel like I don't even know you". "I'm the same girl I was five minutes ago". "No your not. I always thought you were so perfect but that was all an illusion huh?". "I'm not perfect people have flaws. But if you love me you should accept my flaws and all. I accept all of you". She tried to rub my face but she moved away from her hand.

****
"Wow so now I can't touch you now?". "No you can't not right now I'm heated. I'm so far from pissed off I don't know what to do? How could you lie to me this whole time?". "Because I really love you and I don't want to loose you". "You could have been honest with me".

"Okay you want honest here's for honesty. I'm schizophrenic and I have a mid case of bipolar. I've had this since I was four years old. I get this disease from my grandfather. I don't like this disease because it affects my mental state. It can affect my judgement. It makes me feel terrible. It's like I'm having a war with myself everyday. But I learned how to handle it and I move on. I'm fine okay I didn't have an episode yet around you because you don't stress me out. Your my zen place you make me feel good". "Wow so you couldn't just tell me that in the beginning".

"I see that your mad and you probably want space so I'll go". I started to put my stuff in bags. "No babe don't go". "No your mad at me so I can go. You think I'm crazy". She grabs my arm then I went black. I snatched my arm from her. "Don't you touch me. You trying to kill me? Oh no no why... Wh..Why would you want to kill me?" I bagged into a corner. "No Janai babe I'm not. Come here". "NO!!".   She pulls out a knife from the dinner plate we had from last night. "Get the fuck away from me".

****
I grabbed my phone and called my daddy and Reyna. There was knock at the door rapidly. I opened it and it was My dad and Isla and Reyna. "What happened?" My dad asked.  "We were having and argument then she went bananas". "Hey pretty girl. What do you have there. Look give it to me you don't need that" Reyna was talking to her she got the knife out of her hand. "She thinks I'm crazy but I'm not" Janai was the talking to Reyna. "Oh I know that's girl is crazy huh. She doesn't know what's she's talking about J". They were sitting in the corner and they were talking as Reyna rubbed Janai's head. "Annnnd she should be back in three...two...one...Hey Janai".
"Whats going on? Why aren't we at the restaurant?" She said. "Babe you just gave an episode?". "Oh no you saw me. I was afraid this was gonna happen". She ran off to the bathroom.

"Reyna how did you do that?". "That's something her mom taught me. You have to talk her down and make her feel safe and she would be fine". "You gonna have to teach me that". "Yeah no problem".  I ran to the bathroom and I tried to open it. "Come on Janai open the door". "No!".